AIBU to feel pissed of to come home to find that my MIL has cleaned my house?

[MissTweed]

My MIL and I have had the usual kind of relationship over the years, she thinks the sun shines out of her sons arse and I'm not good enough for him. She came to visit yesterday/today and whilst I was at work she cleaned my house. (She has a history of making snidely remarks about cleanliness/cooking etc etc. my DH thinks that I am totally overreacting but I see it as another dig. What are your thoughts?

I can see why it would upset you, but on the other hand... I hate cleaning

My mum does odd bits of cleaning to help out when she visits. I don't mind one bit. My MIL does the same thing, I get very territorial and take it as a slight against my domestic skills (or the lack thereof). Meh. Can't help but feel slightly sorry for MIL now I look at it like that.

While I get your point and she probably is trying to undermine you, I would still say lap it up! If only all undermining behaviour had such positive results. Send her round to undermine me!

I think, for me, it would depend what she had done. A bit of vacuuming or dusting wouldn't worry me but jfk she had decided to go through cupboards & drawers I would not be amused.

Just leave her to it. My MIL goes in our room & makes our bed when she stays. It's weird but I don't care.

My MIL does things like this. I used to take offence at this, but not anymore.

I don't think she is looking down on me, she knows I have 3 DC, a full time job and a DH who was never made to pull his weight with the housework as a child which she has admitted to me I'd him no favours in the long run.

She needs to feel useful and this makes her feel that. She Los helps wit turning up DH's trousers, turning up arms/ legs on karate suits, looking after DC3 one day a week and pitching in with sick children.

Also, she thinks I am too good for her son and has never understood why I married him so I think she is making sure I want to stay married to him!

To add to the story..... I am 6 months pregnant and came home from work yesterday with really swollen ankles. (My DH had the day off to spend with his mum) my DH told me to sit down and put my feet up and he would cook dinner but my MIL insisted that I should cook her a meal as every time she has visited my DH has done it. (She has only visited us a handful of times in 10 years. Also I cook every day and its the on,y time my DH does it! The meal she wanted is also a meal that take flipping ages to prepare and cook!! My DH gave me a hand but I was on my feet (and painful swollen ankles) for a couple of hours preparing her meal!! My house is tidy (especially as she was visiting!!) so its not as if I live in a pigsty!! She makes snidely comments all the time but my DH doesn't seems to notice them!! (She does the same to my SIL)

I'd hate it.

XP's Mum used to arrive, march up the stairs, empty the laundry basket and put the washing on.

One of the many reasons we are no longer together. Pair of freaks...

Why did you cook for her? Stand up for yourself more (or in this case, lie down on the sofa and refuse to move)

Tilly do we share a MIL?!

I would not have got up and cooked that meal. Let her react to it as she will. It might be uncomfortable, but things only get more uncomfortable when someone realises they can control you just by snapping their fingers, or making you feel a bit insecure/guilty.

Sorry about the ankles , hope you get a chance to rest!

I'd LOVE it if my MIL cleaned my house, can I borrow yours? I'm rubbish at cleaning and try to avoid it wherever possible so if someone else more qualified in the cleaning department wants to do it that's perfectly fine by me. Tell her you're inviting her over more often to clean as it's cheaper than paying a cleaner!

Er, why the hell didn't you tell her to fuck the fuck off and point her towards the toaster and a sliced pan. Cheeky cow!

In response to some comments.... I am not lazy, I do not live in a pigsty and I do not sit on my arse all day!! I work bloody hard, something's 6/7 days a week so yes my house is not spotless, but it is tidy!!

Ah. Now we get to the nub of it. It clearly was intended to wind you up then.

That was your DH's opportunity to stop her cleaning and also not to let his mother insist on you cooking. Special requests? Insisting that the meal can be cooked by you and only you? She's there for a visit not an inspection. Your DH should have told we to jog on.

DH had the day off and you were at work?

Pregnancy or no pregnancy, totally reasonable that he should cook!

Why didn't he tell her "no"?

Your MIL insisted? And you agreed to cook? Why the hell didn't your DH jump straight in with 'Oh no, Mum- I've been off all day andy pregnant wife needs to put her feet up. Of course I'll be cooking!'

The cleaning is the least of your problems. She should not be insisting on anything in your house- unless it's to pay for a take away to save you cooking.

Oh dear, why didn't you just say no, it's DH's turn to cook tonight. Why the heck didn't he say no?

If she is only visiting a handful of times in 10 years,that's what...once every 2 years?I'd handle that.Although next time,I'd specifically ask her to do some stuff 'oh MIl,if you're in the mood for cleaning,can you deep clean the oven,maybe defrost the freezer for me before you tackle any other jobs?Thanks a million,you're a poppet' ...all said with a very sweet smile.

I would let her clean to her hearts content tbh- but id lock away any personal documents or letters

No I don't think YABU - with her history I'd be insulted too.

It took me ages to come round to the fact that my MIL brought food for practically every day she and FIL came up to visit, and offered to cook most meals. DH explained it's the only way she feels like she's not freeloading, and I'm now (rightly) incredibly grateful. But it's not because she disapproves of my food - if that was the case then like you I think I'd be very angry!

I have this with my MIL. I never cook anything that they don't like despite the ever changing list but when they come to us, particularly during the week, they get what they're given. How bloody rude. And it's your DH that needs a kick up the arse, not so much your MIL.

By the way, the best way to get her to stop is to start leaving lists and picking out bits she has missed and ask her to do them again properly

Why on earth did you jump up and cook to order? Do you run a restaurant?

Be more direct.

If she has cleaned the house while you are a)out working and b)pregnant take this at face value and thank her.

If she then demands that you cook and makes comments about DH cooking, say 'sorry, I've done my shift at work today - DH is on duty tonight. Come on WhateverDay when the Head Chef - aka me - is in charge and I'd be delighted to cook this and that for you. Now, I must soak my swollen ankles in the bath, see you shortly'.

And your DH wnats a good pull through with a Christmas Tree - for letting his Mum do the cleaning instead of pitching in himslef and then for allowing you to do the cooking when he has had a day off and you have been at work and are pg. Shame on him!

If she ever makes the dig about DH cooking all the time, just look at her in surprise and say:

'Why yes, you're right, he does always cook when you're here. You really MUST come more often then, as it's the only time he actually ever does! He really does need to be encouraged to do a bit more, doesn't he!'