To wonder what on earth to do about this

[monkeymamma]

I failed my driving test this morning, 3rd time. The first two times were nearly 15 years ago when I was just a teenager. Now I'm, erm, not :-)

The test went, really, really badly and has left me wondering how on earth I'm ever going to pass this fucking thing. I've been having lessons for two years now (I probably had around a years worth of lessons - perhaps slightly less actually - back when I was a teenager, too) and practising as much as I can given that I have a 1 year old DS. I just don't know how I can fit in any more lessons and practice per week. I guess I need more lessons but how many more years will it take?? It's costing us 180 quid a month in lessons, dh is supportive but it worries me it will take a lot longer and cost huge amounts.

I'm feeling properly, properly wretched today which I know us awful given that other people have real problems and this isn't one. But I really can't face the idea I'll never be able to drive - we moved to a rural area when we had DS, I've been slowly making friends etc but it puts a real dampener on getting it know new people, places etc when you depend on lifts to get everywhere (the local bus service is laughable, btw.) Having a baby is hard work if you can't take them anywhere much, I can't cook particularly great meals because the nearest shop is 40minute walk away (when ds is hungry he points to the freezer - this does not make me feel great about myself), and with dh keen to get started on baby no.2 I just feel it'll be incredibly tough manhandling a baby and a toddler around town on foot.

Apologies if I'm being a drama llama (ok no 'if' about it really, I am being a drama llama), I just need to know what on earth I can do about this. I can rebook my test but I don't see how I can avoid doing the same insanely stupid things next time round - if anything I'll be more nervous, so more likely to fuck it up. And AIBU to secretly wonder whether I should be on the roads at all if it takes me 4+ tests before I pass?

Can you ask your instructor for some really genuine and frank feedback? Not everyone is able to drive, perhaps you need to accept this and think about moving to somewhere with better public transport.
What exactly did you fail this test on?

I am so sorry you didn't pass, it took me 3 times to get it. What exactly did you fail on, were you particularly nervous?

Firstly, lots of people take longer and more attempts to pass a driving test than you have and are perfectly adequate drivers. Secondly, is there anyway that your DH can take you out driving for practice? You will learn much quicker if you are practicing everyday rather than once a week. As for kids pointing to the freezer.... , and I can drive!

Don't worry.

I know young people that don't pass the first few times.

Have you thought about an auto? it does eliminate a few hurdles.

do not beat yourself up over any of this, that is a total waste of energy.

This country is obsessed with on what number test you pass on... be like an American and keep going till you get what you need!

Good luck!

I'm so sorry you failed today.
Do you get practise with your DH?
I had 50+ lessons before my first test and still failed. And failed the 2nd time.
But it wasn't until I got real life experience on the roads that I finally passed.
I did do it all early though.
Drive your car as much as possible.

You will get there. Get DH to let you drive all the time.

I passed on the 6th! various problems each time - don't give up.

Forget what happened 15 years ago.

Why did you fail this time?

I passed on my 3rd attempt. My dad is a driving instructor. He tells me not to tell people.

Can I be honest?

I think you're over-reacting about having failed the driving test (the bit about the freezer is hilarious). Driving is like anything else - a matter of practice, practice, practice. My driving instructor was a family friend and she had me driving her all over the place before my test, and firmly told my parents just how much driving I had to do. She told me that people tend to underestimate how much practice you need to do, and tend to think it's all about the lessons.

If you want to pass the test, you need to work out some way to get more practice - e.g. you and your DH shove the baby in the car at 6am every morning and you drive round for an hour while he sleeps.

Try learning on an automatic if it's gears that are tripping you up ... or how about an intensive course? A few days of lots of driving and take the test immediately after it finishes? I know it'd be tricky with childcare but worth it hopefully. Otherwise, maybe time for a new instructor. There's usually one in every town who gets the reputation for being able to get anyone through the test, see if you can find your local one through word of mouth.

I passed on the 4th go. First two at 17, then had a break until 22, then failed after another 12 or 15 weeks of lessons at uni. Then booked a test at home a few months later, forgot about it. Remembered the week before, booked two lessons the week before with the only guy in the phone book who had space at such short notice (one lesson got cancelled because it was 35C out and the instructor was about 25 stone and his car didn't have AC). But I passed, thank fuck. Also, took Kalms the last time. Was ready to give up again for a few years if I hadn't passed that time.

Good luck. I don't think you should give up after only 3 goes!!

I have a friend who was learning to drive over the course of about 20 years and didn't pass her test until the 14th time! By the time she passed her test, she was living in London with no car and no need for a car but she was determined to pass just to prove that she could, and she still doesn't drive to this day and probably never will.

Don't give up, you'll get the hang of it eventually.

6th time here too with such spectacular failures as driving into a mini, going down a 1 way the wrong way and yelling at an examiner.

Been driving years now no issues.

I just found I wanted It too much and got uber nervous. Was more relaxed in my degree exams! Relaxation tips and a friendly examiner who chatted while driving as i said how nervous I got and I passed!

Keep trying and review why you are failing so you can work on that

What were your fails?

My friend took 7 attempts, she could drive but the test made her go to pieces. Eventually an course of hypnotherapy worked with some rescue remedy on the day.

I failed my test several times OP and there is nothing wrong with my driving, I just used to go to pieces on test day and I therefore gave up. Took me nearly 20 years to start again which was such a waste so please don't give up.

Do you currently drive the family car on L plates?

I was very fortunate in that my boyfriend (now DH) bought me a car as he wanted me to drive. I therefore drove practically everywhere with him 'teaching' me.

What time does your DH have to be at work? Is it near the shop? Can you drive there on a morning, then do a shop and walk home? Not ideal I know but may help?
Or, get the infrequent bus to near your DH's work and then drive home via the supermarket?

If you tell your new friends that you are struggling with your driving but when you pass you will return the driving favours ( I did this) they will be fine - some of them may even offer to take you out? (again, mine did this)

Please don't beat yourself up, you've done the hard bit in passing your theory test!!!!

Have you considered an auto? My sister failed 11 times but passed first time in an auto. plus, autos are generally nicer and more comfortable and you have an excuse to need one

theodora

I was going to say the same. My dad learned in his 50s and passed 5th time on an auto

That said, he isn't a brilliant driver - not terrible either, but he doesn't anticipate what is going on ahead enough

... Oh and I agree with all the others of you who suggested an automatic

I can really sympathise, having grown up right in the middle of nowhere. I started driving on my 17th birthday and failed four tests until, at 18 and fed up with having to sponge lifts of my Dad, I went to the doctor's to get something for my nerves. I could drive Mum's Austin Metro fine but got into the instructor's car and went to pieces.

A handful of beta blockers and half a glass of wine later and I finally passed - in the metro! Never looked back, but really peeved that I hadn't done it within the 9 months after my 17th as means I have to do extra tests to drive a minibus and tow some trailers etc.

Keep persevering and you'll get there.

You need to change your instructor most likely. As you haven't said what you failed on my best guess is that you have not mastered clutch control even though you think you have and your instructor is happy to continue indefinitely as he is making money from you.

Why not learn automatic only - much easier?

I failed mine miserably twice at 17, then took a break when I went to university. After I finished university my dad said he would buy me a car if I passed the test before his birthday, so that was a real incentive. His birthday was 7th September, my test was on the 5th September - so no pressure!

Anyway, I did lots and lots of driving coming up to my third test - four hours a week of lessons (I was lucky to know an instructor who was very cheap!) and practised with my parents as well. On the day of the test, despite what was at stake, I definitely was not as nervous as before because I felt so well prepared. The elation when I was told I had passed was indescribable.

As I said on another thread recently, my mum just couldn't get the hang of learning in a car with gears & never got as far as the test. Then she changed to an automatic & passed first time at the age of 70!

Totally off the subject, but at drama llama - see my user name! That came about because I once called my son a drama llama, but he informed me he was definitely not a drama llama, he was a drama alpaca. Hence my name !

Don't worry OP, keep going & you will get there eventually. Also, all those extra lessons will make you a much safer driver.

1. I expect you will pass eventually

1. If you really aren't safe on the roads and never will be (or don't feel you will be) then how about moving somewhere that does not make you so dependent on lifts/ public transport. Why not move to a house IN a village or a small town? It would take off all the pressure. Not everyone drives (eg some can't for medical reasons) but there are some places where it is a complete pain and others where it is not.

1. I second the idea of an automatic.

I passed 4th time, took 4 years in total of on/off lessons. Stick at it- big gaps in learning won't help, as with anything. I wasn't ready to pass my first or second time and I know that now.

Keep going at it, it's horrible to fail but keep going. I wouldn't advice going down the automatic route just yet- it can be very limiting and often gears are the least of your problems. Perhaps do as others have said and take a few weeks of lessons and then an intensive course with a test at the end?

Please don't give up.
I say this as my H does not drive (he can, but won't) and it is the most annoying thing ever.
You'll get there in the end. One lucky day is all it takes.

I passed third time after 3 instructors (moves around the country). I think I might have passed first time with the first instructor..