You're a shit mother. Come back from that or not bother?

[Samuelleo]

Just that really.

Tell him to try giving birth & raising a child. When he comes crying he won't get any sympathy.

This thread is really strange.

Op says very little in the OP, doesn't explain the build up to the insult. Appears quite casual when relating he said it to hurt her and forgives because he brings flowers.

Up to you where your standards are but I would find it very hard to forgive that.

Adorabell - love your response.

It was a very hurtful thing to say, but what was the context?

The fact that you haven't answered all the posters asking you why and what was the reason is odd.
I have met many mothers who have done foolish, harmful, ignorant or intentional things to their children that made then shit mothers in my eyes.
Sometimes the parent can learn, or undo the damage, sometimes although they are mothers, I wouldn't have trusted them with a potted plant let alone a child.
Some mothers are attacked and insulted and they are magnificent parents who are doing their best in tricky circumstances.
So what made your OH judge your parenting so harshly?

Adorabell, that would be my response too.

Some people are just like that, throwing out whatever insult is going to hurt the most, regardless of the argument.

In the words of my DP "The point of an argument is to hurt each others feelings". Ermmm, no it's not! Thankfully, he grew up a bit when I made it clear that I don't have to take that shit.

Neither do you, OP. Not sure a bunch of flowers and an apology would cut it for me. I hope you gave him a good telling off

2gorgeousboys - my sister did the same, called me a bad mother (for wanting to leave my dh/lovely house/car/money) that was nearly 4 years ago and I've not spoken to her since.

My dp was nearly an ex when he told me (in an argument) that i was like my dad! (a terrible insult to me!) Hurtful yes, but if he'd attacked my parenting he would def be out.

people say things they don't mean in the heat of an arument when they are hurt and angry.Unless it is part of a pattern , it is not abuse, it is making a mistake , it is being human.

Perhaps he was right though?
As I said, I've come across a few truly shit mothers.
If you separate, would he want custody?

Terrible thing to say but it sounds like it was said in the heat of the moment, it wasn't meant and he now regrets saying it. I've said things in an argument I didn't really mean. As a once off and with appropriate remorse I would forgive, make sure he knows he crossed a line!

This has made me think about the way that dh and I argue.
I shout. A Lot. But I only say what I really mean.
And he says the most hurtfull things, on purpose.
Damage is done.

OP gone? Very wierd thread.

First time poster too.

No it's not human it's very very nasty. I and dh don't really argue but if we do there are things I would never say.

Taught my kids to do the same. I have friends who allow their kids to say ' I hate you' and think its ok, it most defiantly is not.

Unless you are prepared to say more op there's no more to say as maybe what you did was very bad or neglectful.

It was a mean nasty thing to say. And probably the only reason for saying it is because he knew it would be something that would really hurt you and it did. So nothing to do with what kind of mother you are but said in a moment of anger to hurt. That's my opinion.

Sometimes people say things in anger to hurt each other but dont mean it. If he is usually a lovely husband try to forgive but explain how hurt you feel. Hope it gets sorted

Exactly mama

And yes, there are some parents who are not good, or even really bad at parenting, but the way to deal with a person you say you love is to calmly explain what needs to change and find a way to make the changes together.

At times I've been angry enough to want to leave, and I know my OH well enough to destroy him with a few well chosen words. I don't mean just hurt, I could ruin his life completely, but I choose not to attack and cause pain. When something needs to be said I talk to him about whatever the issue is, and vice versa, but neither of us try hurt the other.