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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my ds doesn't need presents on his sisters birthday...

43 replies

MsColour · 05/07/2013 16:26

...and vice-versa.

My dd was 7 on Wednesday. She woke up excited about her presents and ds 4 was excited for her and enjoyed watching her open them.

Then they went to their dad's for tea as they do every Wed and dd got more presents as expected but so did ds. Dd got presents on ds's birthday also.

I personally feel that my dd's birthday is her day and ds is genuinely happy for her and doesn't need presents as well. And it does them good to understand that there are days when their sibling will be the center of attention.

There's nothing I can do about it as my ex never listens to me.

OP posts:

redskyatnight · 05/07/2013 16:36

Well no one "needs" presents do they?

My DC's grandparents buy both DC's presents on their birthdays, I think it is odd, but it doesn't exactly hurt does it? There is plenty of other stuff for the birthday child to be centre of attention.

TokenGirl1 · 05/07/2013 16:40

We always got a small gift when it was a sibling birthday. My parents' view was that it prevented any feelings of jealousy.

I feel the same and do it with my own kids. Each to theirown.

Dfg15 · 05/07/2013 16:48

I agree MsColour, its odd. Obviously no one 'needs' presents, but its nice on a birthday that the birthday child is special, its their day and any siblings need to accept that. When its the siblings birthday, then they get the presents. I have two girls, five years apart in age, it was never a problem with them. Really don't understand why people do this.

Tinpin · 05/07/2013 16:48

I never did it. It's ridiculous. Children have to learn that sometimes someone else is the special one and another day it will their turn. No child ever minded or was in the slightest bit jealous in my house because they understood it was their siblings birthday.

hardbeingme · 05/07/2013 16:49

i only buy pressies for the birthday dc - its supposed to be their special day, but that said everyone gets a party bag and my sister's would probably bring (small) treats as they may not have seen them for a few weeks.
I don't encourage it but i wouldn't moan, my kids just don't seem to be too bothered, they know whose birthday it is and therefore who gets the gifts.

TooOldForGlitter · 05/07/2013 16:53

I personally think it's a ridiculous thing to do. How do children ever learn that they don't come first all the time?

needaholidaynow · 05/07/2013 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

singingmum · 05/07/2013 17:30

We do this with our dc as it's special for them they get a small big sibling or little sibling pressie. I think it's really nice as it's to say thanks for being such a good brother/sister. Don't see what the problem is really.

maninawomansworld · 08/07/2013 15:07

I won't give both presents on one childs birthday, nor do I like tit for tat ' well he did that so I should be allowed to do that'.

I'm not talking about one always being favoured or anything but kids need to learn that life's not always perfectly fair and sometimes when it's your siblings birthday they get the attention and presents and you just have to be happy for them and get pleasure from seeing them having a nice day (or sod off to your room and sulk but woe betide you if you ruin your brother's day with tantrums)....

Don't spoil them, it breeds expectant little brats.

mrsjay · 08/07/2013 15:12

is it just their dad that is doing it ? i think it is weird too and I dont think it can cure sibling rivalry but each to their own and all that, I would ask him to stop it each child is an individual and entitled to their own birthday

Pigsmummy · 08/07/2013 15:13

I got a small gift as a thank you (bribe?) for good behaviour on my sister birthday and plan to do the same if I have another child.

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 08/07/2013 15:15

The beauty of birthdays is you each have your own

FobblyWoof · 08/07/2013 15:16

It's odd.

I never got presents or anything on siblings birthdays and Vice versa and there were never feelings of jealousy. I'm pretty sure if there were my parents wouldn't have stood for it and said tough.

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 08/07/2013 15:23

When I was young there wasn't a prize under each layer of wrapping in pass the parcel, abusive parents!

KobayashiMaru · 08/07/2013 15:24

I agree with you, but its not up to you to determine how your childrens father decides to parent them, thats up to him.

Crinkle77 · 08/07/2013 15:25

YANBU. When we were kids there was no reason to be jealous cos you knew that you would have your turn on your birthday

babyhmummy01 · 08/07/2013 15:29

I have always done this with my godsons until they were at an age to understand that it would be their turn on their birthday, I think it was until they were 6 maybe.

I don't see the problem with it as it saved a whole lot of agro regarding jealousy when they were little. I did however sit them both down and explain that as they were big boys they needed to understand birthdays meant one would get presents when the other didnt and vice versa so they didn't get upset when the little something stopped. And by little I do mean less than a fiver being spent, just a token wrapped in diff paper etc

TanglednotTamed · 08/07/2013 15:30

I don't do it. But I don't mind if the GPs do, they don't usually see the DCs on their actual birthday anyway, so it doesn't affect that day.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 08/07/2013 15:55

My sil and db both do this, I have said to them they don't need to, and when its dniece and dnephew birthday I only buy the birthday child a gift. dniece has kicked off and asked me where her gift was and I told her it wasn't her birthday and when it was she would get one then.

StuntGirl · 08/07/2013 15:58

No one in my famly/friends circle does this, I have no idea what all this jealousy business is supposed to be about. If you grow up with it, surely you just accept that birthdays = presents, cake, attention etc for the birthday person and everyone gets their turn?

Davsmum · 08/07/2013 16:04

I wouldn't agree to that ever.
I think it encourages jealousy and doesn't prevent it!
If my ex husband had done that I would have told him to stop it!

WorkingtoohardMama · 08/07/2013 16:12

My in laws do this, and it drives me absolutely nuts.

Everyone gets a birthday, and that's your day, it should be all about you.

What I hate even more, is that on my dd's birthday, my sil told my ds that she would take him to the cinema for a treat as it was dd's birthday!!!

DoJo · 08/07/2013 17:20

My brother and I never had this until my step mother began doing it which then stopped again when she and my dad split. I can honestly say that it didn't give us a sense of entitlement, we appreciate the presents but didn't expect them and it was just a way of including the child whose birthday it wasn't in the celebrations.

kali110 · 08/07/2013 18:04

No never. I think presents should only be given to the birthday child, its their special day . I wouldnt want the others growing up expecting. I know everyone has different views i just think its a bit silly. The other children shouldnt get a present to stop jealousy, they will get presents when its their birthday.

Scholes34 · 08/07/2013 18:16

The non-birthday child learns to take enjoyment from someone's delight in receiving gifts. The birthday children learns the concept of sharing with siblings. I remember my DD getting see-saw for her 3rd birthday. She needed DS to be able to play on it.

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