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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate mothers who go on and on about how they think their children are marvellous

77 replies

Klingyston · 01/07/2013 20:06

Particularly one at school who does this all the time and in doing so puts my daughter down eg says hers is best at English in the class so by default better than mine. Really groom

OP posts:
Emilythornesbff · 01/07/2013 22:05

ha. same.
ok thanks.
You?

Wallison · 01/07/2013 22:09

I don't hate them but I do cringe for them.

amazingmumof6 · 01/07/2013 22:14

I miss Nolan Sad < considers name change to NolanRoss'SecretLover>Grin
anyway, back to thread. I tell some friends if we have good news or I'm proud of my kids.
I'll also tell if they are idiots.
and vice versa.
we laugh, we roll eyes.

I don't do either with people I don't know. and rarely offer information without being asked first.
well in RL anyway.

MN a bit different of course - I might boast a bit. but I don't exaggerate the truth.

amazingmumof6 · 01/07/2013 22:21

OP why don't you aske the teacher about how your DD is doing?

and who cares if the other kid is better? being the best is boring, there's no one to beat!
(I know that from experience of courseGrin)

tell your DD it is lonely being on the top.
and avoid the mum if you can.

you could also say "well good on your kid at being better at English. mine has GREAT manners and loads of friends though!"
that will teach herWink

Emilythornesbff · 01/07/2013 22:24

Grin and Envy @ NolanRoss'secretlover

can i have aiden then?

OP I do hope I don't end up boasting too much about my DCs.
But i'm sure I'll be very proud of them.

lougle · 01/07/2013 22:27

Don't give it head space.

My DD1 is marvellous. We knew she'd be marvellous even as a baby. Everyone told us how marvellous she was and how marvellous she would be. We got endless comments about her eyes being so intense and 'taking it all in' when she was around 2. She really was marvellous.

Now, we are celebrating that she managed to do a SATS test in Maths and managed to get a 1c. At the end of year 2. She couldn't do the Literacy SATS because you have to be assessed as level 1 before you can attempt them and she is still on P Levels for reading and writing. She's still assessed as 'W' (working towards level 1) in all other areas.

She works hard, she overcomes, she just doesn't have academic scores which match her effort.

She's marvellous and I dare anyone to tell me different.

KeefRegina · 01/07/2013 22:31

Yep do not see how this is a put down.

I have a family member who is super bright, well ahead for her age, she is a second cousin.

I also have my own, normally progressing DC. When I mention this girl, people always jump in first, with the - pushy parents, which they arnt, you cant push for a super advanced child like her! Then all the negative stuff. Only rarely does someone say - wow - that's so interesting, what can she do, can she relate to her peers, how are the parents handling it. People do take it as an a front " every child develops at their own pace"

Its an interesting human reaction and reminds me how people find it hard to take on information without it always relating back to themselves.

It would not bother me. I am sure your DC would be better in something else, and anyway who cares!

amazingmumof6 · 01/07/2013 22:32

Aiden is all yours sweets!

I bet no one wants Daniel though.

and Blondes should have JackGrin

sorry everyone, sorry. Emily and I miss Revenge.

back to kids....

amazingmumof6 · 01/07/2013 22:39

and anyway it doesn't matter how mahwellous my children are.

I am even more mahwellous for giving them birth and loving them and teaching them wonderful things.....

... ( what's that DH? no! have they really just made DS5 to "show his middle finger"? ssssshhhh, these bitches on MN will hear and my amazing reputation will be gone...)

themightyfandango · 01/07/2013 22:43

I think it's fine with family and close friends to some extent providing you are not OTT as these people will hopefully have a balanced view of your life and be happy to celebrate the good and commiserate the bad with you. It's wiser to keep quiet with acquaintances as they don't have a balanced view and it's too easy to sound boastful.
For example I am really proud of my son for gaining an A* in a recent exam. On FB this would sound boastful but the reality is he has ASD and struggles hugely. His other results were pretty poor but this one subject covers his special interest so he did uber well.

gettingeasiernow · 01/07/2013 22:46

It's a fine line. It's one thing to encourage your child to do their best, hence praise their successes. Preferably privately, but if not, at least tactfully. It's a totally different thing to view your child's successes as an extension of your own wonderfulness and rub that in the face of other parents just so they know how utterly successful you are too just by association. Puts such pressure on a child to fulfill the parents' dreams. Still, smile and wave.

PeteCampbellsRecedingHairline · 01/07/2013 22:48

Nothing to do with this thread but I've name changed since the Revenge thread but Aiden is all mine.

I would consider a job share.

As you were. Grin

Ghanagirl · 02/07/2013 13:13

I think celebrating your child's achievement is fine, but caution advised, I have twins and girl was doing really well with reading etc in reception and year one but little boy was about 4 or five stages below he's caught up with her and both doing well. But I remember having a conversation with a friend who was also worried about her child when a third friend joined conversation and said my child is a genius he's on level blah blah which was same level as my daughter but then way above my son at the time my friend looked absolutely crushed, just felt totally inappropriate

Emilythornesbff · 02/07/2013 13:18

petecampbell Grin [wave]
amazingmumof6 jack needs blondes

How the hell long do I have to wait for the new series?
[reveals self to be pathetic woman without any RL interests]

Emilythornesbff · 02/07/2013 13:19

Good point ghanagirl

EldritchCleavage · 02/07/2013 13:21

Comparison is shitty. What's wrong with saying 'I'm pleased XX is doing well with his reading' and leaving it at that?

Being pleased your child is 'top' is quite telling, as though the beating of the other kids is far more important to you than whether your child is happy, fulfilled, or living up to his full potential.

jennycoast · 02/07/2013 13:29

I don't mind anyone telling me their child is doing well, because I can be happy for them. I hope they also understand that sometimes I am also very proud of my DDs - though unlikely to be because they're top of the class.

What I do mind though, is the stupid number of people who have said to me recently that they don't understand how their DD, and my DD are friends, because they have nothing in common (make of that what you will!). I think DD at 11 is perfectly able to decide for herself, thanks!

PrincessScrumpy · 02/07/2013 13:37

I only know one mum like this at dd's school - going on about how her dd was on a certain set of words to learn and was very intelligent... I smiled politely and said it's great all the dc are doing so well. (while feeling inwardly proud that dd was ahead of her dd)

Having said that I do worry that people will think this of me. When mums talk about different levels I try to stay quiet as dd trends to be on higher levels. I tend to be vague and say I can't remember.

I think it depends who is saying it - close friend proudly telling me her dd achieved something and I'm happy for her, random mum telling everyone, I try to escape

amazingmumof6 · 02/07/2013 16:06

Ems it's a hardknock life isn't it no Revenge, no Dallas, no Mentalist, no Suits.
don't even mention No Desperate Housewives. ....

newgirl · 02/07/2013 16:21

Had this for years w one parent - zoom forward to y6 and which kid did all the l6 sats? Yep not the one w the boasting parent.

Velvetbee · 02/07/2013 16:23

I gradually withdrew from a friend for this. I looked after her son now and then and she was forever telling me how intelligent, sensitive and utterly marvellous he was. He wasn't, he was a perfectly average 4 year old.
It's overwhelming how wonderful our children are to us but it's not reasonable to bore the pants off other people about it.

OrmirianResurgam · 02/07/2013 16:31

Oh I am well past the comparison thing. I am well aware of my kids virtues and of their failings to care about anyone else's these days. But whilst I appreciate motherly love in general there are times when it gets a little wearing - there's one woman here who had a baby late in life and TBH I do not know how the human race survived until this infant wonder was born. Really, it's a miracle Wink

Original poster
Klingyston · 02/07/2013 17:22

thanks for the replies
her daughter and mine are pretty much the same at English
was very funny at sports day today - the other boasting mother, who thinks her daughter is super sporty, was giving her pep talks and energy sweets - then when she didn't win claime she had a chest infection
boasting mother no. 1 is like that I think because she is only a hairdresser and lives her life through her child

OP posts:
WaitingIsWhatIDo · 02/07/2013 17:23

My son has autism and is bottom of the class for everything. He is also without a doubt the best looking ;-) Just take it with a pinch of salt and wear a harassed, must dash, so busy expression about you at all times!

WaitingIsWhatIDo · 02/07/2013 17:25

Ooh dear, not sure about the ' only a hairdresser' remark.