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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset by comments about how badly I have aged?

51 replies

havingamadmoment · 26/06/2013 21:48

We have been packing ready to move house and DH found abd album of photos of us when we were younger (between 18-21). We are 30 now.
He showed MIL and SIL on different occassions and both have commented on how terribly I have aged in the last 10 years , MIL for example saying "oh my god havingamadmoment thats awful" amongst other comments.

Now I love MIL we get on really well which makes it that much worse because I actually care what she says. DH cant understand why I am upset he just looks like this Confused and says well it was 10 years ago and you have had 5 children in that time. But really this sort of comment is upsetting isnt it?I am not just being precious?

OP posts:
Latara · 27/06/2013 10:35

Having you are only 30 so you are still young anyway.

Maybe your MIL is envious of your young age and subconsciously tries to make you feel bad.

Don't feel bad; you have not just 1 but 5 children to be proud of (i'm nearly 37 and don't have any!) also you have a DH.

Just think you aren't even near middle aged yet so enjoy being young and having a lovely family.

valiumredhead · 27/06/2013 10:37

Well there is a massive difference in most people from 20 to 30 and then again from 30 -40. It's a whole ten years, very very few people will not age at all especially those with five children. I had one and I look fucked!

Cravingdairy · 27/06/2013 10:37

People telling OP to work on her appearance - really not the point! Her ILs were rude and she was justifiably upset. If OP wanted beauty tips she would no doubt say so.

Beechview · 27/06/2013 10:43

Its a hurtful comment because unlike 'you've gained weight', what the heck can you do about looking older?!

I get that comment but when I was 32, people were shocked when they found out as they assumed I was in my early 20's. Now after 3 kids, I have aged but just look my age.
Maybe they meant something similar? You probably have aged but that doesn't mean you look old!

valiumredhead · 27/06/2013 10:46

I agree, it's very rude and uncalled for to point it out.

Cherriesarelovely · 27/06/2013 10:48

Frankly Op you sound bloody amazing!! Annoying though.....those comments would upset me too. I think they would upset anyone.

melika · 27/06/2013 10:54

YANBU to feel upset, but why did they think it was ok to point it out. Now is the time maybe to play on it, say have a spa day with pals, have a facial, manicure, pedicure and back massage, make them pay. You will fell better for having a day off from everything and they may keep their stupid mouths shut.

You are only 30 and you have had a lot on you plate, time to turn the corner and think about having time to yourself every now and again.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 27/06/2013 10:57

That is incredibly rude! They need to learn some manners

I know I haven't aged well, but I think I wear my life experiences on my face I won't even mention the state of my body

I still think I'd batter someone if they told me that though!

thebody · 27/06/2013 11:02

I think it's rude and hurtful op. however I would kill to be 30 again😂

You know what you should do?

Book a spa day, do it on the credit card if you need to and have a bloody day to yourself, after 5 kids you deserve it.

Ring up mil and tell dh you agree, you are looking tired and need a break so give them the spa date and bloody go, let them have the kids for the day.

If you do a Sunday/ Monday it's cheap rate at some.

I had one recently and it cost just under £100 for the day, lunch, dinner and one treatment and obv the spa indoor/ outdoor.

You need a break. Fuck them.

Timetoask · 27/06/2013 11:07

My mother had 5 children and looked beautiful all her life! (I certainly didn't inherit her looks! grrr)
Have you put on a lot of weight? I have noticed that women here in the UK let themselves go once they have babies. Sorry, but that's the truth.

Ashoething · 27/06/2013 11:08

I think your mil was incredibly rude and you are owed an apology. My mil makes little put downs too. She will offer me clothes that she no longer wears-she is at least a size 20 if not bigger and I am a size 16!

thebody · 27/06/2013 11:11

Slight generalisation time. Speak for yourself dearie.

I am UK and of course some put on weight but have seen many many fat continentals, Americans.

Strangely lots of fat men too.

TimeofChange · 27/06/2013 11:21

OP: There were being really bad mannered.

Maybe they should have commented on how youthful you looked in the younger photos.

Enjoy your family and don't let it worry you

I'm 60 now and it is interesting watching different people age through the years.
Some people in their 30s look older but when they get to 50 look younger.

EleanorFarjeon · 27/06/2013 11:34

I feel each baby put 5 years on my face and I've only got 2!! Once they slept all night every night, I stopped looking haggard. (Not assuming you look haggard, OP)

I hate it when people say exactly what they're thinking. It's very rude.

sparkle12mar08 · 27/06/2013 11:37

"Did you mean to be so rude?"

and

"You're no peach yourself!"

HTH!

lottieandmia · 27/06/2013 11:39

Your family should not have said that to you - how hurtful of them. You didn't need to hear that did you?!

Tbh, it is very easy to forget to have you time once you have two or more children. I have three and feeling how busy end of term is at the moment. It is important to try to find some time just for you though. You could have a facial to cheer yourself up Smile.

bobbywash · 27/06/2013 11:50

Actually whilst it is tactless to indicate you haven't aged well, I don't get that from the comment in the opening post.

The only comment that would raise any hackles for me is literally "you haven't aged well" if that's not been said, then I wouldn't read anything into it. Also my opinion is that between 18 and 35 is when people age the most in adult terms, you may well stay looking the way you are for the next 20 years whilst your MIL will undoubtedly shrink, go stooped and grey, oh how you'll laugh looking back at photos with her.

I of course have aged remarkably well, my knees, shoulders, arms back and ankles ache every day. I squint into the mirror and hold things at arms length to read the small print, all this tells me how well I've aged.

SparkyTGD · 27/06/2013 11:55

They were rude.

cozietoesie · 27/06/2013 11:59

Think of yourself like a piece of seriously good antique furniture, OP. (Jacobean oak, say.) Take it into a good dealer and they'll be shrieking in rapture if they spot modest scars, modest mange and not-too-bad- splotchy colouring. Before they get out their chequebook.

Something Oh-So-Pretty from 2013 is going to be worth £10 in five years.

Grin
lottieandmia · 27/06/2013 12:05

Unless I'm mistaken all people age, whether they have 5 kids or none?

Original poster
havingamadmoment · 27/06/2013 12:07

Thanks everyone. I have recovered a bit now:).
I am the same weight/clothes size I was back then the main thing that has changed is that my face has changed shape (not really much I can do about that though) and I wear glasses now, I had contact lenses back then but my eye sight is VERY bad an I can no longer get contact lenses suitable.

Embarrassingly I only just had a weekend away with DH which included spa etc so I must be beyond the help relaxation can give Grin. I do think I look better when I am going to work rather than in the house but SIL especially doesnt see me then so I am consoling myself with that thought.

I dont feel old or upset at turning 30 at all I dont really care, my mum died at 40 so I dont see the point in feeling sad about getting old when the alternative is that!

OP posts:
Dackyduddles · 27/06/2013 12:11

Poor u. Do they just mean that

a) you could dress a bit tidier/cut or brush your hair type? B)Lordy you're porky now?

Or

c) blimey your face looks like an old leather bag now!

That will entirely alter my answer tbh

kerstina · 27/06/2013 12:14

You have the right attitude Smile
I was just going to say teenagers have lots of time on their hands to preen their way to beauty but moms with 5 kids probably don't have the luxury. When people say the children have aged me what do they mean? Are they mainly referring to lack of sleep,giving birth or the stress generally?

forehead · 27/06/2013 12:15

My mil is really rude. I had just had dd and was feeling really frumpy.
MIL- 'Forehead, you are sooooo big now, you were so slim on your
wedding day'
The irony of this statement was that on my wedding day she told me that
i was too skinny and looked like a concentration camp victim.
OP. i am not suggesting that your mil wanted to upset you, but she was rude and at the very least , tactless.

LookingForwardToMarch · 27/06/2013 12:22

Don't let it get you down.

My friend passed away in November at the age of 32

If I am actually LUCKY enough to start collecting wrinkles I shall wear them proudly and be grateful Grin