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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do I send him to school?

72 replies

mamateur · 24/06/2013 08:18

What has to happen for your child to take the day off school sick?

DS, Y10, has been bouncing around all weekend, now says he feels 'queasy', too sick even to get out of bed and have something to eat. We said he would have to go to the doctor if he was that sick, he says he will go. I haven't taken his temperature yet. HOping for quick responses.

OP posts:

MortifiedAdams · 24/06/2013 09:28

Feels sick - send him in. If he feels worse there, they will send him home

Been sick - keep.him off, day in bed.

My sick days were spent in bed, no tv, just rest. If I was that ill, the rest made me better. If I wasnt that ill, these days were dull as fuck and school was the better option.

DorisIsWaiting · 24/06/2013 09:38

If he's now refusing to get out of bed to go to the doctors I would suggest something else is wrong... What happened at school last week or what is due to happen today?

Original poster

mamateur · 24/06/2013 09:55

I think he tried it on, then we insisted and he dug himself into a hole and couldn't back down.

I wouldn't take him to the doctors for feeling sick - it was a gambit to get him up and out of bed.

I appreciate that bugs can come on quickly, but the bugs you describe have physical symptoms, not feeling a bit queasy. I explained to him that lots of people all round the world are feeling a bit queasy at the thought of getting up on a Monday. It is his complete unwillingness to get out of bed and even try having a drink or a bit of toast that annoys me.

I don't think there's anything wrong at school. I talk to him about that stuff a lot - he now has a very solid, very nice friend set and is happy at school. We just had a parents evening and things are positive.

He's still in bed. We both tried to send him in, but short of hauling him out of bed physically, which we are not going to do, there's not much we can do about it. If he gets up later I will drive him in or make him do some work.

Thanks to all posters for your support

OP posts:

teenagetantrums · 24/06/2013 10:50

As you say you cant make him go in, when mine try it on i make them stay in bed, no playing games or going on phones and laptops either, oh and dont forget no eating junk either, some nice dry toast is best. If he is sick he wont mind.

DeWe · 24/06/2013 10:51

Depends on whether he often does this or not.

But dd2 frequently tells me she's sick/hurt her leg/tummyache/anythign else and is too ill for school. So she goes in unless I have direct evidence (actual being sick or temperature)

If dd1 said she felt too queasy for school, then I'd believe her. But I'm more likely to be preventing her from leaving for school while she throws up trying to go for the bus.

Interestingly dd2 usually enjoys school, whereas dd1 has a tough time generally. So nothing to do with issues there.

Original poster

mamateur · 24/06/2013 11:24

Thanks everyone. If he had actually been sick, I would have looked after him rather than try to get him to go to school. But really, no temperature, no pallor, Monday morning? He played rugby all day yesterday and was showing off all his exercises last night. I don't want to be horrible, but sometimes you have to make yourself do stuff when you don't particularly feel like it - it's part of life.

I've worked in a company that tracked Monday absences as an assessment of commitment to the job.

I'm going to creep by there later and if he's on his computer he will be in that car and on the way to school.

OP posts:

IsItMyArseOrMyElbow · 24/06/2013 11:28

I'd probably have unplugged the wifi router and taken it with me, but then I had to be bleeding from the eyes before I was allowed a day off sick from school.

Original poster

mamateur · 24/06/2013 11:40

isit, me too, I can remember dipping the mercury thermometer in my hot lemon (learned from a CarryOn film) but there wasn't much fooling my mum. I can't unplug the router, we all working from home here. And then there's his phone.

OP posts:

mumofthemonsters808 · 24/06/2013 11:58

I remember when my daughter was younger she coincidently had tummy ache every Friday or Monday, we called it lazyitus. We laugh about it now, but at the time I never really knew if she was in pain or not, I always just sent her in on the understanding they would call me to collect.

StuntGirl · 24/06/2013 12:05

The refusal to go to the doctor would have done it for me.

He'd have been up and out with the understanding that if he was genuinely sick later he could come home.

Original poster

mamateur · 24/06/2013 12:10

How would you get him up and about though? He is taller than me. He is also incredibly stubborn and will stay all day in bed rather than admit to feeling better.

However, he was due to get new jeans and football boots today, so that won't be happening. I will explain that it was the failure to try and get up that did it. If you're so ill you can't even get vertical, yet still won't see the doctor...

OP posts:

StuntGirl · 24/06/2013 12:18

Absolutely don't get him those items today. I would also change the password on the wifi since you can't turn it off, and tell him if he is that ill its bed all day.

annh · 24/06/2013 12:26

I have occasionally given DS1 (also Y10) the day off school when has felt unwell. He's not normally a slacker, enjoys school (in a teenager-y fashion) and is usually vey enthusiastic. However, on occasion he just seems to collapse for a day and then bounce back afterwards. I think he is at an age where his body and mind are changing dramatically and he is also very active but doesn't necessarily have the maturity to pace himself or slow down before he completely collapses. So yes, in your case I probably would have let him have the day off as long as it isn't a regular occurence.

annh · 24/06/2013 12:27

Whoops - spelling mistake - occurrence

Yonihadtoask · 24/06/2013 13:04

I am a bit uncomfortable with posters saying that their DC can have the day off if they are a little under the weather - not actually sick.

What will happen when they go out into the world of work? Not many employers are that understanding. Most places I worked you had to be virtually at death's door before ringing in sick. It just wasn't worth the hassle.

annh · 24/06/2013 13:16

Yonihadtoask I hope that by the time DS1 (still 14) goes out to work he will have stopped growing 3 inches in as many months and will have the maturity to know that if you throw yourself too completely into a cycle race/rugby match/cross-country run on Sunday you will suffer for it on Monday. Hopefully his hormones will have calmed down as well! Maturity will be a great thing.

Original poster

mamateur · 24/06/2013 13:24

But Annh I don't think 14/15 is too young to get yourself in gear and at least try to get to school. If you're really ill, it will be obvious.

OP posts:

livinginwonderland · 24/06/2013 13:33

I used to be allowed maybe one day off a year when I was just over-tired. Sometimes, they'll benefit more from a day off than a day in school when they're too tired to focus or concentrate on anything other than the inside of their eyelids!

I'm now 24 and I only ever take time off work if I've been physically sick (I work with food so we have a v.strict policy with regards to being off with vomiting). If I'm tired, I go to work because otherwise I don't get paid. I honestly think there's nothing wrong with teenagers needing a day off once a year or so. As long as it's not once a week or once a month, their education is hardly going to suffer for it.

Feelslikea1sttimer · 24/06/2013 13:37

I have a y8 and a y10 and the first thing I do is check their planners to see what homework is due in...

I do normally send them to school although I sent my feeling sick y10 boy to school a fortnight ago and had to collect him at 10:30 as he had thrown up, I felt a bit guilty!

AmberSocks · 24/06/2013 13:46

there is a bug going round our school and my younger children who are 8 months,3 and 4 have all caught it last night,ds1 who is 5 hasnt got it yet but ive kept him off anyway,he wil get it eventually and if i send him and i get a call because hes had diarrhea in PE or thrown up then i will have to drag the other 3 which wont be fun.

Original poster

mamateur · 24/06/2013 13:46

He has had 6 days of sick. The first year he came to us he didn't even have 1 day off sick, then he tried it on saying he had a bad tummy and the runs. Crafty, as this is hard for me to check. Months later he admitted it was not true. He has tried that one again this year and had two days off. Then, when his granny looked after him he clocked up another 4. He a very healthy boy. I've checked his planner, no homework or assessments. He still hasn't emerged from his room. I'm really cross.

OP posts:

AmberSocks · 24/06/2013 13:48

IME,something minor like a cold or just overtiredness turns into something worse and harder to shift if they dont getsome rest,so i will keep mine off even for the smallest of thnigs.

Saying that,school is only a short term option for us,if they were going indefinitley then i would have to be stricter,as i imagine they would clock on as they get older and use it becaus ehtey just dont fancy going to school.

xylem8 · 24/06/2013 13:59

' If you're so ill you can't even get vertical, yet still won't see the doctor...'

ummm well presumably going to the doctor does involve getting vertical

Yonihadtoask · 24/06/2013 14:00

OP - can you make him do a bit of school work at home? Just so he knows that he hasn't totally got away with it today?

There must be some sort of revision he could be doing? or read a book?

livinginwonderland · 24/06/2013 14:04

But OP, you don't know that he doesn't feel really shit. Most teenagers won't voluntarily stay in bed and not eat or go on the computer or their phone unless there's something really wrong.

I know when I feel like that all I want to do is sleep or rest. If someone tried to make me eat something or get up I would tell them where to go.

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