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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that he should do something in the house?

44 replies

MissBrown · 01/07/2013 17:48

My husband works quite long hours and has to drive a long way to work. However, I also work, usually 2-4 days a week and also have to work at home in the evenings.

We have 3 kids. He expects me to do EVERYTHING! Work, childcare, financial matters, look nice, and support him emotionally because he works so hard! To top it off he walks around making a mess, leaves his socks on the floor, doesn't take plates to the kitchen, pisses on the toilet floor (poor aim!) etc etc, which he expects me to deal with as well.

I wouldn't mind doing everything if he weren't to whinge so bloody much about every frigging move I make. He complains that the house isn't tidy enough, that I don't earn enough, that I don't make an effort with my appearance etc etc!

When he is pissed off with me, he can't just say what the problem is, he has to descend to name calling and exaggerating everything, e.g. 'you never .......' , or 'You earn no money.....' I earn a reasonable salary for what I do.

What do you all think? Should he do something? Even something little like take the recycling out, or pick his stinking socks up off the floor, or wipe his poorly aimed piss off the toilet seat. AIBU??

OP posts:
mixedmamameansbusiness · 01/07/2013 17:51

YANBU

I am waiting for some advice. You are not alone.

LaurieFairyCake · 01/07/2013 17:54

Get angry - who the actual fuck wants to live like an unpaid skivvy.

You are being treated like scum.

You're expected to clean up someone else's piss!!!! Why, because you don't earn enough.?!?

You don't have to put up with it, so don't! Decide its to stop. And the next time you are treated like shit, go out for a coffee.

If he continues to treat you like scum, leave.

You do deserve more.

Get angry.

carolthesecretary · 01/07/2013 17:55

He pisses on the floor and expects you to clean it up?! Sorry, he's treating you like a doormat.

Yes, he should be doing stuff. Putting clothes away/in laundry basket, putting bins out, mowing lawn, washing up, etc.

If you've never had to look after a house you just won't realise how much needs doing and doing repeatedly over and over again. It's especially hard if you live with a lazy tosser. I would stop picking up after him, doing his washing, ironing, cooking, etc. Sounds to me like he needs a short sharp shock.

Fuzzysnout · 01/07/2013 17:59

You don't need to live like that.
You are worth more.

Original poster
MissBrown · 01/07/2013 18:01

Thank you ladies! I think that I should be doing the lion's share because I am at home more than him but it's nice to know I am not alone in wanting him to do something.

I certainly wouldn't call him lazy in terms of his work but he firmly believes it is my job to do all the domestic stuff. I keep telling him that there is a lot to do if you take into account all the stuff he wants me to do, but he just answers, 'well, other people seem to be able to do it!'

If he carries on tonight I am going to get angry.

By the way Carolthesecretary, I DO NOT iron (unless absolutely necessary!)

OP posts:
GetStuffezd · 01/07/2013 18:02

His slobbish behaviour is a deliberate message to you that you are being punished for "not earning enough" "not making an effort with yor appearance" etc. He sounds horrible. Is he ever nice?

Earthworms · 01/07/2013 18:03

Other people do not do it solo, they SHARE

He's a Git

YouStayClassySanDiego · 01/07/2013 18:03

He is a twat and treating you appallingly. Shock.

Name calling too, what a wanker, just stop doing any clearing up after him and challenge him on his shite attitude towards you.

If you can't stand the mess collect it all in a laundry basket and leave it until he runs out of his stuff, that includes laundry, crockery and anything else he needs.

GetStuffezd · 01/07/2013 18:04

Fair rough if you're home more, then I can see why you'd arrange it so you did a bit more of the domestic stuff, but deliberately leaving filthy socks and making you clean his pis FFS? It tells me a lot about what he sees your role as.

Original poster
MissBrown · 01/07/2013 18:04

The problem for him is that I have a horse. I hardly ever get to ride the bloody thing and she lives out so requires relatively little work at this time of year. I also sub-let my field so the actual cost is really quite low. Yet he keeps talking about how he has to pay for my lifestyle!

Fair enough if I didn't work, had a housekeeper and spent my days riding my horse and getting my hair and nails done. Lifestyle my arse!!

OP posts:
Squitten · 01/07/2013 18:05

So, he does nothing at home, expects you to even clean up his urine, demands that you look nice to please him, calls you names and belittles you and your role in the family.

Why on EARTH are you living with a pig like that?!

GetStuffezd · 01/07/2013 18:05

Fair enough, obviously.

RandomMess · 01/07/2013 18:05

What hobbies does he have and what do they cost...

CaptainSweatPants · 01/07/2013 18:06

Do you really want to live with a man who doesn't like what you look like & pisses on the floor ( is he 8?!)

As you're doing everything on your own anyway you may as well be a single parent

Original poster
MissBrown · 01/07/2013 18:06

Getstuffezd, he is actually lovely most of the time but when he has a tantrum he is horrible.

OP posts:
PolterGoose · 01/07/2013 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MissBrown · 01/07/2013 18:08

He surfs which tbh costs very little now he has his gear. Just fuel money.
Oh, hang on, let's not forget beer. Can you class that as a hobby? 4 cans approx 5 nights a week.

OP posts:
verytellytubby · 01/07/2013 18:10

He sounds like a prick. Pissing on the floor!

YouStayClassySanDiego · 01/07/2013 18:10

It doesn't matter whether he has hobbies or not.

From your description he treats you terribly, 'when he has a tantrum he's horrible', is he your fourth child?

Squitten · 01/07/2013 18:11

OP, don't you see that this is WAY worse than arguments about hobbies...?

Original poster
MissBrown · 01/07/2013 18:11

I am with him for myself and our daughter. She idolises him and they do an awful lot together. He is a great dad to her in terms of spending time but he can be such a miserable git when he wants to be.

We have shared dreams for our future but I can't really see a future when he is like this. Bastard.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 01/07/2013 18:12

I started a thread earlier in the year on Relationships on how I ended up - eventually - feeling relieved that my ExH had left (it was for OW), because frankly he was not a nice man but I couldn't just see it at the time.

This sounds like my ExH to some degree. The jibes, the put-downs, the 'Well, other people manage' comments. Other people manage because their husbands put in a bit of bloody effort at home, both practically and emotionally, and don't make their wives jumpy.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 01/07/2013 18:13

Did you mean to say 3 children in your OP?

Original poster
MissBrown · 01/07/2013 18:14

Just to clarify, he is never violent and I never feel threatened by him. I can give as good as I get but don't like to argue if the kids are around. Clearly they sense it when we have fallen out however and I am worried about the effect that this will have on them and how they will grow up seeing their roles within relationships (1 boy and 2 girls).

OP posts:
Original poster
MissBrown · 01/07/2013 18:15

Yes, I have 3 children, he has 1, the youngest.

OP posts: