Raging with DP - am I allowed to be?

[TheDudeAbides]

Have namechanged but am a regular. Need your consensus MN.

DP rang yesterday and asked if I would mind if he went for a few drinks after work with some mates who were then going on to the cinema so he'd be leaving at 7.30pm-ish and heading home (he works in a different city).

All fine with me. I told him to have fun.

By 10pm I was a bit so text him. No reply. Rang him. Phone was off.

I then saw that he'd been on FB and added 2 new friends (presumably from the group he'd been out with) so I sent him an arsey message telling him he was a thoughtless prick eejit sometimes.

He gets on the train at 11.30pm, utterly hammered, and falls asleep going past our city and onto another city 30 miles away .

I ring him on the train back to our city (at 2am - he gets up for work at 5.30am) and admittedly I was angry. He curses at me, tells me I've overreacted and am far too inflexible and instead of coming home he stays on the train, goes back to his work city and kips on a mate's sofa.

AIBU to be annoyed at him? He's 30 fecking years old. It's a Monday night ffs.

In that case, I would tend to view the whole thing as blowing off some steam i.e. a stressed person allowing themselves to wind down too much and it all going a bit wrong.

I think some of his reaction to you might be a reflection of that - he is working hard and feels he needs the downtime and resents anyone questioning that (even though he was actually being a bit of an arse).

To be honest, the night train fiasco and succeeding work day hangover sounds like punishment enough for any upset caused. He must have felt wretched.

Thank you Chaz and Binks - your replies made a lot of sense and have helped me rationalise .

He came home like the proverbial dog a'hangin. I stayed neutral and he was instantly massively apologetic and upset.

We talked for a bit. He knows he's acted like an immature ballbag. I made it clear that I simply would not tolerate it happening again.

I then suggested he went to bed to leave me to think drink wine and perve at Luther .

Thank you for the support and wise words. MN is great

I'm all for partying if you feel like it, married or single. But this would have really pissed me off It's fucking inconsiderate and selfish. Yes, he is a cock for doing it.

Ah, cross post All good then, OP.

Glad to hear that a bit of sober reflection has worked for him and you got the apology you deserved.

Who are all these menchildren ?

And why do some women put up with it ? You give ultimatums ...until the next time of course. I shall never understand it.

I think you are very brave Op watching Luther on your tod tonight...yikes!

Yes yes AF.

Because we all must do what you, the Poundland Claire Rayner, deems appropriate.

Do you ever stop to consider that the relationships portrayed on here exist above and beyond the narky posts you read which are written in anger and frustration?

No, we must all sack off our fundamentally decent but flawed men and wait for some mythical, flawless human of Disney Prince proportions to come and sort it all out .

I'm not perfect. I don't expect the person I'm with to be. I expect to be able to rant on here, talk to my DP, resolve shit and then resume happy family life.

I'm sure your relationship is completely conflict, frustration and anger free but tbh I'd rather be single than live in that state of stagnation.

Keep doling out your absolutes and threats but I'm not going to hang around to listen.

You're a glorified bully and, in my many years on here, the downside of MN.

I'm ard as nails Buzzard

The bloke deserves a medal for surviving the day! Bet he felt awful,, can't see him repeating that in a hurry

I struck a nerve then....

Blimey. I'd be furious. I'm astonished at the answers on here really.

I was furious Madonna. The thread kinda gives it away?

I'm not now

And no AF, you didn't. Your woefully predictable response merely provoked me to say what I've been thinking for a long time about your misplaced dominion on this board.

Feeling very zen now

I have my next name change sorted

Misplaced Dominon does sound like a comic book anti hero...

Do it

Or the name of a band.

"And now to the main stage.........misplaced dominion!!!!!"

I was thinking downside of MN actually

I also propose a new topic

"I am just venting and any questions raised will be shut down with aggression and personal attacks"

I wonder if it will catch on

"poundland Clare Rayner" has a snappy ring to it

It didn't even occur to me that it was only men who could get smashed on a Monday night when they have work. Heyyy, happy days - equality is now.

Well, I can see your point OP, MN often tends to go as far as possible along the lines of 'He's an alcoholic who is emotionally abusive LTB' which can shock someone who has posted about how annoying their partner is having gone on the piss and not come home.

It depends how you see a relationship as working, and for how long.
In my own situation, that would never happen to me as my OH barely drinks and wouldn't see the logic in having a huffy flounce and sleeping at a mate's house.
It has, however happened to him several times. But I grew up.

It would be the non-contact that would annoy me. I'm a born worrier and if DH has gone to a night that finishes at 2am (for example) and decides to go to a mate's afterwards, I really don't mind as long as he lets me know. If it gets to silly o clock and he's not back, then I worry and he KNOWS this so he always sends me a text to let me know. That's all I ask.

Sounds as if his day was punishment enough though...go out this weekend and have a blast OP

I work in a job which is sometimes knackering and stressful and there are times where I know I have to have some downtime or I will crack. I don't drink but if I am trying to wind down even just by reading a book and that time is challenged or interrupted it can be a bit like poking a tiger with a stick. I know for my own sanity I just need a break from being responsible to or for anyone.