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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that This girl ruined dd's school trip

40 replies

helsbels03 · 03/07/2013 20:46

AIBU to be cross about this. My dd was partnered on her trip today with a challenging child from her class. I have just spent 2 hours comforting her as the other child made up stories to 'tell on her' and so she got into trouble for most of the day ( usually she is very quiet at school and has never been told off ) she said she was too shy to tell the adult they were with as it wasn't her teacher, or an adult she had met before.
She is 6 in y1 and this was her first school trip.

OP posts:
picnicbasketcase · 03/07/2013 20:49

Explain tomorrow that your DD has been very upset by the whole incident, that she didn't do any of the things she was accused of and that you are disgusted that the adults present would take the other child's word and tell your DD off rather than hearing her side.

pointythings · 03/07/2013 20:49

I'd have a very quiet polite word with your DD's teacher. Point out that she isn't one to get into trouble and that what happened to her on the trip was therefore unacceptable. Whoever the adult on the trip was, they need to be told not to take things at face value - a bit of retraining in order there, I think.

Also talk to your DD about speaking up for herself when these things happen, it will not be easy for her to learn to do it but will stand her in good stead in later life.

Salmotrutta · 03/07/2013 20:51

Was it another parent who was supervising your DD?

If so, it may be difficult to do anything about it now but certainly mention to the teacher that she was upset.

primroseyellow · 03/07/2013 20:56

I would bypass class teacher and raise (in writing if necesary) as serious issue with HT. It is not acceptable for CTs to pair up 'difficult'children with quiet well behaved ones and then allow the latter to have to put up with this sort of nonsense.
While this won't change what has happened on this occasion it should ensure it does not happen again. Frankly if the events you describe are factually accurate it is totally unacceptable. If you are certain of your facts and the HT is not receptive then go to chair of governors in wriiting stating that you expect a formal written response. Nothing will change what has happended but it should ensure your DC is not in this position in the next 6 years of primary school.

sonatensatz · 03/07/2013 21:04

I think yanbu and would speak to the headteacher. In all the schools I've been on trips with both as staff and parent any challenging child would always be placed with a member of staff in order to avoid a parent who would be unaware of their issues having to deal with them and to avoid them spoiling the trip for others as happened in your dd's case.

Crumbledwalnuts · 03/07/2013 21:07

That's outrageous! I'd be hopping mad. Your child was doing the teacher's job, basically, and got told off for it!

KingRollo · 03/07/2013 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointythings · 03/07/2013 21:15

KingRollo no, a child who is known to be challenging should be partnered by an adult. Not by a fellow 6yo.

I agree the OP's DD needs to work on standing up for herself, but for a shy child that is a longer term task. And a child's disciplinary record - or lack thereof, in this case - should be pretty damn strong evidence.

CloudsAndTrees · 03/07/2013 21:17

Going straight to the head would be completely over the top, and would probably also be counter productive.

I'd let the class teacher know your dd is upset, but I think the biggest thing you need to worry about is increasing your dds confidence.

I can't imagine that she was told off that harshly by someone who doesn't know her and who didn't witness any of this bad behaviour your dd is said to have done, so there has to be something else going on if she is this upset.

It seems strange that a challenging child was put with someone who isn't the teacher or TA, who was the adult she was with?

Challenging children have to be with someone, and unless you want to home educate, you do have to accept that sometimes your child will be partnered with or sit next to children you'd prefer them not to.

KingRollo · 03/07/2013 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

merrymouse · 03/07/2013 21:20

Don't think the child was at fault, but the school were. As said before, if this child is indeed challenging she should have been allocated to a more suitable adult.

Please don't blame child.

Original poster
helsbels03 · 03/07/2013 21:22

Thankuou for your replies. I agree dd should be able to stand up for herself and we are working on it. It was her teachers mum who was the adult so not someone I know or who knows the class. I think I am do cross because u have already had to speak to the teacher about sitting her next to a different, but equally challenging child on the carpet. I guess I am hoping she has a different teacher next year who doesn't use her as a behaviour management tool!

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 03/07/2013 21:22

"Challenging" could also mean some form of additional support needs so it should preferably have been a school support assistant or teacher who was supervising.

MammaTJ · 03/07/2013 21:26

It will all be sorted with a chat withher own teacher who knows her!!

merrymouse · 03/07/2013 21:27

If the teacher's mum was there it sounds as though they were short of parent helpers and staff.

MiaowTheCat · 03/07/2013 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frutilla · 03/07/2013 21:28

YANBU, I would def speak to her teacher and explain things.

Crumbledwalnuts · 03/07/2013 21:30

"I agree dd should be able to stand up for herself and we are working on it."

This is a bit weak to be honest. She should not have to "stand up for herself" in this situation. She should not have been put in this situation. I would be steaming.

CloudsAndTrees · 03/07/2013 21:34

How challenging are we talking here?

Most children can be challenging at times, and even the sweetest, kindest year 1 children do something mean to someone else occasionally.

The teacher may have a class with a higher than average number of 'challenging' personalities.

Tbh, if you have already complained about who she has been seated next to on the carpet, there is a possibility that you are being precious. You can't send your child to a place that is designed for Children and expect that child to be shielded from any other child you don't like.

alemci · 03/07/2013 21:45

sounds like a rotten situation to be in for your DC and I would speak to the teacher. it is not on IMO for your DC to be put in this position. Shame the person in charge of them was not someone who knew the children better.

Your DC should not have to modify her behaviour.

Original poster
helsbels03 · 03/07/2013 21:49

You might be right clouds , I am at work tomorrow so will leave it til Friday and see what dd is like after school tomorrow. Will def be keeping an eye on this situation next year though.

OP posts:
Original poster
helsbels03 · 03/07/2013 21:50

Although, if the group had been with an adult who knew them, even a parent helper I am sure they would have handled the situation differently.

OP posts:
breatheslowly · 03/07/2013 21:53

I agree with Miaow, teacher would normally put the most challenging children in their own group, so that they could be dealt with appropriately. I would definitely raise it with the teacher and also ask the teacher's advice on getting your DD to speak up when necessary.

mikkii · 03/07/2013 21:56

Can I make a suggestion? I would speak to the class teacher about it, but I would frame it very carefully. "I know that I have only heard one side of the story......" And "DDs perception is that....."

I also have a DD who is 6 and recently spoke to her class teacher as she feels the boys are pushing her around, one in particular, and I focused on how DD feels the boy will be dealt with next time but then nothing happens. I felt the teacher was receptive as I never claimed the matter wasn't being dealt with, only that DD felt that to be the case.

scottishmummy · 03/07/2013 22:05

I'd get a corroborated account before discussing with teacher
Who used term challenging child?you or your own child
Gather facts best you can prior to any challenge.and I hope your wee girl ok

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