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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel upset at this boys suffering...

54 replies

honey86 · 03/07/2013 22:48

im referring to the 4 year old daniel pelka thats been in the news lately...
i think my hormones arent helping... but everytime i hear/see anything about it my stomach lurches..
when i hear how he ate from bins, got held underwater, or fed salt, i feel a sense of desperation to save him somehow... i know hes sadly died and hes not my child... but its just so heartwrenching to see how he suffered in such a barbaric way and noone thought to take him into care...
n his poor brother having to try n sneak food to him and try to find his heartbeat...

i know it might sound like im overreacting but it has just really broke my heart knowing that while ive been well fed and comfy, this boy wouldve been desperate for even just a bite of that food. Sad

it angers me that such vile people could pass themselves as 'parents' when they would abuse their own child, a gorgeous child who did nothing to deserve such sorrow Sad

OP posts:
FunnysInLaJardin · 03/07/2013 22:51

of course YANBU it was the most awful tale and I look at my two boys aged 3 and 7 and really wonder how anyone could do that to a child. Most folks instincts are to love and protect children, so those who don't truly seem like monsters. That photo of him in his school uniform makes me want to rush in and care for him. Poor little child

FunnysInLaJardin · 03/07/2013 22:52

everytime I think of it I feel it in the pit of my stomach btw Sad

Original poster
honey86 · 03/07/2013 23:12

ive got a dd of the same age... i just find it all so distressing how there could be many more out there too, and theres very little we can do about it Sad i feel guilty if dd doesnt eat all her dinner, or has a stain on her top... i cant fathom how any human being can live with themselves doing such horrific things to the ones who love them unconditionally.

its so, so, hideously evil.

something wrong with this world Sad

OP posts:
OpheliaBumps · 03/07/2013 23:23

It breaks my heart too, especially to know there is a sibling who saw all of this happening, and tried so hard to help their brother. Just awful.

There are some vile people out there, unspeakably dreadful.

onedev · 03/07/2013 23:52

You're not alone - I feel exactly the same. It's just unbelievably horrendous & hearing his brother's testimony is just beyond awful. I can't stop crying thinking about it - that poor poor child. RIP.

Celador · 03/07/2013 23:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarahAndFuck · 04/07/2013 00:00

YANBU.

I still can't look at that picture of 'baby P' in the blue jumper looking up at the camera. DS was a similar looking toddler, all blue eyes and blonde hair, and was so loving and trusting. It rips through me that someone could be so callous and evil to their own child. Sometimes I would look at DS and go cold thinking of what poor Peter went through, even now.

Those text messages that were sent about Daniel Pelka are pure evil. Still having the water in the bath ready for the next time. It's unthinkable.

minouminou · 04/07/2013 00:13

It's unthinkable because almost all of us are nowhere near the place that these sick monsters are in.

Just think to yourself, that when a tragedy or disaster happens, film footage shows people running towards the scene, not away. Most people care for and love humanity.

aldiwhore · 04/07/2013 00:14

YANBU.

But there are millions of children who suffer much worse. You cannot save them all.

You cannot let it consume you.

All you can do is give/do what you can, in any way you can that helps stop this from happening.

For some, they train as social workers, others go abroad and do voluntary work, most can only put a few pennies in the coffers. Whatever you can you, and you DO do, is enough.

I know this doesn't seem political, but it is, vote for those who won't cut services.

YANBU. BUT, you have to keep telling yourself this is not 'the norm' lse you'll lose hope, and that's the ONE thing that actually may change things.

thebody · 04/07/2013 00:16

Blo

thebody · 04/07/2013 00:17

Bloody bastards... How the police keep their hands off them is a tribute to their professionalism.

Just don't dwell. No one can.

AudrinaAdare · 04/07/2013 00:18

YANBU. I'm finding it very difficult to stop thinking about Daniel as well. Having a child of the same age makes it harder. My DS was the image of Peter Connelly at the same age when his terrible death was all over the news and it was so difficult. I didn't buy newspapers but did smoke and would sometimes break down in sodding Martins running the gauntlet to buying a packet of cigs.

There was something on another thread about identification and intrusive thoughts. Worth looking up.

Poor, poor little soul though. Fucking heartbreaking. If only we could look after him, cuddle him and kiss him on the forehead. Put him to bed in clean fresh sheets after a lovely dinner and let him know that he was safe and loved. I don't think it's mad, given that nobody did for him, to wish, as a parent that you could. Some posters will tell you that it's strange to feel this way, but if nobody felt like this there would be no wonderful foster parents.

I also think it's a good idea (being prone to this) to try to find some positive thing you can do, to feel, to think, to help - someone. Anyone. It does work.

minouminou · 04/07/2013 00:20

Great post there, Aldi.
Just do what you can, and hope for the best.

MyBaby1day · 04/07/2013 03:57

YANBU, SOOOoooo upsetting, poor little man. It just shows you care. I wish he could have been saved Sad. RIP Daniel

May09Bump · 04/07/2013 04:24

Parents are worse than animals - I don't believe in violence, but I would not be sorry if someone got to them in prison. Poor little man - can't imagine how bad it was.

I look my son, same age and I think I will seriously consider fostering - I will research properly this yr. Need to do something constructive!

Lillahisagoodgirl · 16/07/2013 15:45

They must have been off their heads on drugs .

Abra1d · 16/07/2013 15:48

I found that one very upsetting, too.

SoniaGluck · 16/07/2013 16:01

Just think to yourself, that when a tragedy or disaster happens, film footage shows people running towards the scene, not away. Most people care for and love humanity.

Thanks for posting that, minou. Sometimes, when stories like this one are in the news, it's really hard to remember that.

But it's true, thank goodness.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 16/07/2013 16:08

I can't read about it, it's just so horrendous.

This sounds weird but; when I hear about someone acting out in a violent way maybe once - like shaking a baby, I can almost see how it happened. How for a second you were just overcome with anger or frustration or sleep deprivation or whatever, and you hurt a child. There have been times when I have had to just walk out of a room for half a minute when DS has been inconsolable and I'm so frustrated and just don't know what to do, so it doesn't feel like that much of a leap to someone just losing it and hitting or shaking their child. It's not excusable, but I can see how it could and does happen. BUT, starving and beating a child over a lengthy period of time is just beyond words. That kind of systematic cruelty makes me wonder about the world, that people could do that to another person over and over again. I'll be honest and say that I just can't make sense of it.

Wishfulmakeupping · 16/07/2013 16:10

It physical hurts me everytime the poor boy story is in the paper/news. How much he suffered and how sad and desperate he must have been.
The bit that is so vivid in my mind is that he got told off for stealing food at school at that point he must have thought the entire world world was against him.
I know the blame lies entirely with his evil stepfather and disgusting 'mother' but how did the school not see what was happening?!

Squitten · 16/07/2013 16:12

I read a few pages about it online and had to stop. It's utterly horrendous and the thought of doing things like that to a child the same age as my eldest just made my feel physically ill.

I can't wish anything but horror on people who would do such a thing.

missmarplestmarymead · 16/07/2013 16:28

it is terrible and haunting.

I don't know how his mother can put up a 'defence' by trying to shovel the blame onto an equally guilty partner. Why on earth is she even trying to defend herself? No-one could stop any woman, let alone a mother, from feeding any child and if she was so terrified, she could have told someone, anyone, a passer-by.

It would be far better if she admitted it and asked to be locked away. She must be made of un natural cold steel and, horrible though it is, I really do hope that she has the most awful time in prison.

fromparistoberlin · 16/07/2013 16:34

It am heartbroken, and like you every time I see his photo my heart twists and I get tears in my eyes

I hope they have their fucking skin ripped off them in prison, seriously. both of them. I fucking HATE what they did. evil . and she wont get away with playing victim status, oh no.

Rest in peace Daniel xxx

whois · 16/07/2013 17:09

Fucking hell this story is terrible. How did the school not notice anything? How were SS not involved with this family?

I wouldn't be upset if the step farther had a little accident in prison. And I never understand how people are so weak to subject their children to violence and abuse like this from partners. I get it, the mother was vulrable too, but to not have the instinct to protect her DC at all costs is sickening.

Reading the book 'a boy called IT' can two follow ups has never left me. Some people are truly evil.

Emilythornesbff · 16/07/2013 17:33

YANBU. That poor little boy. Awful, truly dreadful.
I find I am quite deeply affected by certain events.
It can be very hard not to "over empathise" with some things.
Someone asked me what I would do if I had a time machine. I would go back and save James Bulger.
Crying now just thinking about him.
It's more embarked when ppl are tired, hormonal, feeling low.
Now I let it come and go. And try to distract myself until it passes.
RIP little ones.