To wonder why weddings turn perfectly normal women into selfish, thoughtless bitches

[Antibridezilla]

A mixture of another thread on here and a situation i am currently in, but why do perfectly nice, sensible women turn completely insane in the run up to their wedding?

I'm going to a wedding in August and there is absolutely fuck all consideration for the guests, it's all about doing exactly what the bride wants and fuck the rest of us.

All this 'it's their day' is a load of crap IMO, if that's the case they should piss off and get married alone. If they have an ounce of common sense they should realise that they should be grateful people are attending and should not think people should be grateful they are invited.

Rant over!

[Trills]

I have a friend who phoned up to book a registrar on the first day that you could book them for er chosen date- got held in a queue for an hour or so - and had to have her wedding at noon.

It might just be her county that is a bit crap.

[Yama]

I've never been invited to a childfree wedding.
I've never been invited to a food free wedding.

My friends are better than your friends.

I've have been to one in the middle of fecking nowhere though. The bride paid my hotel bill though as I was a bridesmaid.

[RaisingChaotic]

I remember your thread too, OP

Just think no meal for the all day guests - not on, a good host would feed their guests, even if it's a buffet instead of a sit down meal.

Venue in the middle of no where - thoughtless but not the end of the world, especially if they put on transport.

No children unless is suits the bride - I don't have a problem with no children, in fact I think with some weddings the children would be bored stiff.

Cash gifts - meh...can't get myself worked up about this.

[valiumredhead]

I think people forget they can just say no thanks to an invitation, if they don't fancy it.

Surely cash is easier than going to buy a present?

[Boosterseat]

ynbu

my DSIL is like this at the moment

helps.

She also asked for cash, no poem either - the bitch.

[maternitart]

Weddings these days IMO are too long, and this is the crux of many a bridezillaesque issue:

Not feeding guests enough
Leaving guests to fend for themselves for hours
Too long a day for kids
Guests needing accommodation night before and after

Etc...

The last two weddings I attended started at 11 and finished around midnight. 13 hours!

[ClayDavis]

Easier said than done though, valium. A friend from work did the pretty venue in the middle of nowhere thing. She invited me to the evening do, knowing that I don't drive and couldn't afford the taxi fare.

The fall out from turning down the invite was huge. She didn't speak to me for months. Apparently, I was unreasonable because other people from work were going and I could have got a lift. Which was true but she'd invited them all to the whole day. What I was supposed to do for 8 hrs in the middle of nowhere I have no idea.

She is generally just 'zilla' though.

[Bonsoir]

I'm totally fed up with weddings that cost a fortune to attend - plane or train tickets, hotel for two nights, big present, new clothes (so budgets running into EUR 1000s for a family) - with terrible food and lots of hanging around. I just don't go anymore when that's the case.

[hackmum]

The essence of being a good host, whether it's a house party or a wedding, is to be considerate of your guests' needs. Isn't that obvious? Does it really need spelling out? People who think it's all about them and what they need and that they don't need to think about making the event comfortable for their guests are just selfish pains in the bum. I don't understand the mentality of some posters who say "it's their event, they get to do as they choose". If you're expecting people to travel a long distance/buy a wedding present/buy new clothes/pay for a hotel, then the very least you can do is make sure they have a nice time.

[littlepeas]

YANBU! My cousin got married last year, my sister is getting married this year - they both seemed to undergo a personality transplant. I am fairly sure my cousin still resents the fact that I had to bring my exclusively bf baby, even though I bent over backwards to be there despite it being very awkward for us (had to leave dh at home with 2 older dc who were not invited - wedding was far from home). She sent everyone a thank you card except me.

[mrsshackleton]

Totally agree about weddings going on too long

Ideal wedding: ceremony 11am, lunch 12.30pm. Over 3-4pm

Or - ceremony 5pm, dinner 7pm, disco ending at midnight.

Brides take note.

[Belchica]

I do hear you OP, but can also see it from the organisers side. Hosting a large event with lots of people is always going to be a nightmare down to trying to please everybody. Bride/groom parents, especially if contributing financially can significantly change the tone of things despite best efforts.

DP and i are not yet married but several of his friends have discussed our 'future wedding' with me (we aren't even engaged yet and never even openly talk about this!). There is one bloke who fell out with everyone else in the group 10 yrs ago. DP stood by this guy and we are friends with him and his wife and the others all know this. I've been told by DPs friends that I cannot invite this bloke to our wedding!!! WTF! Since when do guests get to decide this? Same friends have been outraged by our recent decision to have a small family baptism and have told DP that we are the talk of the group and that we should be having a big party for friends and their DC 'because that's what they all did'!! I lose the will to live and a Caribbean island with just me, DP and DC looks very appealing...

[SmiteYouWithThunderbolts]

YANBU. I'm all for 'your wedding, your way' but if you're actually going to implement that and seriously piss your guests off in the process, you need to accept that lots of people will decline and think you're an arsehole.

We went to great lengths to make sure everyone who came to our wedding was comfortable, well fed and watered, and happy. It was a great day and our friends still talk about how much they enjoyed it. I've been to other weddings where you almost feel an inconvenience as a guest for having the audacity to show up and expect to be entertained.

I sneakily videoed SIL the day before her wedding while she was barking instructions at unsuspecting family members and bridesmaids on how to do the finishing touches to the order of service, favours and venue decorations precisely to her standard. Sadly I missed the epic strop that occurred when one of us did a bit wrong. At some point I'll show her the video and I think she'll be mortified at just HOW bridezilla she was.

[MostlyCake]

Littlepeas that's just rude! maybe your card was lost in the post....?

[Pagwatch]

Honestly, two months ago I would have been giving the OP a hard time and posting in slightly superior tones about how I have never experienced such a thing.

Now I am living through bridezilla hell. The 'just don't go' isn't possibly because whilst I would happily tell the bride to swivel I would desperately upset some people I love dearly.

[MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird]

I don't understand how a new outfit is seen as a part of the cost of attending a wedding. Unless you have massively changed in shape recently, or have plenty of money and enjoy shopping, can't you just dig out the outfit you wore to the last wedding? That's what I do. Or is everyone secretly whispering about me at weddings?

[TheBookofRuth]

Ah, yes, the "make sure you eat beforehand because we aren't feeding you" thing.

When my SIL got married we were instructed to have a big breakfast as only nibbles would be provided after the service. Thing is, her entire family were staying with DH and I the night before (so that she wasn't inconvenienced by having to put them up), so guess who ended up having to provide said big breakfast?!

Having said that, I'm sure there were people who thought I was a bridezilla about my wedding, mainly because some people seem to regard doing anything other than getting quietly hitched in a hole in the ground as evidence of 'zillaness.

[Antibridezilla]

raisingchaotic 'Venue in the middle of no where - thoughtless but not the end of the world, especially if they put on transport.'

My problem with this is that we are all expected to drive to the ceremony (which is no way near where most guests live) then get this bus thing to the venue, then get a taxi home (from a venue which again is no way near where most people live and no way near where our cars will be).

TBH I think a lot of people won't bother with the bus, we're not going to, because it creates more problems that it solves. If you are able to get to the ceremony and home from the venue by public transport it's a great idea, but there are very few places, other than London, where this is the case.

It's just an example of the bride wanting something so she's going to have it, even if it is a waste of money that could have been better spent....on food for example!

[thecapitalsunited]

I've just come back from a wedding which epitomises what a good wedding should be. It was abroad (in the country where the bride is from) but the bride and groom insisted that anyone coming should not bring a present and that turning up was enough. They laid on transport between hotel and venue and made sure that people with kids could get back when they'd had enough.

Service was at 2pm and we had been fed by 4pm. Bride and groom slipped away for some photos while people were distracted by some snacks and cakes. The after party went on until the early hours but the bride and groom made sure that there was plenty of food to soak up the free flowing booze. Of course, the bride was from a culture where the guests honour the bride and groom by their attendance and not the other way round. Not feeding people adequately would have brought shame on their family.

I understand that weddings are expensive but I do think that keeping your guests well fed and entertained should be more of a priority than getting some posh pictures. You are there to celebrate your friends getting married and its difficult to keep a smile on your face if you are hungry and bored.

[RaisingChaotic]

Anti yes, I do see your point there. The weddings I've been to have all been local and relatively easy to get to. The one wedding where the church and venue were there was quite a long distance between them the bride arranged for me to get a lift to the venue then I got a taxi home. I don't drive so I'm used to having to get taxis home from nights out/events.

I do believe that the b&g should be able to have the wedding they want, so long as they can afford it, eg they should be able to invite whom they want. However, I also think they should take their guests needs into consideration. Making sure their guests are well fed and at least have drinks with their meal (I personally don't object to pay bars afterwards) and that they're not expected to hang around for hours on end cold/bored/hungry while the b&g are having photos taken.

[TempusFuckit]

YANBU. The just don't go thing is only an option if you're not family or close friends too. Otherwise not going will be seen as a huge snub - particularly from the type of person who wants to be a princess for a day. You are expected to be there by royal command.

My SIL insisted her sister attend their wedding - leaving behind her week-old EBF baby. The sister did it too (I think she had to keep popping out for feeds).

An it's not just a day of your life. It's often three days once travel is taken into account, plus weeks or even months worth of spending money swallowed up. And when you factor in childcare, it's often impacting on people the happy couple don't even know. All of which is fine to see a friend get married, but the goodwill should cut both ways.

[bettycocker]

I can sympathise with OP. It also depends on who the bridezilla is. If it's one of my family who I like or close friends, I'll put up with all kinds of nonsense.

If it's a duty wedding and have to go because of DP, or it's one of my family who I don't like much - that's when I start to get mightily resentful.

Fortunately, I have either met all of my closest friends by the time they were married, or they are so laid back that they can't be arsed to get married.

[sparklekitty]

I know someone who had a no kids wedding (fine) but still bitches about her friend who didn't go because she had a 4mo breastfed baby at the time! She had no children, I tactfully told her it was probably quite difficult for said friend. Her answer was to just give baby a bottle of formula for the day and leave him, no big deal! Hehe. I hope she is in the same situation one day, then she'll get it.

She also 'demoted' her head bridesmaid to guest when she told her she was pregnant as her focus would obviously not be 100% on her in the run up. She did even congratulate her!

On the other hand I like to think our wedding was accommodating. All in one place, close to station with family to pick up. 2 meals, all kids welcome for the whole thing. Although, shock, horror, we did do a gift list.

[bettycocker]

I llove these bridezilla threads, but they are also putting me off the idea of getting married.

[hedgehogpickle]

I think I remember your other thread OP!

It is pretty tricky sometimes to find a compromise between what you & the groom would like/can afford and what is going to be easiest for your guests but you should at least make a bloody good effort in the areas that you can (even then you won't keep everyone happy but at least you will know you tried). Demoting bridesmaids, uninviting BFing guests and (as a friend of a friend did) forbidding the bridesmaids from getting haircuts for the 6 months before the wedding?! are just lunacy and probably tells you more about the bride & groom's real personality than anything else!