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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want her to stop asking (and I have already asked her!)

64 replies

Souredstones · 27/06/2013 13:01

Colleague of mine has, just now, asked me for the umpteenth time when I will be announcing a new arrival. I'm not pregnant and struggling with ttc and its driving me mad.

Her justification is that I am a newly wed and its expected of me now to have another baby (desperately want one)

She's making me really angry now with her constant asking

All strategies welcome (as long as stabbing her with a pen isn't one...I'm considering that one now)

OP posts:

TanglednotTamed · 27/06/2013 13:07

Is she overweight at all? Could you turn the tables by saying 'Why? Oh! You're pregnant, aren't you! Everyone's been wondering...Congratulations!'

Pretend to think she's lying when she says no, and keep on mentioning it: 'Oh, I know you're waiting for the scan, but your waist is really thickening, so it's quite hard to ignore', 'You're looking so peaky, is the sickness really bad?' 'Do you want me to get a cover-up stick while I'm at the shops? Pregnancy spots are awful, aren't they?' That sort of thing.

Hopefully she'll just get the message and shut up, but if she gets annoyed with you, tell her you'll stop if she does.

needasilverlining · 27/06/2013 13:08

I told my version of this person that I'd love a second child but had just had my second mc in three months and it was a painful subject (this was true).

Never asked again. Worth a try? Is a public service to make people like that think before they open their mouths.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 27/06/2013 13:12

Have you been very blunt?

I am getting very annoyed by you now. I have asked you to stop asking me about my reproductive plans, they are none of your business. If you ask me again, I will make a formal complaint to HR.

Carolra · 27/06/2013 13:14

I think I'd go with needsasilverlining and just be honest. We're ttc number 2 at the moment as well, when people ask I just tell them that we've been trying for a while and its not happening, talking about it makes me sad, so I'll tell them once there is something to tell. No one has ever asked again (well, except my mum, who I am pretty sure is keeping a note of my cycle in her diary, but that's another story!)

Good luck with the baby making xx

NatashaBee · 27/06/2013 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EldritchCleavage · 27/06/2013 14:06

What Hecsy said. If you give any details of what is happening with ttc you make it seem legitimate for her to ask you about it. And it's not ok. It is absolutely not her business to ask. And bugger what the 'expectations' of others are. Weird woman.

TalkativeJim · 27/06/2013 14:17

'Right, I've asked you to stop asking me this, that hasn't worked, so now I'm going to ask you to sit quietly for five minutes and make a list of all the reasons why asking that question over and over again isn't just ignorant, but utterly inappropriate and quite possibly extremely insensitive and hurtful.'

MorganMummy · 27/06/2013 14:29

Agree totally with hecsy. I used to be far too poilte and just vaguely white-lie when people asked me. I fantasise about telling people the gory details to shut them up, but why should you have to share that just to make them go away?

Tell her it's a inappropriate question for the workplace, end of. These rude people get away with so much because we are too polite to them.

TheCatIsUpTheDuff · 27/06/2013 15:36

It is none of her business, and you are perfectly within reason to tell her so. But in practical terms, I found that the intrusive questions (similarly, mostly from a colleague) stopped when people knew what was going on. I told them yes, it's next on the list, we don't know how long it will take, and we won't be telling anyone until we've had a scan that confirms everything's ok so far, but after that you'll know as soon as there's anything to know.

lurcherlover · 27/06/2013 15:43

"How about you tell me all about the last time you had unprotected sex, and then I'll tell you."

Shut my nosy colleague right up...

fryingpantoface · 27/06/2013 15:46

When we were getting questioned I went with

"Well, we had sex this morning so.... fingers crossed!"

I wasn't asked again by that person

kitbit · 27/06/2013 17:33

'As soon as I can get rid of these piles, they need shoving back in, are you free for a couple of minutes?? Bring a pencil...'

HerrenaHarridan · 27/06/2013 17:38

Printout this thread and stick it on her desk

needasilverlining · 28/06/2013 06:36

And yes, definitely good luck and hope this is a problem that goes away v soon!

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning · 28/06/2013 06:41

Pmsl love then when did you dtd and this is when I did

wharrgarbl · 28/06/2013 06:41

The number of people demonstrating they were apparently raised by wolves never ceases to amaze me. Expected of you? What bullshit is this? She's incrideibly rude, it's absolutely none of her business, and I'd make a selection, or even use a few, of the ruder responses on this thread for her. I quite like the piles one. As she's being so rude, there's no real onus on you to remain totally polite in the face of it.

quesadilla · 28/06/2013 06:43

I loathe this and I think people who do it are incredibly bad-mannered. There are so many potential reasons why asking someone a fertility-related question could be a minefield, what part of that do people not understand?

I would just take her aside and say firmly that you know she is trying to be nice but you have already asked her not to and the next time she asks you this question you will walk out or publicly stonewall her do please don't do it again.

Then I think if she still doesn't get it go down the HR route.

MalcolmTuckersMum · 28/06/2013 08:30

'As soon as I can get rid of these piles, they need shoving back in, are you free for a couple of minutes?? Bring a pencil...'

Brilliant

weisswusrt · 28/06/2013 08:34

Could you say that work mates are pretty low on the list for being told, and as you don't want to lie to her, could she please stop fishing for info and hints.

Purple2012 · 28/06/2013 08:37

I get it too. Unfortunately I will never have a child of my own. It drives me mad when people keep asking. I don't want to tell them why we can't so just try and joke about it. Im too old, DH too old etc. Some people just keep on though.

ChasedByBees · 28/06/2013 08:48

What hecsy said. There's no need to take her into your confidence or make excuses. She is crossing a line and needs to be told - firmly - to back off.

KatyTheCleaningLady · 28/06/2013 09:33

I think asking once isn't so terrible. But I think you should say that it upsets you as you are ttc, and then tell her to please stop. She likely doesn't realise and would feel bad if she knew.

If that doesn't work, slap her. Hard.

CloudsAndTrees · 28/06/2013 09:38

Your colleague sounds horrible.

I agree you need to be blunt with her. It's the only way to deal with someone who is rude.

GrumpyRedhead · 28/06/2013 10:13

AntoinetteCosway · 28/06/2013 10:14

How about an eye roll and 'why are you so interested in my sex life-are you lonely?' Honestly, some people are so rude they deserve a bit of a passive aggressive slap.

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