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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You're a shit mother. Come back from that or not bother?

65 replies

Samuelleo · 01/07/2013 21:53

Just that really.

OP posts:
2gorgeousboys · 01/07/2013 22:14

I might be outing myself now but hey ho.....

12 months ago my sister called me I was a bad mother and told me that everyone thought so. Apparently she was only saying to my face what everyone one else said behind my back. We have not spoken since!

TalkativeJim · 01/07/2013 22:15

But why was that the thing that sprang to mind for him?

Ask him that. And don't feed him an answer - 'Was it because of x?' - just wait for an explanation.

Emilythornesbff · 01/07/2013 22:15

ouch.

let it go as a one off?
maybe?

that's a bit low.

(did you get the baby back from Glasto yet?)

Original poster
Samuelleo · 01/07/2013 22:17

Well, he's actually just apologiser hugely and proffered flowers so maybe I jumped the Aibu gun..

OP posts:
Original poster
Samuelleo · 01/07/2013 22:18

Apologiser, not apologiser

OP posts:
Original poster
Samuelleo · 01/07/2013 22:19

APOLOGISED

OP posts:
Emilythornesbff · 01/07/2013 22:19

i should bloody well think so.

Original poster
Samuelleo · 01/07/2013 22:21

Thanks, Emily

OP posts:
MagzFarqharson · 01/07/2013 22:22

Well, some men just seem to go for the worst possible, hit below the belt comment they can use in an argument - for point scoring and not usually anything to do with the current discussion/disagreement. He knows, as do most men, that hurling that insult at you will stop you dead in your tracks and give them the upper hand - don't take it to heart - you know that you're a good mum, or the comment wouldn't have hurt you so much,

Original poster
Samuelleo · 01/07/2013 22:24

I think you're right. And I should accept his retraction.

OP posts:
imademarion · 01/07/2013 22:43

Glad to hear he has said sorry, it was a spiteful thing to say and bound to cause real pain.

(I think Kenny Rogers is looking after the baby for you though)

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 01/07/2013 23:49

"He said he didn't mean it he knew that would hurt me in the heat of the row."
And that makes it ok? That's even bloody worse - he deliberately thought of the worst, most hurtful, vicious thing he could say to you - the mother of his child(ren) because he wanted to "win" a stupid argument...
If you "accept his retraction" this time, he will say something even more hurtful next time - he's a twat.
Tell him he has a tiny dick and every single orgasm you never had was faked so he would go the fuck to sleep and let you masturbate in peace and see how he likes it. Then tell him he now knows how you feel.

AdoraBell · 02/07/2013 00:05

That would be a deal breaker for me OP, I would have responded with,

And you are my ex.

AdoraBell · 02/07/2013 00:09

Not only the insult, also the desire To hurt emotionally.

saulaboutme · 02/07/2013 00:53

That's bad sorry.

Why did he want to stick that knife in. I wouldn't forgive that.

Don't forgive so easily, that's hurtful.

drfayray · 02/07/2013 04:21

My mother and I have a difficult relationship. When the DC were little and I was visiting them in Singapore, mum shouted at me that I was a bad mother... DS was about 4 (now 17) and has never forgotten this...and used to say from time to time...you are a good mother, mummy...

Mum also accused me of loving my children too much...ummm okay...

That is a rather low blow ...why say something like that even if you are angry?

EDMNWiganSalfordandBlackpool · 02/07/2013 04:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Roshbegosh · 02/07/2013 04:46

OP hasn't said what she did that made him say it. It isn't right just to attack her DP.

Numberlock · 02/07/2013 04:56

Why the reluctance to give the context OP?

TheRealFellatio · 02/07/2013 05:27

I agree with Roshbegosh we can't judge him with so little information and lack of context. It's a horrible thing to say to someone but sometimes it might need saying IYKWIM.

There are women on here saying that about their partners or ex-partners every day. What should the reaction of the man be if he heard? Deny and get angry? Or listen and try to change?

Context is everything.

Dontbugmemalone · 02/07/2013 05:54

I think personal attacks during an arugument are disgusting.

Yes it's common to say things we regret in the heat of the moment but that doesn't justify it.

I think it's important to learn how to argue without getting angry.

Roshbegosh · 02/07/2013 06:14

Are we supposed to say that there is no such thing as a bad mother? The concept doesn't exist eh?

Fairylea · 02/07/2013 06:32

What provoked your dh to say that? Especially as you said yourself it wasn't for no reason.

pumpkinsweetie · 02/07/2013 06:43

I would have been steamed, stark raving mad at someone saying this, let alone my own dh. I think a bit more than sorry is needed here, he needs to treat you kindly in future and get you back to believing what a wonderful mum you are before you even think of forgiving him!

TroublesomeEx · 02/07/2013 06:50

Tbh, When you're both in a calm mood I'd have a word with him about appropriate expressions of anger - because this is not one of them.

I think people who go for the most hurtful, insulting comment they can in an argument thinking they can retract it later and you'll know it was "only because" they were angry have no idea about the effect of such a comment. It can chip away at the respect and trust until there is nothing left.

On the other hand, did he say it when he was angry because of something you'd actually done? Because there are some really shit mums (and dads) out there and sometimes they really do need calling on it, whether they want to hear it or not!