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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed off at friend who is such a SKIVER!

29 replies

Mouthfulofquiz · 24/06/2013 20:15

Hi all - these AIBU posts have saved my sanity on many an occasion while feeding a baby in the night so it's about time I put one out there of my own!

Basically I have a friend who is such a skiver from work! She is a doctor in a surgery and will take any opportunity to not go in - regardless of how much work it takes to fill rotas and how the rest of the team have to pick up the slack.

She is oblivious to her rapidly diminishing reputation and to be honest, with my management hat on, I'm starting to get pissed off. It is affecting the way I see her, I'm getting very judgey of her behaviour and I'm blatantly trying to avoid spending time with her while she is behaving in this way.

AIBU? Should I be trying to get to the bottom of this or should I just accept the fact that not everyone is bought up to think skiving is terrible. In my opinion paid employment means that you are paid to do something whether you enjoy it or not. Work doesn't OWE you. And as an educated adult, if you don't like your job - take control of your life and move on.

Cheers ladies!

OP posts:
PoppyWearer · 24/06/2013 20:18

She must have some kind of work ethic to have qualified as a doctor in the first place?

So what is she avoiding or having a problem with now?

snooter · 24/06/2013 20:18

Most doctors work hard - is she well? Could she be depressed? has she always been like this?

iwantanafternoonnap · 24/06/2013 20:20

maybe ask her why she is taking so much time off and if their is anything you can help her with before being so judgey.

ArabellaBeaumaris · 24/06/2013 20:21

Is she calling in sick then? Is she still in specialist training?

Mouthfulofquiz · 24/06/2013 20:22

All good points. I don't know what the problem is.... I almost feel like I don't really care because she is handling it so badly by just skiving off. I think I may be being unreasonable here - but it's so frustrating when people don't man up....

OP posts:
ParadiseChick · 24/06/2013 20:23

What reasons is she giving for not going in?

scarlettsmummy2 · 24/06/2013 20:23

Maybe she isn't coping with the job??!

LeaveTheBastid · 24/06/2013 20:23

Well then why don't you man up yourself and raise your issue with your 'friend' instead of bitching about her on a public forum?

Mouthfulofquiz · 24/06/2013 20:25

No not far into the training yet - nor will she ever finish at this rate!
I suppose that I just feel like if you can't cope with a job then it's best to be honest with yourself - life is too short.

Funny.... Writing this has been quite therapeutic in that I can see my unreasonable-ness clear as day....

So - how can I tactfully just tell her to stop calling in sick over the slightest thing (then being horrified when called up on it)

Thanks all :-)

OP posts:
MadBusLady · 24/06/2013 20:25

Are you the practice manager? Are you supposed to investigate excessive absence?

AnyFucker · 24/06/2013 20:26

What a shitty friend you sound Hmm

Every single doctor I have ever known (and I have known lots) are massively conscientious

Could you not approach her kindly and ask if something is bothering her that you could help with ?

raisah · 24/06/2013 20:26

One of my colleagues does the absolute bare minimum but if you ask her for help she suddenly becomes very busy. She is quite good at dumping work on other people and spends her days catching up on her own personal work. She is under the delusional impression that she is talented enough to apply for a line management position!

Mouthfulofquiz · 24/06/2013 20:27

I'm putting it on here in the spirit of AIBU - if no-one wrote on these forums to ask the question then it wouldn't exist!

OP posts:
Mouthfulofquiz · 24/06/2013 20:28

No - I don't work with her, so it's just my personal belief that is causing the issue. I almost wish I did - I'd have slightly more influence over the situation..

OP posts:
raisah · 24/06/2013 20:29

Posted too soon. Is she experiencing personal problems? Depression? Does she call in sick & is then spotted out shopping?

ArabellaBeaumaris · 24/06/2013 20:31

Not far into the training? Could it be that she is finding it really, really hard? I know of what I speak as DP is a junior doctor & it can be fucking shit & overwhelming.

Mouthfulofquiz · 24/06/2013 20:34

Okay all - have come to the conclusion that I am being harsh and actually unreasonable in not trying to help her sort it out. Not everyone handles things the same way and I'm being a bit naive to think they do.

So - I've called and arranged to take her out for dinner and if it comes up, then I'll see what I can do to help.

Thanks mumsnet.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/06/2013 20:38

That's more like it Smile

JakeBullet · 24/06/2013 20:38

Is something going on in her life?

It takes huge commitment to train as a doctor so presumably she has managed that commitment previously. You dont achieve that degree while skiving off.

A friend of mine is a consultant but had huge amounts of time off as a junior doctor due to personal issues in his life. These were issues not known to many people and which took him a while to cope with.

Unless you know WHY your friend is "skiving off" then YABU....bit you k ow that already because you've said so.

Mouthfulofquiz · 24/06/2013 20:43

Yes - more 'investigation' and investment of time needed from me. Sorry - this is actually turned out to be a bit of a shit AIBU thread seeing as I rather quickly ended up changing my mind and agreeing with everyone.....

I can't think of anything to spice it up either!

I promise to make my next one better! Hahaha

OP posts:
ParadiseChick · 24/06/2013 20:50

Must try harder! [Grin]

ParadiseChick · 24/06/2013 20:51
Grin
maddening · 24/06/2013 20:54

She either isn't coping, is being bullied or there is a lot of office politics going on or she has discovered that being a gp is not for her.

TheMagicKeyCanFuckOff · 24/06/2013 20:54
Grin
maddening · 24/06/2013 20:54

Well make sure you come back and tell us what the problem is :)