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Neighbour kid is annoying me! Help!

160 replies

Momofthreeloudkids · 03/07/2013 05:27

We just had new neighbours move in right beside us. The day they started moving in an adorable 9yr old boy walked into my house, introduced himself, proceeded to tell me how we will be seeing a lot of him. I thought it was cute at the time. I didn't even think to say something about it then because he's new and overly excited. I let it slide. (noted that keeping the doors locked would be a good idea incase he's used to just walking in on strangers)

I have a 2yr old boy, 3yr old girl and an 8yr old girl. My two toddlers keep me hopping as it is. We don't have play days everyday because its just too much. Anyways, this new child comes over about 10am the day after. No problem! My oldest girl was delighted to have a friend right next door. I was excited for her as well. Most of the morning was spent perfect. Then lunch time came around and I told him if he wanted to stay he was welcome but had to go home and ask his parents if it was okay. Not two minutes later he was back and his dad asks if I can watch him for a little while they have to run out. Uhhh... What?! You don't even know my name. We have not met before and that's the first thing you ask me? mind boggled Being neighbourly I say " sure, that's okay." So he stays for lunch. We continue playing outside. He starts fighting with my three year old daughter over every toy she has. I get that he's a single child but at 9 he should know how to share and not snatch. Yet every time I or my DH caught him he claimed she did it first.

Then dinner time rolled around ( take into consideration that I'm used to parents picking their children up before dinner. It's like an unwritten rule where I live). Parents didn't come over to get him. I tell him that he needs to go home for dinner. He says " My dad said I can stay for dinner too." Umm... Okay, I guess. So we have dinner. By now I'm thinking surely the parents will be calling him to come home. Nope, no such luck. At 7pm I finally shipped him home. Day one is over.

Day 2- ding dong. "Can I come in?" I tell him the girls are outback. It's a beautiful hot day. Not three minutes later he wants back inside the house. I tell him that we are only playing outside today because its so nice out. He pouts, I don't want to play outside blah blah blah. My kids enjoy all the time they can get outside. I stand my ground and ship him back outside. Then the battling with my three year old beings, I watch him take toys away from her and tell my oldest girl that he doesn't want to play with my 3yr old. My daughters are very close and my oldest ALWAYS includes my youngest. She's not happy he's acting like this. Then he starts doing anything to make my youngest cry. I try talking to him but he constantly talks over me while I'm trying to correct him. He argues EVERYTHING! I've even threatened to send him home and it doesn't make a difference. Then my DH and kids went out so I sent him home. Before leaving he spent 5mins arguing DH as to why he should be allow to go too. I'm in the house cleaning about 20 mins later and ding dong. I answer the door and its him. He wants to come in. I explain that I'm home alone and the kids are still out. He proceeds to beg, argue and offer to help me clean. After about two mins of saying No. I finally had to say "Go Home!" My husband pulls into the driveway and isn't even out of the car yet and he's at the car door. My DH tells him that we need to have lunch and will come over to invite him over when we are done. He begs, pleads, argues and wont leave. Finally we have to yet again tell him to go home. He doesn't take no for an answer, constantly arguing and talking over you. It's such strange behaviour for a 9yr old boy! As we are in the kitchen our daughters tell us that he's in the living room window telling her to tell her dad to let him come in. REALLY!? DH goes to the window and it takes three times saying no and to go home before he goes over to his house. After lunch I send my daughter over to invite him back. After all we said we would. Although by now we didn't really want to. He continues to pester my 3yr old every chance he gets and complains about playing outside instead of inside my house. He stayed till dinner and we sent him home. We had a late dinner around 630 so he didn't come back after.

Day 3 - the kids and I go outside in the morning. Not 5mins after he's here. I let him come into the yard to play. He starts asking to go inside. I tell him no, we are spending the day outside. He starts fighting with my three year old again, making her cry, whining and arguing about playing inside my home vrs outside. I'm not exaggerating when I say this kid argues with me about everything!!! The mom yells from her Deck she has something to do and will be back. didnt even ask my permission to leave her son. I may have three kids but that doesn't give people the right to assume I babysit theirs. he starts telling my oldest not to let my youngest onto the trampoline. Finally, I've had enough, my kids had enough... Time to tell him to go home. We go inside :( just to avoid having to play with him. Not an hour later he's back. I tell him we are busy and won't be able to play for the rest of the day. He whines , begs, keeps asking what we are doing that he can't do too. I keep telling him no, he has to go etc. Bot playing more today. He leaves. 30 mins later ding dong! He's back. Ugh! I tell him " I told you we aren't playing anymore today" .. He demands to know what we are doing that he can't do, he could just watch etc etc... No matter what I say is not getting through to him. Finally I had to say... "Please go home right now". He proceeds to tell me " this sucks!" I shut the door. One hour later ding dong! Really? You have got to be kidding me! Open the door and no one is there. Go to close the door and he jumps out from around the side of my house! "Did I scare you?" mind boggled I tell him that I've already told you we aren't playing anymore today. He now wants to know again what we are doing in our home. I don't feel I owe this child an explanation at all. I just say " we aren't playing everyday all day , we don't have friends over that much.I've already explained this to you. Stop coming back and go home." He pouts, still talking over me. Finally I say goodbye and shut the door. Not two hours later he's back! And says to me " I can't remember did you say all day they can't play." Gezz! I tell him " yes, all day." He says why? I repeat the other conversations. Again he's pouting, arguing, begging and again demanding to want to know what we are Doing that he can't. I said that we needed family time and now I was making dinner and the girls were playing together. Wrong answer! "Playing!? Why can't I join?" I tell him I'm sorry but I already told you we don't have friends over all the time and I've told you numerous times no more today. He begs, talks over me while I'm explaining and finally I just say goodbye and basically have to shut the door in this child's face cause he won't leave until I do! He got the message this time. He didn't come back. Until tomorrow I'm sure :s

I feel bad for him because he's in a new place, new house, new friends but my three year old is constantly being tormented by this boy and my 8yr old doesn't like that he's not nice to her sister. I have no idea what to do! I would appreciate any advice! Talking to him doesn't do a thing. I thought about talking to his parents but its only been three days. I'm scared to make enemies with the neighbours. After telling my husband all this he wants to go over and tell the parents he doesn't want their child at our house anymore. I don't know what to do. Thought I'd write here and maybe someone would have advice for me. Help please! :(

OP posts:
cocolepew · 03/07/2013 18:17

Good grief you have the patience of a saint!
Speak to the patents, learn to close the door in his face and don't engage with him.

Pinkflipflop · 03/07/2013 18:19

Do not encourage this boy to hang around your house.

You will be plagued

There is no law that neighbours have to allow each others children to run in and out of ther house!

LookingForwardToMarch · 03/07/2013 18:32

To be honest his parents sound like they don't give two shits about him, no wonder he wants to hang round with a normal loving family.

None of that is your responsibilty ofcourse and you shouldnt have to have him all day every day.

Can't help feeling sorry for the kid though, sounds annoying, but he is only 9.

It does seem like very odd behaviour from him, though I have seen something similar from neglected kids I've met.

It's like they cotton on that there are nice people,
and when they find them they hound then relentlessly.

Momofthreeloudkids · 03/07/2013 20:49

He came to our house once today but my parents were babysitting for me. My mom told him that when she's babysitting no friends allowed. He didn't argue with her or anything. She did comment how strange it was for a child to ask through my open livingroom window instead of knocking on the door. It's about 4hrs since my mom said he came by. Maybe he found new friends and we will get off easy! Wishful thinking I'll keep you all posted. :) Thanks everyone for the help, advice and support!

Someone asked if I was in the states. I'm In Canada.

OP posts:
Dubjackeen · 03/07/2013 21:44

I am smiling re what your mum said, I have done that, in the past, when babysitting.
Hopefully, he will make friends, and stop pestering you anyway. The parents are taking the p1ss, leaving him with you, when they are new to the area and don't even know you. Definitely, do not engage, a firm No, and door closed, no room for further arguments.

Momofthreeloudkids · 04/07/2013 00:23

He has come to our door three times now. Within a two hour span. First two times I did not engage. "No" shut the door. This third time I said " if the girls want to play they will come over and invite you to our house." He starts trying to talk over me and give his excuses "I'm bored" etc and I stopped him " Listen to me! (Not yelling but stern) If you are allowed to come over you will be invited but you must stop coming to the door over and over. It's becoming too much now"

For the first time I didn't have to shut the door in his face! He actually turned away and walked down the steps! Lets hope this is a victory :)

OP posts:
CrabbyBigBottom · 04/07/2013 01:02

Good God about time! I would have done that the first time he came back to my door after upsetting my child and talking back to me!

Well done, don't budge and don't let him and his parents walk all over you.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 04/07/2013 01:19

Your husband is going over there today to talk to the parents, is he?

Momofthreeloudkids · 04/07/2013 01:48

Yes, he will be going over to speak with his dad after he gets off work. Hopefully within the hour.

OP posts:
Startail · 04/07/2013 01:50

Keep up the good work OP.

Training bored lonely DCs to come only at agreed times is worth it.

I feel terribly sorry for the little girl who used to live next door, she was dumped on extended family who really can't cope with her.

But her pouncing to play the second we drive in the gate drive me nuts and DD2 doesn't always want to play. You have to be firm.

Otherwise it will end in tears, probably yours.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 04/07/2013 01:50

Good work all of you! My jaw was on the floor reading your OP, so you're doing brilliantly.

Thepursuitofhappiness · 04/07/2013 04:32

How did the conversation with parents go OP?

Momofthreeloudkids · 04/07/2013 04:58

My husband thinks its to late to go over. He just got home from work. It's almost 10pm here. Try again tomorrow I guess. sigh

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 04/07/2013 06:11

Yeah, that is too late in anyone's book. Tomorrow!

pinkyredrose · 04/07/2013 18:54

Any update OP, did he come back today?

HenriettaPye · 04/07/2013 19:08

I kinda feel sorry for the child. I think it's quite clear he gets little attention at home. However I can see that isn't your problem OP, and you have enough to do with your own children and don't need another hanging around all day!

Momofthreeloudkids · 04/07/2013 21:06

I caved today. He was trying to peep through my closed blinds because I was ignoring the door. I opened the door with every intention to tell him "No" and ask him not to peep in my windows. However, he looked so sad. My mommy radar told me something isn't right. I tried talking to him but he wasn't divulging anything. We invited him to play in the yard. He was here for three hours before I sent him home for lunch. He wasn't the same little boy as he has been. He was sad, quiet, didn't argue about anything! (Which is all he's done in the past) Asked to play inside when I said no he just said "ok". I corrected him once while playing with my youngest daughter. I took the advice from here and told him of he can't play nice with her he can't come over anymore. Shockingly all he said was "I'm sorry." I don't know what to make of this little boy and now I'm thinking of holding off on talking to his parents. Something isn't quite right with him.

OP posts:
StitchAteMySleep · 04/07/2013 21:13

Trust your instincts, as annoying as it can be for a child to want to be away from home that much alarm bells would be ringing for me. We had this with a neighbours kids who used to slip upstairs to our dd's room if the front door was left open for a second. There were drug abuse and domestic violence issues with the family.

HenriettaPye · 04/07/2013 21:17

See that was what I thought- there must b a reason he doesn't want to be in his own house. He maybe feels safe with you, even though that's unfair on you.

Hard situation to be in

ChasedByBees · 04/07/2013 21:19

Poor little thing. Not a fun situation for you though. :(

Momofthreeloudkids · 04/07/2013 21:30

I'm hoping its nothing serious but something wasn't right. I'm gonna use the advice I've been given, have more patience and see how it goes from here. My DDs are going on holidays with their grandparents tomorrow for a week. Yay for only one child at home! :) Give me a break not only from mine but from the neighbour as well.

OP posts:
CrabbyBigBottom · 06/07/2013 00:04

Just don't put up with the rudeness, bossiness and unpleasantness towards your DD. If you're firm with him he'll probably behave himself and maybe you'll find out what's going on with his family. Don't let him walk all over you all though, like he did the first couple of days!

NatashaBee · 06/07/2013 00:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Momofthreeloudkids · 06/07/2013 16:58

They just moved to our town. He won't be enrolled in school until September.

OP posts:
blondefriend · 06/07/2013 20:16

Poor little lad. I'm afraid my instinct is that something isn't right at home. And to the person who said that phoning social services is an overreaction - I am usually totally in agreement, people do phone SS without any real justification and have been put in that position myself but leaving a child with strangers for hours is akin to leaving them home alone. How do you know they're not about to go out? If your neighbour left their 9 year old outside on the road for hours would you not call professional help - I would!

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