To wonder why weddings turn perfectly normal women into selfish, thoughtless bitches

[Antibridezilla]

A mixture of another thread on here and a situation i am currently in, but why do perfectly nice, sensible women turn completely insane in the run up to their wedding?

I'm going to a wedding in August and there is absolutely fuck all consideration for the guests, it's all about doing exactly what the bride wants and fuck the rest of us.

All this 'it's their day' is a load of crap IMO, if that's the case they should piss off and get married alone. If they have an ounce of common sense they should realise that they should be grateful people are attending and should not think people should be grateful they are invited.

Rant over!

[Snoopingforsoup]

I have no tolerance for this kind of shite. I just wouldn't go.

In fact, brides should start realising they're not Victoria Beckham across the land. Weddings cost the guests a fortune, they're all a bit identikit and largely unenjoyable.

I'm a serial decliner. I still get invited because I may not seem it, but I'm a nice decent person.

I just can't bear anything so bloody over-dramatic and unnecessary! I hate what weddings do to normally sane people.

No, I don't want to share your big day. I'll let you show me the photo's over a nice glass of wine when you're back to being the person I like thanks very much.

God I'm a grumpy cow today!

[ifyourehoppyandyouknowit]

As far as choosing what time of day to get married; it's not always that simple. The earliest we could book our registrar was exactly one year in advance. We called up that morning and we managed to get through on the phone (after trying many many times) at 9.45am. By that point there were 2 slots still available for our wedding day - noon or 5pm. We had had to book the venue 2 years in advance.

I would probably have made an AIBU thread because I didn't even put on a buffet for evening guests (mostly just local friends of my parents and a couple of distant relatives), just bacon sandwiches for everyone.

[saulaboutme]

Btw, it sounds crap and yanbu.

A wedding is a celebration and if you're inviting guests you have to be realistic with distances and timescales and provide decent refreshments. Even with the humblest weddings!

at my wedding we sent the invites and people could either come or not! and we had kids there, when they were tired out the parents just took them home.
If some one couldn't come they politely declined. I didn't hold it against them....sorry waffling now.

Don't go!

[saulaboutme]

I think you'd do well not to go.

If issues will arise because of it feign illness...feeble I know.
I think I would and spend the day with a boxset. Just not worth the hassle and expense.
Good luck...

[Cravey]

There is a simple answer to all this. Don't go. Don't go. Don't go. There you go. That was nice and simple for you want it ? I think some brides go a bit odd but I say leave them to it. Turn down the invite and all is well.

[tinkertitonk]

Dame, if your message was for me, what happened next was that after about 3 hours the bride's father, who by that point had divorced the mother, managed to unsack the caterers, so that at 11 pm we got something to eat. By which point the children were tearful and the grownups either displeased (eg DH) or drunk (eg me). So my memory is slightly clouded tbh.

[meganorks]

I am getting married next year so will be checking with interest to see if I make it to an AIBU thread. Because it seems like no matter what, people will be offended. Thinking of adding a note to the bottom 'if you think IABU feel free to get in contact or not come'
Venue is pretty close to where I live and a lot of people, but impossible to be close to everyone as people live in different places!
Ceremony at 2 with canapes after and food about 4.30 so was planning to tell people to have a good breakfast or at least tell them times of food so they can plan accordingly. Seems that is offensive too.
Not going to be child free as I have kids. But not planning to specifically invite any kids as if I invite all that nearly doubles the guestlist. So going to ask people to make alternative arrangements if they can and speak to me if this isn't possible. I expect there to be some kids. Especially if people have to travel a long way. No doubt this is offensive too. Or will backfire and everyone will bring kids!
Basically whatever I do I can't win! I want people to come and enjoy themselves not come along and moan about the inconvenience of it all!

[DameFanny]

I need to know what happened next please...

[tinkertitonk]

Clever people can annoy their guests without giving them (the guests) any option. For an example from actual memory, the bride's mother can fight with the caterers and sack them.

Between the ceremony and the reception.

[expatinscotland]

Nope, I would still just not go.

[expatinscotland]

The two-tier wedding has a lot to answer for, but hey, no,not even for family would I skint out my own immediate family, leave a tiny EBF baby, etc. if they don't get it, then that's their fault.

People only get away with bridezilla behaviour because others enable it.

[EldritchCleavage]

I don't understand the 'celebrity for a day' wedding culture. It's a bit pathetic that grown adults fall for it, to be honest.

But there's no pleasing some guests either. DH and I had a mid-morning registry office wedding, wedding bus to a restaurant reception where we fed and watered our guests very generously (my nephews, for example, were ravenous teenagers and ate three different dinners each), gave them speeches and cake, then drinks in the restaurant bar from 6pm (these drinks not paid for by us, to be fair). MIL and others still grumbled we were not having an evening do. Was 11am to 6pm not enough wedding for them?

Interestingly, DH and I and a Catholic couple we know (who had to do it for religious reasons) are the only marrieds out of all our friends. Almost every non-married couple at our wedding, mostly together for yonks, told us family feuds/pressure and wedding madness and expectations of outrageous spending were the main reason they weren't getting married.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Antibridezilla - if there is a lot of time between the ceremony and the evening buffet, perhaps you and some other guests could get together and order pizza to be delivered.

[hedgehogpickle]

I think I remember your other thread OP!

It is pretty tricky sometimes to find a compromise between what you & the groom would like/can afford and what is going to be easiest for your guests but you should at least make a bloody good effort in the areas that you can (even then you won't keep everyone happy but at least you will know you tried). Demoting bridesmaids, uninviting BFing guests and (as a friend of a friend did) forbidding the bridesmaids from getting haircuts for the 6 months before the wedding?! are just lunacy and probably tells you more about the bride & groom's real personality than anything else!

[bettycocker]

I llove these bridezilla threads, but they are also putting me off the idea of getting married.

[sparklekitty]

I know someone who had a no kids wedding (fine) but still bitches about her friend who didn't go because she had a 4mo breastfed baby at the time! She had no children, I tactfully told her it was probably quite difficult for said friend. Her answer was to just give baby a bottle of formula for the day and leave him, no big deal! Hehe. I hope she is in the same situation one day, then she'll get it.

She also 'demoted' her head bridesmaid to guest when she told her she was pregnant as her focus would obviously not be 100% on her in the run up. She did even congratulate her!

On the other hand I like to think our wedding was accommodating. All in one place, close to station with family to pick up. 2 meals, all kids welcome for the whole thing. Although, shock, horror, we did do a gift list.

[bettycocker]

I can sympathise with OP. It also depends on who the bridezilla is. If it's one of my family who I like or close friends, I'll put up with all kinds of nonsense.

If it's a duty wedding and have to go because of DP, or it's one of my family who I don't like much - that's when I start to get mightily resentful.

Fortunately, I have either met all of my closest friends by the time they were married, or they are so laid back that they can't be arsed to get married.

[TempusFuckit]

YANBU. The just don't go thing is only an option if you're not family or close friends too. Otherwise not going will be seen as a huge snub - particularly from the type of person who wants to be a princess for a day. You are expected to be there by royal command.

My SIL insisted her sister attend their wedding - leaving behind her week-old EBF baby. The sister did it too (I think she had to keep popping out for feeds).

An it's not just a day of your life. It's often three days once travel is taken into account, plus weeks or even months worth of spending money swallowed up. And when you factor in childcare, it's often impacting on people the happy couple don't even know. All of which is fine to see a friend get married, but the goodwill should cut both ways.

[RaisingChaotic]

Anti yes, I do see your point there. The weddings I've been to have all been local and relatively easy to get to. The one wedding where the church and venue were there was quite a long distance between them the bride arranged for me to get a lift to the venue then I got a taxi home. I don't drive so I'm used to having to get taxis home from nights out/events.

I do believe that the b&g should be able to have the wedding they want, so long as they can afford it, eg they should be able to invite whom they want. However, I also think they should take their guests needs into consideration. Making sure their guests are well fed and at least have drinks with their meal (I personally don't object to pay bars afterwards) and that they're not expected to hang around for hours on end cold/bored/hungry while the b&g are having photos taken.

[thecapitalsunited]

I've just come back from a wedding which epitomises what a good wedding should be. It was abroad (in the country where the bride is from) but the bride and groom insisted that anyone coming should not bring a present and that turning up was enough. They laid on transport between hotel and venue and made sure that people with kids could get back when they'd had enough.

Service was at 2pm and we had been fed by 4pm. Bride and groom slipped away for some photos while people were distracted by some snacks and cakes. The after party went on until the early hours but the bride and groom made sure that there was plenty of food to soak up the free flowing booze. Of course, the bride was from a culture where the guests honour the bride and groom by their attendance and not the other way round. Not feeding people adequately would have brought shame on their family.

I understand that weddings are expensive but I do think that keeping your guests well fed and entertained should be more of a priority than getting some posh pictures. You are there to celebrate your friends getting married and its difficult to keep a smile on your face if you are hungry and bored.

[Antibridezilla]

raisingchaotic 'Venue in the middle of no where - thoughtless but not the end of the world, especially if they put on transport.'

My problem with this is that we are all expected to drive to the ceremony (which is no way near where most guests live) then get this bus thing to the venue, then get a taxi home (from a venue which again is no way near where most people live and no way near where our cars will be).

TBH I think a lot of people won't bother with the bus, we're not going to, because it creates more problems that it solves. If you are able to get to the ceremony and home from the venue by public transport it's a great idea, but there are very few places, other than London, where this is the case.

It's just an example of the bride wanting something so she's going to have it, even if it is a waste of money that could have been better spent....on food for example!

[TheBookofRuth]

Ah, yes, the "make sure you eat beforehand because we aren't feeding you" thing.

When my SIL got married we were instructed to have a big breakfast as only nibbles would be provided after the service. Thing is, her entire family were staying with DH and I the night before (so that she wasn't inconvenienced by having to put them up), so guess who ended up having to provide said big breakfast?!

Having said that, I'm sure there were people who thought I was a bridezilla about my wedding, mainly because some people seem to regard doing anything other than getting quietly hitched in a hole in the ground as evidence of 'zillaness.

[MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird]

I don't understand how a new outfit is seen as a part of the cost of attending a wedding. Unless you have massively changed in shape recently, or have plenty of money and enjoy shopping, can't you just dig out the outfit you wore to the last wedding? That's what I do. Or is everyone secretly whispering about me at weddings?

[Pagwatch]

Honestly, two months ago I would have been giving the OP a hard time and posting in slightly superior tones about how I have never experienced such a thing.

Now I am living through bridezilla hell. The 'just don't go' isn't possibly because whilst I would happily tell the bride to swivel I would desperately upset some people I love dearly.

[MostlyCake]

Littlepeas that's just rude! maybe your card was lost in the post....?