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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my ds doesn't need presents on his sisters birthday...

43 replies

MsColour · 05/07/2013 16:26

...and vice-versa.

My dd was 7 on Wednesday. She woke up excited about her presents and ds 4 was excited for her and enjoyed watching her open them.

Then they went to their dad's for tea as they do every Wed and dd got more presents as expected but so did ds. Dd got presents on ds's birthday also.

I personally feel that my dd's birthday is her day and ds is genuinely happy for her and doesn't need presents as well. And it does them good to understand that there are days when their sibling will be the center of attention.

There's nothing I can do about it as my ex never listens to me.

OP posts:

runes · 08/07/2013 18:21

Can't believe people actually do this . We were lucky to get presents on our own b'days, never mind each others .

TigerSwallowTail · 08/07/2013 18:29

I agree with you, but its not up to you to determine how your childrens father decides to parent them, thats up to him.

I completely agree with this statement, birthdays should be for the birthday child not the birthday child and their siblings as it takes away some of the specialness of 'their big day', but it's not your place to tell your ex he can't buy extra presents for his children.

rundontwalk · 08/07/2013 18:29

I can't see the big deal. Providing the parents don't object,I generally get something v little for the sibling too. Our group consists of under 6's. I would do it when the child gets a new sibling too.

TigerSwallowTail · 08/07/2013 18:30

runes my mum forgot my 8th birthday!

PeggyCarter · 08/07/2013 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KirjavaTheCat · 08/07/2013 19:16

One of the many things that annoyed me while growing up was when my younger, spoiltasfuck brother got presents (usually bigger and more elaborate) on our birthdays, to save his tantrums and screams of "where's miiiiiiine!!!!"

Ridiculous.

ShadowStorm · 08/07/2013 19:22

YANBU.

My siblings & I never got presents on each other's birthdays, and I don't remember ever feeling jealous about this. If they felt jealous, it wasn't obvious either.

And we all got to participate in each other's birthday parties / treats anyway, so it was still a special day for the non-birthday siblings, even if the birthday sibling was the one in the centre of the attention.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 08/07/2013 19:36

I do this with my three. Bugger all to with jealousy though. I do it because I tend to buy with a running theme as they are close in age. For example, DS2 had a sand pit for his birthday and associated toys to play in it, so DS1 had a few sand vehicles, and DD a beach Barbie.

I do it so they can all join in together, because I like to get them things they will enjoy, and because I don't tend to buy things outside Christmas, Birthdays, or Easter.

cannotfuckingbelievethis · 08/07/2013 19:37

We do this. Don't see what the big deal is to be honest unless you're buying an absolutely massive and expensive present for the brother or sister.

I have two DCs, dd (3) and ds (5). The child who didn't have the birthday got a favourite magazine and some stickers or maybe a small action figure. No more than a fiver I would have said.

We'll probably stop as they get older though.. or maybe not, who knows...

BabyDubsEverywhere · 08/07/2013 19:38

Also, when I was young me and my Dsis would always have a gift each, the birthday child's gift being larger, and we would always split any cash given too so we could go shopping together at the same time. We were very close and enjoyed doing this.

AnnaFiveTowns · 08/07/2013 19:44

We do this too. My parents' did it for me and my brother when we were little. Nothing big, just a liitle consolation prize. If you don't like it, that's fine, but it's not really a big deal and you shouldn't dictate whether or not their father does it. That's up to him.

Original poster

MsColour · 08/07/2013 20:03

I'm wondering why people are telling me not to dictate what my children's father does when I am not doing that. I haven't said anything to him about it as I put in my original post. I am just commenting that I don't agree with his decision.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 08/07/2013 22:52

My sister and I always had a small present to open on each other's birthdays it was lovely

KobayashiMaru · 08/07/2013 23:06

They're commenting on that because your op implies that he should listen to you and that you are obviously right and him wrong. When really its different styles of parenting and there isn't necessarily a right answer here.

KhaosandKalamity · 09/07/2013 08:02

As a child who received a gift on my younger brothers birthday I can say it is fucking confusing. 20 years later I still don't understand.

It is one of my only clear memories of that age (3 or 4), and I still remember having to confirm more than once that it was for me, then when they told me it was so I wouldn't get upset that baby bro was getting presents I felt like they were saying "darling we love you, but believe that you are a spoilt brat who could not possibly be happy for your brother that he was getting presents, for future reference we will expect full on tantrums in the future is DS ever receives anything and you don't".

It was a tiny Thomas the Tank Engine backpack, (by tiny I mean 15cm tall max) which I still have, but I will never forget the disappointment on my brothers face, especially since he loved Thomas.

brilliantwhite · 09/07/2013 09:09

i dont see a problem with the non b/day child getting a small present like sweets or colouring books , ive always done this for mine .

meddie · 09/07/2013 09:18

My mum did this. I hated it. It was my birthday and it didn't feel special because my siblings got stuff too.

Davsmum · 09/07/2013 09:30

I reckon parents do this for themselves - because THEY can't cope with the thought of a child 'being left out' on that day and THEY 'feel bad' about it.
It seldom about the child when parents do daft things like giving compensation to a child in this way.

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