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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to have a 'Sunshine, happy always smiley' personality?

35 replies

HaveAGoodDay · 04/07/2013 17:04

I don't walk around with a permanent smile on my face, I have a dry sense of humour and I guess I'm one of those that always see's the glass half empty.

I think I'm just naturally miserable! But I'm not ignorant with it, I don't ignore people & I do have some friends! I'm 'happy' with my kids obviously, not going to oppress my sarcasm / misery on them!!!

My hubby seems to think I'm not normal & should smile all the time - it's strange I seem to be resenting him more each married year...if there's ever a discussion or dispute (amicable i may add) between us or friends he always sides with their view & attacks me for mine.

I don't have a great deal of self esteem, in fact I probably have a really warped point of view of myself but I've never thought otherwise.

So is there anything really wrong with being - 'dry'? Miserable sounds too awful!

OP posts:
MolotovCocktail · 04/07/2013 17:11

Nah - I've only met three genuinely up/ebullient people in my life and even then, one of those people has a very black sense of humour.

I think most people who are Grin all the time are faking it, tbh.

I think you might need to evaluate your relationship with your DH. Seems to me like he might be bringing you down. Have you talked to him about how you feel?

Triumphoveradversity · 04/07/2013 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aetae · 04/07/2013 17:20

No, I think slightly dark is normal. Perky people are annoying and I always think they're probably missing something re observation of the world, because how can you pay attention and stay perma-cheery? But then I'm something of a pessimist too!

ThreeMusketeers · 04/07/2013 17:32

Anyone with permasmile and chirpy happiness 24/7 makes me want to pinch them.

LindyHemming · 04/07/2013 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReginaPhilangie · 04/07/2013 17:37

I think what you've said in your OP says more about your DH than it does about you TBH. He seems to be the one who has a problem. In that he can't seem to accept you for who you are? I take it you've always had a dry sense of humour? So he knew what your personality was like when he married you. If he's always siding with other people rather than you, that is a problem. You're supposed to be a team not pitting against each other.
I would ask him why he seems to have a problem with you all of a sudden. There's nothing wrong with being a bit miserable (I love a bit of wallowing now and then Wink). It's not as if you're wailing in despair everyday is it?

orangeandemons · 04/07/2013 17:52

Someone who is permanently happy and smiley is vacuous IMO.

I am dark, dry and gloomy. I dislike mindless chatter. I am also very witty and kind..much more interesting than smiley.

Dackyduddles · 04/07/2013 17:54

I'm very optimistic. People comment on it like I'm freaky. DP thinks I'm grumpy. I find it odd I can be an optimistic grump!

everlong · 04/07/2013 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ditavonteesed · 04/07/2013 18:04

I am smiley all the time, I have found my niche working in a hospital, been told I cheer everyone up, but anyone who knows me knows that I am actually a miserable sod who hates human contact, its a puzzle really.

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 04/07/2013 18:05

Smileyness on the outside can have a positive effect on your inside mood. Watch Michael Moseley's Horizon doco next Wednesday and see what you think - you do sound a bit tough to live with and these things are not necessarily set in stone.

KobayashiMaru · 04/07/2013 18:06

nothing wrong with dry, but continually pessimists can be very bloody draining to live with. Perhaps you should evaluate how your mood affects the people you with?It's not just about you and your personality.

KobayashiMaru · 04/07/2013 18:07

continual and you live with.
Fucks ache keyboard.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 04/07/2013 18:09

Highly intelligent people tend to be pessimists. It is true that ignorance is bliss Smile

Nacster · 04/07/2013 18:10

I'm one of these Grin

Can't help it.

I'm reasonably sure that I'm not vacuous, but I do like a bit of banality, chit chat, that sort of thing.

It's nicely disarming, because I'm also a bit of a militant WRT to feminism and some other stuff. But always with a Grin

Curioustiger · 04/07/2013 18:13

OP, this

it's strange I seem to be resenting him more each married year...

Isn't right. Really. I know you're not here for relationship advice but whether you're a pessimist or not, it's a terrible shame to feel like that.

MadBusLady · 04/07/2013 18:18

Ditavonteesed Well you make me laugh!

I look like a right smug caaah when I do my "cheerful face". It's hideous, I'd slap it off me. Much easier to look miserable, nobody reflexively hates a miserable-looking person.

Heartbrokenmum73 · 04/07/2013 18:21

you do sound a bit tough to live with and these things are not necessarily set in stone.

Shock
MadBusLady · 04/07/2013 18:31

Yeah, I don't know where LadyIsabella got that. I'd say the husband sounds like the tough one to live with, ganging up on the OP with friends and demanding that she arrange her face differently.

suchawimp · 04/07/2013 18:36

I have a fake happy sunshine personality - can't be myself around people. I am stressed and over emotional and just a bit of a pessimist and a lot of a worrier. But everyone thinks that I am nice all the time to everyone and that I never have a bad day.

I have a lot of bad days but don't have anyone to talk about them with.

badguider · 04/07/2013 18:41

nothing wrong at all in being 'dry' as you put it, but as a glass-half-full person who generally doesn't worry about bad stuff till it happens and even then tends to look on the bright side I have to say i wouldn't be attracted to somebody glass-half-empty enough to marry them.

has your dh always been cheery? have you always been un-cheery? was it not a problem from the start??? i find it odd you've ended up married to somebody with such a different approach to life Confused

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 04/07/2013 18:41

Could be either way or a bit of both MBL - we can't say if we don't know them. Sometimes people claim that aspects of their behaviour / personality are unchangeable, but actually change is possible - and sometimes their OH's are just unreasonable controlling arses.

But I would recommend the OP watch the doco and see whether she thinks it applies to her situation or not.

minouminou · 05/07/2013 07:57

I am, quite literally, made o' sunshine.
I'm also incredibly feckless and have the attention span of a fruit fly.

I have three settings.....vacant, happy, sarcastic.

OP.....I have a feeling your DH is affecting your self-esteem.

soontobeburns · 05/07/2013 08:02

I like to think im the the middle of the scale somedays happy somedays not.

Tbh I couldn't live with someone who was a constant pessimist it would drive me crazy.
hence why me and my step sister dont speak for godsake smile woman

Lj8893 · 05/07/2013 08:06

I don't think there is anything wrong with either type of personality, as long as your energy doesn't affect others moods.

I have some wonderful "miserable" friends but equally know some "miserable" people who completely drain me, and I end up wanting to curl up in a little ball and sleep forever after spending time with them!!!

I'm a fairly positive happy person but even I have my odd down day, and get so annoyed with the constant "oh LJ what's up, you don't seem yourself today"

I'm fine, just because I'm not as perky as usual doesn't mean anythings wrong!