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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7 year olds boyfriend/girlfriend stuff...

34 replies

loopyluna · 03/07/2013 12:38

DD is 7. Not 17.

Around beginning of January, her best friend, C (also 7), "dumped" her as she just wanted to hang out with her boyfriend at playtime!

I presumed this would pass but no, apart from a bit of a hoo-ha mid March where another classmate was accused of being in love with C's boyfriend and C got upset and played with my DD for a few days, the relationship between C and boyfriend, A, has stood the test of time!

Anyway, DD found new friends and hasn't been an issue at all. She hasn't seen C out of school at all. Last week there was an evening school bbq and I saw firsthand, that C and A were inseparable, holding hands the whole time and not playing with any other kids.

DD is going to a party on Saturday. DD just told me that C isn't going because "she is going to A's to make love" Shock
A's parents work on Saturdays and he will be at home with his 14 year old brother. (The big brother was in primary with my DS and has been smoking for a couple of years and spends all his time chatting up girls according to my DS!)

So, here's the AIBU bit. I think, this is none of my business at all and that the expression "making love" is, no doubt just a phrase and these 7 year olds are not going to be having sex Confused but DH is a bit horrified and thinks I should speak to C's mum. I wouldn't be happy at all for my DD to have this sort of relationship at any age to be honest, (ie, totally exclusive, cutting of from friends etc) but what on earth would I say to the mum?! She must be aware, surely?

AIBU to ignore the whole thing as it doesn't concern me?

OP posts:
AnAirOfHope · 03/07/2013 12:44

I would ignore it but use it to talk to my own child about relationships and what is healthy and happy.

If you are really concerned then talk to the girls mun about what you were told. Maybe to a 7yo making love means holding hands or kissing?

FadedSapphire · 03/07/2013 12:45

I would want you to speak to me if it was my daughter or son.
Are you friends with this Mum?

Original poster
loopyluna · 03/07/2013 12:57

We're not exactly friends but on school gate chatting terms. The girls have been friends since they were 3 so we've often had coffee together while they played. I haven't since that much of her since the boyfriend thing started...

I would also like to know if this was my DD or DS but I'm presuming her DD tells her and she already knows.

I know A's mum fairly well too but I've bern surprised over the last few years over her eldest's behaviour and her reaction to it, so feel less inclined to talk to her about it.

OP posts:
FadedSapphire · 03/07/2013 14:02

Maybe being bit -la,la, la head in bucket about it, but I would freak at thought of my 8 year old son kissing and flip out at the words 'making love'. Might even swoon....

Original poster
loopyluna · 03/07/2013 14:15

Fadedsapphire -DD says they are always kissing. On the Mouth. Where the teachers can't see. Sometimes they ask other kids to be look-outs. Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
loopyluna · 03/07/2013 14:20

DH freaked at the "making love" thing. I'm actually more bothered that, at 7, C wants to forfeit a party (cakes, balloons, games, bouncy castle and general FUN) to be alone with A.

I guess it's her parents' call, but Sad

OP posts:
ManAliveThisThingsFantastic · 03/07/2013 14:49

They are 7 years old! Why would you not mention it to C's mum, the teacher or even A's mum?
You don't know what kind of influence A is getting from his older brother and I personally think that the two of them being left alone with A, has the potential to turn into a dangerous situation.
Genuinely can't believe what 7 year olds are getting up to!

WilsonFrickett · 03/07/2013 14:51

Oooh, I don't know about this. Your post at 14:15 sent shivers up my spine. Sexualised behaviour from such little kids can be a red flag for abuse. I would probably talk to a teacher tbh rather than the parent. This isn't sitting well with me at all.

Original poster
loopyluna · 03/07/2013 15:26

I can see your point, WilsonF, but I'd feel like a real, old busybody, talking to the teacher. I have very few concerns with my own DD that I've barely spoken to him all year so not on easy chatting terms. It would seem like a big deal.

Manalive -I just feel like the mum must know already and would find me really judgy if I bouled over and told her I feared her DD was being promiscuous? She must be the one taking C over to A's for "playdates" and she was at the bbq so must have seen them together. C has 2 big brothers herself (about 16 and 17 I think), so I guess she is relaxed about older boys babysitting. I really think it's her call.

(Even if my call would be the polar opposite!)

OP posts:
thebody · 03/07/2013 15:41

If you want my advice KEEP OUT of it.

I hardly think a 7 year old is shagging really do you?

You will annoy both mothers in this on the say so and gossip of other children.

thebody · 03/07/2013 15:44

NB... All the op has seen is them holding hands.. Not a crime and nothing else. Kissing was said by the other children.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 03/07/2013 16:02

If you're concerned at all I'd talk to the teacher, NOT the parents. That way if the teacher thinks its anything to be concerned about they can hopefully word it in a way thats most diplomatic.

I would be horrified if My DC forfeited all their friendships to make one friend happy and only spend time with that friend. That alone is not healthy imo. The kissing and drama about whos in love with who makes me very uncomfortable and sad tbh. They have loads of time to think about this inane stuff 10 years (or less!) from now.

Floggingmolly · 03/07/2013 16:10

Do 7 year old's really carry on like that? Hmm

thebody · 03/07/2013 16:12

I can say I have never met one and I have met a lot.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 03/07/2013 16:15

A couple of the kids in ds1's class (Y3, so aged 7 - 8) have similar boyfriend-girlfriend relationships and I hear all the gossip from ds about who is in love with whom this week. Their teacher actually gave a talk to the whole class about it being inappropriate at their age, but I'm not sure it achieved anything.

I definitely don't remember anything like that when I was 7. Kiss chase, yes, but not actual boyfriends!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 03/07/2013 16:17

tbh I would be more worried about her being in contact with a 14 year old who sounds as if he has had few boundaries set, this flags up where the 7 year olds got the phrase from... could it perhaps be the 14 year old? it is of course possible that its innocent 7 yyear old stuff, on the other hand the 14 year old could be involved in 'grooming' them / her teaching them innappropriate stuff etc. jumping to conclusions here of course but these things do happen. makes me a bit Hmm anyway.

frissonpink · 03/07/2013 16:22

Red flag for me too I'm afraid - possibly from older siblings etc.

Either way, it's need stamping out and fast. We used to say to kids this age, the only type of date you should be talking about is a fruit!

Speak to the school and be insistent that it is unacceptable behaviour from 7 yr olds. Mention that the kids say they kiss where the teachers can't see etc. This needs dealing with.

thebody · 03/07/2013 16:52

So from the op seeing two 7 year olds holding hands and NOTHING ELSE we now how her going into school with accusations about a 14 year old older sibling grooming them and possible abuse.

Grip here have one.

You need to be careful following advice op. my dds babysat at 14 and 15 to both my own and friends children and anyone accusing them on absolutely no evidence would have a visit from the police re slander.

thebody · 03/07/2013 16:53

Dds being dss sorry.

thebody · 03/07/2013 17:12

Sorry bug bear,,, also you say this 14 year old brother has smoked for a 'couple of years??' Really so since 12??
And he spends all his time chatting to girls? So that's what all normal 14 year old boys do...

Original poster
loopyluna · 03/07/2013 17:53

Body -Did I say chatting to girls? I meant chatting up girls. He's in the same year group as my DS and this is certainly not how most of their friends spend their time. They'd much rather play football than waste their time flirting. Smoking at 12 is normal??

Anyway, nooo, I'm not suggesting anything untoward with the brother. I'm certainly not going to throw any accusations around.

OP posts:
thebody · 03/07/2013 18:41

Smoking at 12 is normal???? Where are you from. I have 4 kids who all went through comp and yes a very small few smoked but in no way was it normal for 12.

Now chatting up girls at 14 IS normal.

We must live in a parallel universe😃

Seriously though op I strongly advise you to step back as you will be the shot messenger here and it will explode in your face.

frissonpink · 03/07/2013 18:55

She doesn't need to go in shouting 'abuse'!

No one is saying that.

But it does sound as though some of the other 7yr olds are exposed to conversations/information etc that is inappropriate for 7 imo.

Fadedsapphire -DD says they are always kissing. On the Mouth. Where the teachers can't see. Sometimes they ask other kids to be look-outs.

THIS is the bit you need to communicate to the school!

monicalewinski · 03/07/2013 19:12

I would probably have an 'off the record' quiet chat with the teacher. Along the lines of "I'm sure it's nothing but what DD said just made me a bit hmmm, and I just wanted to raise it with you unofficially as I would hate it if anything happened and I hadn't said anything..." sort of thing.
Not alarmist or anything, just in a general chit chat way.

WilsonFrickett · 03/07/2013 19:39

Erm, at no point did I suggest the DD was being 'promiscuous' and if you use language like that you will get your arse handed to you. What I am suggesting is a blurring of boundaries, potentially that one child (or indeed one child in their year group, not these two specifically) are having access to sexually explicit language or behaviour, perhaps from a sibling, perhaps from a parent, which is resulting in inappropriate friendship behaviours.

Where do 7 yo learn 'making love' or 'mouth kissing in secret' - it's not appropriate, but it hasn't come from nowhere. I think you should raise it in exactly the way monicalweinski suggests, but without ascribing things like promiscuity to either child. They're children. The behaviour needs nipped in the bud, but school does also have to be made aware imo.

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