to be utterly frustrated that even my closest friends don't get how sick I am?

[MrsHuxtable]

I'm 10 weeks pregnant with my second Hyperemesis pregnancy. I've been through it before 2 years ago and my friends know this. 7 months of puking is hard to hide.

For the last 4 weeks, I've not been able to leave my bed. As soon as get up, I vomit. All I can do is lie as still as possible and wait for the days to pass. On bad days, I vomit 20 times a day and can't keep anything down, on a good day, I can eat and drink a handful of things and it will stay inside as long as I don't move.

Yet, in the last few days, I've had the following questions from close friends.

1. Are you free to meet in town for coffee?
2. Do you drop by work a lot so they know how you are?

and just know

3. Have you been at work at all last week?

I understand it's hard to comprehend how debilitating HG is if you've not had it but really? Really????

I can't walk 5 metres to the bathroom without feeling like I'm going to faint and need DH to help me take a shower every few weeks. I stink. I pray I can keep enough fluids down so I don't have to go into hospital again and you, my friend ask me if I have been at work, when my job is quite physical and involves 9 hours of standing and running around?

Honestly?

It's awful. Hugely sympathetic towards you. I really don't think people realise how debilitating it can be. I won't been having anymore DC because I can't face HG again!

I remember smells setting me off too- even someone drinking coffee downstairs, or the smell of the decking after the rain. I ended up hooked up to a drip at home for about 8 weeks as DS1 needed me and I couldn't be in hospital. At least the birth is minimal in comparison!

YANBU I had a friend who text me at 3am when I had morning sickness (not even hyperemesis) saying 'we're having a party on top of tesco in town, you should come, it's crazy'

I was furious and felt very lonely. Like a previous poster though my friend did say he didn't want me to feel excluded. It didn't help at the time but 4 years later I realise he had no clue what I was going through and only text through kindness and the fact he wanted me to be happy.

Try and explain to your friends.

Oh honey, I had HG as you describe, it was so horrid, no one really gets it who hasn't had it, it's not like morning sickness.

I felt awful for my dd when I was expecting ds. We moved early in the pg and she wanted to go back to our old house because 'you weren't grumpy and ill all the time there' my heart broke. BUT now my dd is 5 and ds is nearly 3 and dd doesn't remember life before he came along, they play together and love each other and I know I did the right thing. A sibling is someone to share things with for all your life. I seriously considered termination, it was so awful. It does end eventually.

You will get there, your dd will forget.

I had it to a much lesser degree for 10 weeks. I wasn't hospitalised but I was totally bed ridden, unable to move from my bed and puking lots. No one except dh and some medical staff understood. A couple of friends were seriously unsupportive. Oddly enough they went on to have bad morning sickness which did then give them some empathy. Can you send a nice text update around friends stating what you have and including a link to a website to help them understand. Maybe e plain ghat you are totally bed ridden

Are you sure you shouldn't be in hospital on a drip? Is your gp or midwife aware of how bad you are?

I think most people just don't get it - they don't even realise that ordinary morning sickness can be dreadful, let alone HG. I am so sorry.

I didn't get morning sickness, but have had a inner ear infection and had about 3 or 4 days of what you've described and that is the worst I have ever felt in my life. The prospect of that for weeks on end - I can sympathise why you're so fed up.
Most people will not have a clue how ill HG can make a woman, so don't be too hard on your friends.

I think friends started to get it when we were moving and I explained that I hadn't seen our new house (rented) I couldn't face getting in the car to the new house, so he had to do the house hunting and sign contracts and hope I liked it. It was not being able to do anything to make myself feel better and not knowing when it would end.

The relief when the baby was born!

oh poor you. i felt sick all the time, and like i was just about to vomit f Ii sat up, but I only had it for 16 weeks and I could eat and drink. that was awful enough.

the thing is morning sickness is the occasional vomit in the loo in the morning, while looking glamorous and carrying on your own life... at least on the tv! that has done us no favours.

I hope that it eases of soon.

Jeez, that sounds horrible! I am sure your friends just don't understand. Maybe you should send them an e-mail with details you've told us above. TBH if you were my friend and you just told me you had very bad morning sickness (even if you called it Hyperemesis) I couldn't imagine what you've described above, I wouldn't imagine anything that bad so maybe they can't either.

I wonder whether you'd feel better in hospital. You can't do anything at home to help your daughter and you'd be in a more controlled environment with people taking care of you. It must be heartbreaking being physically near to your child but not being able to help her or play with her. She would understand more if you were in hospital, don't you think?

Just came back to see how you are Op. It sounds wretched. Feeling even a bit sick is bad enough but for that long and so intensely. How are you able to eat or drink?

OP, my DW suffered with hyperemesis. I had never heard of it before, and never seen anyone so ill (outside a hospital). I really hope yours lifts soon. It's a ghastly illness.

Have you told them how sick you are? I would think they just don't know much about the condition

People just don't understand HG and to be fair prior to your first pregnancy I bet you didn't either (I certainly didn't).

Until you've been in that situation nothing can prepare you for it.

I found lying down down absolutely nothing was the only way i could get through it too. although mine did lift at around the 25 week mark, and the less i did the better I felt (if that makes sense).

I really feel for you I had HG in all three pregancies but with the last one I wasn't working (or more to the point worrying about not being in work) and although I still had HG I was able to manage it more effectively with less stress (I stayed out of hospital too!)

YANBU.

I had HG with 3 of my 4 pregnancies, it was absolute hell. I thought it would kill me I felt so ill.

Unfortunately a lot of people do not understand how different to morning sickness HG is.it isn't just nausea or the occasional throwing up it is possibly the worst feeling in the world. I would get palpitations and broken blood vessels on my face from the constant being sick.
With each pg I had to have a filling as it ruined my teeth with the constant vomiting and I burnt my throat bringing up stomach acid. It is horrible.

I was hospitalised and also had stemetil tablets and cyclizine. There is another one that I had when pg with dc4 that helped and I just had 'morning sickness' not hg I think It begins with a z I cannot remember the name.

With dd2 I was so ill. Poor ds1 was completely neglected and would watch the cartoon humf all day. If I so much as hear the music to it now it makes me feel physically sick.

I really sympathise OP and I hope you start to feel better sooner than you did with your last pregnancy x

Was it zofran ariane? (drug name ondansetron) very good antiemetic.

Yes that was it! Zofran. Stemetil made my face twitch and didn't help much, cyclizine made me quite dizzy and I didn't feel well at all on it although it also helped slightly.

I had another tablet (buccastem I think) that had to dissolve in the mouth but wasn't really very helpful. Zofran was the one that made a difference and enabled me to function in my 4th pregnancy.

You poor thing - it sounds awful and that's just with my puny imaginings of what it must be like, so I really hope you get a break from it soon. However, I am guessing that your friends are probably trying to ask in an indirect way whether you are feeling any better because they aren't sure what to say. Try not to let it get to you, although it must be so hard not to think the worst of everything at the moment, and maybe ask your husband to be the middle man when it comes to communication so that he can explain and avoid adding to your woes.

Zoo ran was the only thing that worked for me. It doesn't make you feel better though, just stops the vomiting. You need to be really careful, I had a stroke from the constant vomiting and almost died.

Ignore being healthy, at this point you have to be in survival mode. For me that meant litres of ice cold coke, watermelon and crisps.

If you get a bad headache go straight to hospital. Sorry to be the voice of doom but this condition can be fatal.

Zofran

You are being a little U, yes.

Most people don't have a clue what you are going through, it is always explained as 'terrible morning sickness', then you have people like Kate Middleton who go in hospital for a few days then are back 'on duty'... I think it's pretty much what we all think until either we have it, or we are close to someone who has had it OR someone on MN posts a thread about contemplating a termination because of it - now that thread was an eye opener for sure:(

You need to either invite them around OR explain much more clearly what this involves. I expect they think that at times you feel as bad as you do, but that at other times you feel much better and might like to get out of the house a bit.

I hope it does pass/ease up for you soon.

Oh MrsH much sympathy and (non-stinky) ! I had HG and was hospitalised and then spent several weeks with bedrest. I know exactly what you mean in your description especially the smells. My poor DH wasn't even allowed to make his morning drink! Luckily my co-workers were fairly sympathetic; one of them had to get me to hospital at the start, in her car, with me throwing up into a bucket. So they 'got' that I was really rather ill.

But still I get questions about when I'm having another. 1) I'm 45 and 2) with 70% chance of another HG pregnancy? Seriously?

You are brave to do it twice. I wasn't! Best wishes.

14 years ago I spent 6 months in hospital because of it luckily since I've not had it as bad and treatment is much better this pregnancy I'm having injections and tablets and so far I've only had 2 short admissions.

But your right and yanbu if people are going to just decide that your just a little bit queezy and they profess to care then a quick google will educate them.

You have my sympathy, its hideous. The school smell on ds1 used to make me worse. I had it both pregnancies and was incredibly lucky to have a lovely Dr who completely understood as his daughter had if at the same time. Tbh I didn't fully understand how ill it could make you before I got pregnant, my veins collapsed due to dehydration, I was very ill. Good luck OP, just take it hour by hour.