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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School events during the day

57 replies

gallifrey · 01/07/2013 20:01

My dd's school is terrible for this, every term there is a class assembly that we are all expected to go to. They have a celebration afternoon where we have to go an look at their work. I don't work so I try to go to everything. The one thing I didn't go to my dd remembers to this day!
One time one of my dd's friends burst into tears because her Mum wasn't there :(
Now we have to go to a picnic lunch before sports day, so again there will be lots of children whose parents work that will be feeling left out.
And got a letter today about a celebration afternoon and cream tea that we are invited to.

I have a younger dd who is 2 and quite naughty and on several occasions the letters have said no younger siblings to attend due to H&S!

Honestly I think that school assume that no parents work during the day!

OP posts:
SelfRighteousPrissyPants · 01/07/2013 20:04

But children go to school during the day so that's when events are. And teachers probably want to see their families in the evenings and weekends Hmm

Bunbaker · 01/07/2013 20:07

Sorry, but I agree with SelfRighteous. It goes with the territory I'm afraid.

SantanaLopez · 01/07/2013 20:08

You know the teachers don't live at school?

Lilyloo · 01/07/2013 20:08

I think the words 'have to' are a little unfair. Schools do 'encourage' but they certainly don't make parents attend.
Unfortunately children are at school during the day so it makes sense their activities are planned around that fact.

daftbesom · 01/07/2013 20:10

I know what you mean, OP - fair enough it being during the day but it's a bit off to expect you to find a babysitter for younger siblings too. I work f/t but luckily on flexitime and I try to go to most things - unfortunately sometimes there is an unavoidable clash, in which case I try to mark the occasion in a different way.

PotteringAlong · 01/07/2013 20:11

Ofsted are very keen on community involvement.

Teachers are parents too - we understand not everyone can come, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be done nonetheless.

Caitycat · 01/07/2013 20:12

My dd is still tiny so I have no experience of this but I agree with you. I work in secondary school and we never expect parents to attend events during the day. When I was at primary school there was an end of year service that parents could attend and I think they may have been welcome at sportsday but my dm never went as she was working and I don't remember there being much of a fuss made of any parents that did come - it was more as observers if they wanted to be there.

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 01/07/2013 20:12

Teachers can't go to their children's things either. It does suck a bit but that's the school day.

peteypiranha · 01/07/2013 20:18

We both work full time but we attend everything the school does, including going in weekly to read a story with dd. We know in advance whats on that term, and organise ourselves around it. On top of these drama performances always have 2 showings 1 in the afternoon, and one in the evening.

Original poster
gallifrey · 01/07/2013 20:19

When I was at school my mum couldn't come to anything and it's quite upsetting seeing everyone else's parents and not your own Sad

OP posts:
jamdonut · 01/07/2013 20:20

It helps if you have a friend or other relative go and look out for and make fuss of your kids if you can't be there yourself. Most children understand if you tell them you can't make it yourself,but Auntie xxxxx or Grandma will be there. So long as they know.
The worst thing is children who don't know if someone will be there or not, because then they get anxious,and upset when they realise there isn't anyone there for them.

We usually make a fuss of children who do not have anyone that can come,so that they feel less left out.

Schools do understand that not everyone can make it due to work etc,but some people just can't be bothered to attend school events for their children,and that is just horrible.( Usually the same people who throw their children's pictures and models away straight away, because they "don't want rubbish in their house" Hmm)

McNewPants2013 · 01/07/2013 20:22

I do sympathize with the school, but it doesnt ease the guilt and the tears from DC that yet again me or DH couldn't make it

.

BerthaTheBogCleaner · 01/07/2013 20:23

So do you think that primary schools shouldn't ever have events that parents are invited to, then? Cancel sports days, plays, assemblies, open days ... I think that would be a pity.

There's no other option, is there? Our school does the year 6 play in the evening, and oh boy the moans about keeping children up late, having to go back to school in the evening, having to get babysitters for younger siblings.

icklemssunshine1 · 01/07/2013 20:24

I'm a teacher & have a toddler DD. I have resigned myself to the fact I'll never see her at a sports day/nativity play etc. some colleagues of mine miss their own DC's parents evenings as they have clashed with our PE's. Unfortunately that's life!

DontCallMeBaby · 01/07/2013 20:42

To be fair, that sounds like a LOT of stuff during the school day - better surely to have just the occasional thing, so even working parents have a fighting chance of getting there?

exoticfruits · 01/07/2013 20:45

I am a teacher and so never got to them when I was working.

I really don't know what you expect- schools work 9-3 or thereabouts- that is when they hold events.

kim147 · 01/07/2013 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VashtaNerada · 01/07/2013 20:49

That does sound like a lot of events. Ours does a Christmas assembly and a summer concert so you only need to take off two half-days. When you're using all your annual leave to cover school holidays every day counts!

Pumpkinette · 01/07/2013 20:58

YANBU

DD nursery has just had quite a few different events before breaking up for summer and I couldn't make it to any. The thing is had I been given enough notice (I need a minimum of 1 week) I could have requested annual leave.

Sports day was decided in the Friday it would be the Tuesday. I couldnt go and it was to short notice to get someone else to go. Poor DD was in tears when I left and everyone else had someone staying. Sad The end of term party was fine, told about the party date about 3 weeks in advance. But they only put the notice up 3 days before saying what time parents should arrive! This is my first DD, first experience of nursery so how was I to magically know that parents go to the end of term party? Luckily I got gran to go.

It does feel like the whole education system is set up for parents who don't work. Our nursery doesn't even offer early starts so mornings are a mad dash to get into work on time.

When I was at school plays and stuff were always in the evening. The daytime assembly's was a school only thing with no parents invited.

3birthdaybunnies · 01/07/2013 21:01

We generally have two or three events per term per child when we are invited in, sometimes younger siblings can come. It is generally different days for different classes. This is before any helping in classrooms, school trips, etc. With 3 children it will be about 18 times a year. What we would all appreciate though is more notice, sometimes as little as 10days, impossible if you have appointments and diaries- dh is generally booked a month or more inadvance. It is nice to see them in school though.

VelmaDaceDinkley · 01/07/2013 21:01

This annoys me too. They even have parents evening during the day at my DDs school.

ihearsounds · 01/07/2013 21:03

What do you suggest then op? Not everyone can get AL during term time, so that isn't an option.

DrCoconut · 01/07/2013 21:06

Bertha, I'd welcome evening events. It makes it practical for those who really cannot have time off in the day to go and see their do in the play or whatever. It's not as if it is that late for a year 6. I'm assuming it is 6 or 7 pm not 11!

EndoplasmicReticulum · 01/07/2013 21:07

Lots in the day here. Assemblies, special assemblies, end of project displays, talks on the funny modern way they teach maths, invites to go and help with reading, Sports Day, etc. etc.

There is just no way I can get to most things, although my colleagues are very kind and will cover for me for special stuff like the Nativity. I missed Sports Day last week. I am lucky in that my parents are around, available to attend and my children actually prefer it if Granny comes.

DrCoconut · 01/07/2013 21:08

Do? Another autocorrect/ spelling error. I mean dc!