AIBU to be upset by comments about how badly I have aged?

[havingamadmoment]

We have been packing ready to move house and DH found abd album of photos of us when we were younger (between 18-21). We are 30 now.
He showed MIL and SIL on different occassions and both have commented on how terribly I have aged in the last 10 years , MIL for example saying "oh my god havingamadmoment thats awful" amongst other comments.

Now I love MIL we get on really well which makes it that much worse because I actually care what she says. DH cant understand why I am upset he just looks like this and says well it was 10 years ago and you have had 5 children in that time. But really this sort of comment is upsetting isnt it?I am not just being precious?

If i had 5 kids i would look about 100.

Yes, it is bloody upsetting and some people really really should think about what they say. You're not being precious at all. But your DH's confusion is clearly because he thinks you still look pretty great regardless - just hang on to that, and try to ignore tactless MIL.

Someone I know tells me how tired I look every single time I see her. We both know it's code for "you look like a sack of shit". One of these days I will punch her.

beeny - I didnt think I looked too bad before this - if you ignore the constant slightly crazy expression I wear and the fact I am normally covered in snot trails and chocolate. My eldest is 8 so the downward spiral must have started there.

It's upsetting but its reality unfortunately.

I've got 5 DC who have all aged me. I hate it, and kid myself I'm alright, but if I look objectively at photos then yes I have.

The real thing is do they care you've aged. Doubt it.

How awfully rude! Whether you have aged well or not is not something you need a commentary on!

I would be cross to put it mildly op. Try and reciprocate by digging out an old photo of them and commenting on how terribly grey/fat/old/haggard etc they now look in comparison!

I think people are missing the point. It is RUDE to comment negatively on someone's appearance.

If you can't think of anything nice to say then don't say anything.

Who would say that though, even if they privately thought it?

I don't think its rude within family, not if you're close anyway.

Tig - to be honest I have never even thought about it before I dont hate how I look although now I keep looking in the mirror trying to rearrange my hair or something.

I don't think it is ever appropriate to say something insulting about another person, however close you are.

Its one of those things, you just have to get used to. You have to remind yourself that you looked the same as before they commented and its probably just the stark comparison rather than something noticeable on a day to day basis.

About 2 years ago I though my mum had appeared in my bedroom wearing a wig, but no, I had just aged, that was a shocker! Had a complete meltdown. But now I'm very much of the 'fuck it' attitude. I look older because I am older.

YANBU to feel upset but don't let it bother you too much, just wait until your knees go, then you'll have something to about.

YANBU that's just rude and I am sending you because that helps I find.
But on a different note, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH GETTING OLD. See, it's 'getting' old, you've acquired something. Wisdom, self knowledge, the right to your own opinions hard won through experience.
And the right to say f**k what anybody else thinks.
I repeat, there's nothing wrong with getting old.
It's just that blokes get called 'distinguished' and women just get called 'old'. It's all bollocks really.

I would be absolutely furious, but I would also try and take it as a challenge and start pampering myself. Something every day. I try and do this myself when I feel things starting to slide. Wax my legs one day, dye my lashes the next, do a manicure the next day, pedicure the next, put on a face mask, special relaxing bath with aromatherapy oils, foot spa, something small every day. I'm sure you will get back to more or less how you were. It's probably just that you don't have as much grooming time.

Whatever happened to the concept of "if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything"?

It's rude to make negative comments on someone's appearance.

You're not being unreasonable to be upset at those comments. You WBU to be upset about ageing in general, but I don't read your post as saying that.

YANBU to be upset, no-one likes to be told that they have aged badly. It is at best tactless to remark on it.

Don`t let it get you down too much though. The big difference between 18/20 and 30 is maturity - in the last ten years you have crossed from adolescence to fully-fledged adulthood.

Adulthood means responsibilities, and with 5 children you certainly have plenty of those! The constant demands of young children are exhausting, so of course you aren`t going to be as fresh-faced as you were as a carefree 18 year old. At 18 you were still a blank canvas.

Now, at 30, the way you look reflects your life, your face shows character. And if that means a few lines or kilos that werent there before, its the price to pay for having 5 children in a short time. But I am sure you would much rather look as you do now than not have your kids!

Also, follow LifeofPo`s advice!

Ummm... Frutilla... Get where you're coming from, but I think your advice might be a little bit too time consuming to follow for a mum of five children under the age of nine?

They were rude, no doubt about it.

Were they specifically talking about how you'd aged, or making a comment more based on your general appearance.

Extremely rude - but maybe they were quite enjoying the fact that you don't look 19 anymore? (And why on earth should you.) Do they primp and upkeep themselves a lot?

who, It sounded like they were talking about how I had aged rather than saying I look awful in general.

Cozie - they dont spend a lot of time on their own appearance, there is a big age gap between DH and his brothers and sister DH is 30, SIL is 50 and MIL is in her 70s. Perhaps they are just commenting that we are not the babies of the family any more .

That is really cheeky of them. I bet they are no oil paintings themselves!

Aw having don't let it get you down. To be honest the difference between a 19/20 year old with no children and a 30 year old with 5 children is going to be a lot more obvious on photos that the difference between your MIL at 60 and then at 70. You've gone into a totally different stage of life in a relatively short space of time. Dare I say you've probably grown up quite a bit.

30 is not old. Please don't let it get you down, but it might be nice to treat yourself to a good haircut or new makeup if it would make you feel a little better?

I'm 30 and have just had my first DC. Photos of DH and I from ten years ago are shockingly different, and we don't have the excuse if 5 children in that time!

Hmmm reading that back I meant to write 'we don't have the excuse of 5 children...'
But actually it's not an excuse it's a reason...
DH and I don't have as good a reason for ageing so much (except that we were you g free uni students ten years ago and now we are married, have bought and sold houses, both in ft employment ... Etc.) now we are grown ups, we weren't ten years ago.