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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucked off with work about this?

49 replies

Kyrptonite · 02/07/2013 17:37

I may be being unreasonable. I'm 30 weeks pregnant, tired and generally unreasonable most of the time!

DS has his induction day at primary school on Friday. I tried to get the day off as unpaid leave but couldn't which is fair enough. MIL is going to drop him off and pick him up.

The issue is the new starters parents meeting that morning from 9-10. I really feel that I should go. He's my first to start school and I want to know about uniforms, lunches, the school day etc. I've begged, asked and offered to bribe to get the hour off but have been told no.

AIBU to be pissed off about this? I've been tutted at for being signed off sick a few weeks ago, had to show proof of my maternity appointments because apparently I had too many ( the other pregnant lady at work hasn't had to do this) and I've rearranged midwife and physio appointments to suit work. I only want a fucking hour and a half off. I feel crap that I won't have a clue what is going on when DS starts school and I can't even take the time as parental leave as I've only been there 9 months.

So as not to drip feed, MIL is my manager so I feel I can't strop too much about this.

OP posts:
purplemurple1 · 02/07/2013 17:45

it does sound annoying but if you've got work you've got work, I'm also 30 wks so get the tiredness etc but accept that my work is 50hrs+ a wk (ofter 15hr days) and involves lots of travel, my choice to take the job, you can't expect the rules to change when you want them to.

Can't your OH go instead?

Musicaltheatremum · 02/07/2013 17:47

So your MIL is your manager and she is going to drop him off. How about asking her to stay at work so you can do it.

Original poster
Kyrptonite · 02/07/2013 17:48

She's on annual leave that day but is too busy to go to the meeting for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kyrptonite · 02/07/2013 17:49

And DP still in probationary period at new job and can't take time off.

OP posts:
Triumphoveradversity · 02/07/2013 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannabeawallaby · 02/07/2013 17:49

Where's your partner in this? He could go.

tripecity · 02/07/2013 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntySib · 02/07/2013 17:52

Could DH get the time off?

HerRoyalNotness · 02/07/2013 17:52

Your MIL is your manager, is dropping your DS to school and is too busy to attend a meeting for you? It sounds like she wants to do the first day of school.

Does your MIL own the company, or does she just happen to work there too? I'm suprised she can't accommodate you on this occasion. Are there any other employees that can stand in at the meeting for you? Are you a participant of it, or just there to take notes if anything crops up affecting your work?

Yika · 02/07/2013 17:53

YADNBU! I would be hopping mad. Does your job require you to be there at specific hours for a very good reason? I don't understand why you can't just make the hours up. It's an important reason to be off for an hour and a half.

CloudsAndTrees · 02/07/2013 17:53

Hard to say if YABU without knowing the job. Some workplaces can be affected quite negatively by staff having time off here and there, especially if it happens fairly regularly as it can during pregnancy.

babybearsmummy · 02/07/2013 17:53

Surely your MIL could be a little more understanding?!
Pull a sicky??!!

wannabeawallaby · 02/07/2013 17:54

Sorry x post.

I've never known it so you can't take leave in your probationary period. Most are six months - are you just not supposed to have any time off??

Can your DP not explain to his employer and just get the morning off.

(Based on my experience I think a few more men could do with pushing employers so it's not always the woman getting out of work and compromising... But that's a whole other thread)

CaptainSweatPants · 02/07/2013 17:54

Our new parents talk was in the evening

What job do you do?

Never mix family & work

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 02/07/2013 17:55

So let me get this right, your MIL is your manager, so your manager is taking time off work to take your child to the session?
If that is correct I think MIL might be over stepping the mark.
Surely it would make more sense for your MIL to cover for you so you could go yourself for that session.
Can your DH not have a chat with her and explain it is important for you to attend?

I would be inclined to contact the school and see if they could send you the information by post or arrange a meeting for another day with the head to get all the info.

With regards to the maternity appointments it may well be that you are having a higher than average amount (you mention physio - not everyone has physio for example) and more than the other pregnant woman. That may have raised eyebrows within the office, so your MIL feels she has to have hard evidence that you are having genuine time off. I can't see why it bothers you so much, as long as you have proof you are fine.

CaptainSweatPants · 02/07/2013 17:56

Cloudandtrees - how can she pull a sickie!! She 'll meet mil in school !! What's she going to say 'oh I'm so ill but I can attend the meeting' !!

ImagineJL · 02/07/2013 17:57

What is your job, and what is the reason for you not being allowed time off?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 02/07/2013 18:00

Is it your mother in law who's blocking you (directly or indirectly) because she wants to be the one to go?

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 02/07/2013 18:01

Yes, I think we need more info about your job really. If it's something where you HAVE to be there at a certain time and there's no cover (you're the only person on reception/answering the phone, or you have your own clients or something) then fair enough, but in a lot of jobs you wouldn't be missed for that hour and could just make up the time.

LineRunner · 02/07/2013 18:02

OP Leaving aside your MIL sounding like a bit of a loon, I would consider these practical options:

  1. Ask the school if you can pop in at a different time for a quick catch-up because you genuinely can't get the time off work;
  1. Tell work you will work core hours only that day and come in at 10am; and tell the school you can unfortunately (because of work) only be at the first part of the induction so could they please tell you any critical stuff and hand out any letters & leaflets at the start;
  1. Ask the school to send you all you need to know via email (because of work).

It is a bummer. As a working lone parent (with an unhelpful Ex) I had to do plenty of juggling like this.

Original poster
Kyrptonite · 02/07/2013 18:02

Nursery practitioner. We have a full staff load in on Friday and I'm on reduced duties anyway due to pregnancy, SPD etc.

She's got the day as annual leave anyway. If she didn't I wouldn't be able to get DS to school at all or would have to ask my mum to take time off. I think what pisses me off is that last Friday we had 2 members of staff on annual leave at the same time yet that was ok.

OP posts:
HenriettaPye · 02/07/2013 18:45

You are 30 weeks pregnant so can go on maternity leave at any time. Go to your midwife and say your spd is getting too much, she will tell you to leave work!

Peachypossum · 02/07/2013 18:49

Very early on in your school career to be hitting the work/school day guilt fest! It sucks doesn't it. Can the school arrange a quick one to one for when you can make it? I find them to be very understanding having worked for all if dds and a lo of ds schooling so far.

I would pick your battles wisely,match up with boring stuff like this as you can, kick up a fuss for sports day and the Christmas play.

Nobhead · 02/07/2013 18:51

Sounds like she wants to do the school stuff with your DS and she's being as awkward as possible for you so that she can be the one to attend. Does this sound like something she would do? If it is I would do what others have said and ask the school for an alternative time or to send you the info. I would also tell MIL that DS won't go to the school that day as you can't have the time off and you need to be there. After all what would do if she wasn't on leave that day to do it for you?
FWIW we ask to see all our staff's appointment cards/letters for medical appointments, pregnant or not, so I don't think this is unreasonable.

Ilovemyself · 02/07/2013 18:53

I would say you had to take it as it was important to find out what was going on and then take it. What are they going to do if you take it? If you have no other disciplinary issues they are hardly going to sack you for it ( and if they do you will have a good case for a tribunal). The fact they have previous for allowing more than one staff member off at once means they can't really do a lot.

Your hubby should be telling his mum to butt out -I know I would if my mum did the same.

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