To be fucked off with work about this?

[Kyrptonite]

I may be being unreasonable. I'm 30 weeks pregnant, tired and generally unreasonable most of the time!

DS has his induction day at primary school on Friday. I tried to get the day off as unpaid leave but couldn't which is fair enough. MIL is going to drop him off and pick him up.

The issue is the new starters parents meeting that morning from 9-10. I really feel that I should go. He's my first to start school and I want to know about uniforms, lunches, the school day etc. I've begged, asked and offered to bribe to get the hour off but have been told no.

AIBU to be pissed off about this? I've been tutted at for being signed off sick a few weeks ago, had to show proof of my maternity appointments because apparently I had too many ( the other pregnant lady at work hasn't had to do this) and I've rearranged midwife and physio appointments to suit work. I only want a fucking hour and a half off. I feel crap that I won't have a clue what is going on when DS starts school and I can't even take the time as parental leave as I've only been there 9 months.

So as not to drip feed, MIL is my manager so I feel I can't strop too much about this.

MIL is probably relishing this. She's getting to do the Mummy stuff. If I wasn't going to do it, I'd ruin her take over plans and get my Mum to take the day and go in, and have her stay for the meeting and take notes for you.
If MIL says anything, say "well seeing you couldn't stay for the meeting at the school, my Mum is doing it all, so go and enjoy your day off" The wobble off or change the subject, followed quickly by getting signed of for maternity leave due to SPD.

I'd love to get signed off but I can't bloody afford to be right now
I think I'll email the school tomorrow and see if they can send me the information.

i dont understand why posters think your Mil should be givibg you preferential treatment and i cant see why you expect it either tbh. your work has said you cant be off, therefore you will have to email the school to ask them all your questions.

It's not about preferential treatment. It's about fair treatment. Deputy manager was allowed to leave for 2 hours last week to hand in a uni essay!

Actually, I wonder whether your MIL is terrified of being accused of giving you preferential treatment, and so is playing it safe?

I agree with those who said don't mix work & families, it makes it so hard and affects all aspects of your relationship unfortunately...

I don't understand why your MIL thinks its ok for her to take leave but not you? Why is she questioning your antenatal appointments ? It's just weird. Anyway can understand and you wanting to be there, however at my dc induction for parents quite a few were unable to attend so they had a leaflet with the info on. So ask if they have something like that with uniform and other info on. I forgot a lot of what they told me in the meeting as ad to refer to the leaflet

Kyrptonite - you've posted about MIL before, haven't you?

It sounds like she likes to use her position of power as your employer as a way to control you and your family. I'd call in sick that day and go and see my son's new school. Tell her it's pregnancy related - after all a) what can she do? b) it's her unborn grandchild, and it's health should be her most important concern.

She sounds like a bully and if she wasn't your MIL, you'd be taking action against her (based on your previous posts, no risk assessments, expected to lift etc). Family doesn't always equal fair/nice.

I also wouldn't be going back there after maternity leave.

Start looking for another job

She can't find a new job she's about to start maternity leave!

Hang on. MIL is boss and she is taking him to school?

What a bitch.

YANBU.

She can start to look. What are the maternity leave restrictions? What are your minimum requirements to your cookoo, controlling MiL employer?

What does DH say about this situation? Can he back you up to his mother?

Look for a job away from her after maternity leave definitely.

I think it depends on your previous absence history - mat appts excepted of course - as to whether they are unreasonable.

Have you offered to work the time back rather than take it as absence?

Thinking about this, I would either ask someone else to take DC to school on that day to spite her, or, ring in sick.

She can't fire you for being preggers and off colour.

DC's father should take DC if it's at all possible.

What sort of sick person would manipulate this situation. You will only get one first day of school?

Me, personally? I would seek legal advice and do the school anyway. Do not let this woman interfere in your life anymore.

What poor management skills your MiL has,

If you don't look after your staff, give support and execute a degree of flexibility, you find they don't have the same level of commitment to the company,

It's really short sighted to operate this way, if you do not retain staff, and the staff you do have, do not feel as dedicated to company as they should do, if they do not feel valued, the company can never be as good as it should be.

It costs a lot to advertise, interview, check references, and train someone new, very time consuming, energy far better spent else where, so the way the place you work is being run is very self-defeating.

If you have explained to management how important it is for you to have these couple of hours, and they have chosen to ignore your feeling on the matter, then you know how much the company values you.

how much time you have had for medical appointments has no relevance to this situation, completely ridiculous.

I would explain yet again (calmly) that you really feel that you should be accommodated on this occasion, if they are still not forth coming, make sure you put all your energies into finding a new job, preferable somewhere run with common-sense.

It is a milestone moment, so the outcome will jump out at you for years,

I would make sure that you are clear to MiL that the reality is, It will have a long term effect on relations, if she continues to go with the plan of stealing the moment from you and your child.

Mil sounds like she wants to be mum! Tricky her being your manager. Could you cry in front of her, tell her you feel like a terrible mother not being able to attend DS first day, that you're loosing sleep and stressing unborn grandchild, basically guilt trip her a little into letting you get the time off? Could you work the time back another day?

Could oh speak to mil for you?

Long term, you need to find a job somewhere else. It sounds like MIL is manipulating the situation so that she can be there and you can't.

Short term, ask if you can pop into the school at another time to pick up the information. I can't imagine you're the only parent who can't make a meeting between 9-10am. Any teachers, for a start!

Your Mil is a twat (I remember prev threads) and I hope to God that your DP has sorted his sorry arse out.
You and your Dc deserve better that these two toxic prats.
You think you need them both much more than you actually do and for you.
Don't let her take your DS to school for his first day. I would be very suspicious of her motives.
Not so long ago you were showing your Dp the door (with her apparent full support!). Could she be trying to make a public show of her being a parent type to your DS?

I wouldn't trust her.
She has been nasty about your spd, ante natal appointments and just about anything else she could!

Take the day off or get someone else to take him.

I've read a couple of your other threads, Kryptonite, which clearly spell out just how toxic your MIL is.
I think your OP should be titled '[AIBU] for being fucked off with MIL about this', but, for some reason, you're not quite ready to direct your anger squarely where it belongs.
Please get a new job, your MIL is a controlling bully, who revels in her power over her DsIL (your SIL works there too, right?)
Why do you stay in this environment?

Just wondering, not sure of the type of work you do, whether a large company, or small family business, but if its a large company, could you approach a higher up manager and ask for a private word. Explain that you would appreciate being moved to another team, that its not ideal working so closely with mil as its like taking work home with you (throw in how would you like to work with your mil?). See if you can get a different manager?

Get your mum to take your boy to school on his first day. Your MIL is playing a game with you.