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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to smack my child??

29 replies

KenyanSunrise · 27/06/2013 22:11

I am so angry and fruatrated.

I do not believe in smacking, I do not like seeing children get smacked and it makes me feel unconfortable.

My ds is only little so I don't pretend to have all the answers when it comes to disciplining but I do know that I as a parent do not want to smack my little boy.

This topic has come up a few times since my ds has been born and I have always stuck by my view when challenged on it.

Today is the final straw.

I was having a conversation with my sil about a family event that will taking place soon. It will require my ds to sit down for the best part of 2 hours without running around. My ds is 14 months old.

I said that i will take toys and a snack/drink for him but that if he started to cry I would take him out as I didnt want to disturb the other families that will be there.

I was once again for the hundrenth time told that, 'I need to think about starting to smack ds as if I don't he will always get the better of me'.

I am sick of repeating myself. I know I am a first time mum and I have a lot to learn but surely, with a subject as emotive as smacking and disciplining I should not have to keep justifying my choices.

I do not tell her how to raise her children, I wouldn't dream of it. So why does she feel the need to keep on at me?

Thanks if you've read this far, I know it's long winded for what is I guess a few short questions.

AIBU to think a 14 month old baby can be disciplined without resorting to smacking?

AIBU to think that even if you are a parent that agrees with smacking, what can a 14 month old actually do to 'deserve' one?

And finally AIBU to just want to be left alone with my parenting choices as they are not harming or effecting anyone else?

I guess I am so fruatrated because if it was coming from my own side of the family I could just explain how i feel a little more robustly, where as as its my sil I feel like I have to be slightly more reserved :(

I really just want to know if I am being too pfb I guess as well.

OP posts:
Emilythornesbff · 27/06/2013 22:15

YANBU
That is all. Smile

PrettyKitty1986 · 27/06/2013 22:16

She is bu for making such a ridiculous comment during your conversation.

You are bu for getting all 'angry and frustrated' over it. Parent how you want. It's a bit of a non-issue IMO.

Lweji · 27/06/2013 22:17

No, :)

Off to read the OP...

KittyRogue · 27/06/2013 22:17

You are not being pfb. Smacking is never an option and especially not for a child that young. They will not learn from it and at that age are not doing things to be naughty but to learn and test boundries.

X

Lawabidingmama · 27/06/2013 22:17

Seriously?? You must know you are not being u! I am very against smacking and tbh think anyone who smacks a 14 month old is disgusting, children of this age cannot be expected to conform to certain behaviours they have no impulse control.

MalcolmTuckersMum · 27/06/2013 22:18

Exactly what Pretty said.

YoniBottsBumgina · 27/06/2013 22:18

YANBU.

What is your partner's view on it? Is he with his family or you? If he's with you then he should be telling them to leave it, as they are his family. If he's with them then that might be why you're feeling angry and frustrated if you're feeling you have to persuade him too, since he's responsible for 50% of your DS' discipline and it will come up at some point!

CrapsWithBears · 27/06/2013 22:20

YANBU, at all. Your son, your choice.

candyandyoga · 27/06/2013 22:21

Yanbu! Her view is ridiculous. Smacking is an awful way to parent.

runes · 27/06/2013 22:22

Yanbu. I don't believe in smacking either. Ds1 is now 2.5 and we've started to use the naughty step which seems to be working so far. At 14 months I would have planned the same as you, toys/snacks and take outside if necessary. You sound sensible, it is not pfb to not want to physically assault your baby, do not let them undermine your confidence.

mamapants · 27/06/2013 22:22

She sounds crazy. Imagine disciplining a 14mth old for not staying still for 2hrs insanity.
I'm assuming most people who are ok with smacking would reserve it for 'big' things like willfully breaking something or running in the road or something.
I do not agree with smacking either and would find someone telling me to parent differently on a regular basis annoying too.

runningonwillpower · 27/06/2013 22:23

OP, you sound very reasonable. And don't be swayed by other people's child rearing nonsense.

Smacking policies that anticipate naughtiness/normal toddler behaviour? Stick firmly to the choices that are right for you.

Signet2012 · 27/06/2013 22:23

Tell her to piss off.

I've had several conversations like this. Dp is in the "it never did me any harm" camp. He knows fine well the day he raises his hand to dd is the day his bags get packed. His call.

I was hit. It did do me harm and until someone can give me a logical explanation as to why assaulting your child works as discipline I will kill anybody who tries to hit dd.

Stand your ground and tell her to shut up and fuck off.

RFLmum · 27/06/2013 22:24

Getting shouty and smacking is pointless at any age. At 14 months it is utterly ridiculous IMO

Original poster
KenyanSunrise · 27/06/2013 22:26

Thank you everyone, thankfully my partner is with me. In the beginning he wasn't totally against smacking older children but when I asked him if he would hit me for doing something he didnt agree with, he understood my reasoning and now supports me 100%.
I think I will just be have to be more confident it my answers and stop myself from feeling that I have to justify myself to others.

I wasn't angry or frustrated the first time I was told I should smack, I'm getting frustrated now because I'm sick of repeating myself I guess.

OP posts:
pointythings · 27/06/2013 22:28

YANBU, smacking is unnecessary and for a 14mo it is child abuse pure and simple.

gallicgirl · 27/06/2013 22:28

The only thing smacking teaches a child is that it's ok to resort to violence to get what you want. You wouldn't smack an adult to get their compliance, so why would it be acceptable to smack a child? Utter madness.

magimedi · 27/06/2013 22:30

YANBU

But how you are going to get a 14 month old to sit quietly for hours.............???????????????????

gallicgirl · 27/06/2013 22:31

Perhaps your relatives would get the message if you smacked them after explaining?

Wink
runningonwillpower · 27/06/2013 22:32

You don't have to justify yourself.

But if you do feel you have to respond it's, 'there has to be a better way than violence'.

How can anyone argue against that?

Original poster
KenyanSunrise · 27/06/2013 22:40

Magimedi, I'm not planning to in all honesty, we will go and for as long as he sits and plays with his toys we will stay. When he gets fed up we will leave. I am not going to attempt to force him to sit still for that long. It's not fair on him, us or the other people we would disturb in the process.

Thanks everyone, I have no intention of changing my view, I'd never forgive myself. I gueas I just needed to vent, and it is nice knowing I'm not alone in my opinion. X

OP posts:
SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 27/06/2013 22:48

You're not alone. How can anyone in their right mind talk about smacking a 14mth old Sad

Horrible.

FacebookAnonymous · 27/06/2013 22:48

YANBU. There are plenty of us who have managed to raise great, well behaved kids without resorting to hitting them. Parents who hit small children are bullies.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 27/06/2013 22:53

I would also never expect a 14 mth old to sit still & quiet for 2hrs.

Whatever it is (I presume a wedding?) you and your dh can just agree that one of you takes your dc out when they he gets too restless. It's perfectly normal and acceptable.

Just stick to your guns - "Smacking children is assault. Pure and simple. Just as hitting another adult is."

Some people are twats.

ArtemisKelda · 27/06/2013 22:54

YANBU, I have smacked just once when DS was a toddler and I'd got to the end of my tether. DS is now nearly 7. I would never do it again, I was ashamed of myself for losing it.

Stick to your guns, you're totally right. Smacking teaches that violence and threats are acceptable.

I have a feeling this will be unanimous.

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