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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want him to stay home?

55 replies

GiveMeVegemite · 23/06/2013 11:24

My DH has a great job and gets to work from home 4 days a week, sometimes 5. This means that he can help out with our DS who is 12 months. I am currently 7 months pregnant with DS 2 and was looking forward to loads of help, especially since I have to have a c section. He would get 2 weeks paternity, plus 2 weeks time off.

BUT he has just been offered an even better job , money wise, (over 25k more than he is on now) which would mean we would be very comfortable. However, this is a contract for 12 months so no paternity (he would still take 2 weeks unpaid leave) and he would have to be in the office every day.

We are so up in the air about it. Am I being unreasonable to think the money isn't worth the family time at home? He already gets paid a lot so I don't think it is worth it?

OP posts:
Trills · 23/06/2013 11:28

There is more to a job than just money.

Being able to work from home is one consideration (although while he is working he should be working, not looking after a toddler).

How interesting he finds the job is another.

The potential future prospects are yet another.

TidyDancer · 23/06/2013 11:28

I don't know, there isn't a right and wrong here.

Leaving aside the baby issues for a moment, what aside from money are the advantages of the new job?

If he went for it, is there anyone else who could help you for the first couple of weeks?

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2013 11:29

I'd rather he took the new job to be honest.

Sometimes he more help you have at the start, the more dependent you become on that help.

Do you have any other family or friends in the area who could help out after the 2 weeks, if you really need it?

TidyDancer · 23/06/2013 11:30

Scrap that, he would be home for the first couple of weeks anyway, so that's a moot point.

The only issue I see with this is that 12 month contract only.

diddl · 23/06/2013 11:32

What happens when the contract is up?

I think it would be odd to refuse it on the grounds of being with you for a few weeks iyswim.

Could you pay for help if necessary when he has to work?

NatashaBee · 23/06/2013 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
GiveMeVegemite · 23/06/2013 11:39

The thing is, we are moving countries in 12 months so it is actually pretty perfect...

He doesn't look after our DS at home, just if I need to go to the loo or something I just can get him to mind him for 2 minutes. It's more that our son gets to see loads of his dad and he packs up at 5 on the dot, so has loads of time in the evening and mornings.

He is bored in his current job and the new job would look great on his CV as it is with a very well known bank.

OP posts:
Trills · 23/06/2013 11:41

I think he should take the new job:

It pays more
He's bored in his current job so he will enjoy it more
It would look good on his CV
The 12 month contract is a non-issue because you will be moving

FutTheShuckUp · 23/06/2013 11:44

You are a SAHM so thems the breaks really. I dont buy this can't go to the loo business to be perfectly honest, you just have to manage.

FutTheShuckUp · 23/06/2013 11:46

And 25k is a HELL of a lot more money so I dont see how you can say the extra money isn't worth it- to most people it is a fortune.

NatashaBee · 23/06/2013 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IsThatTrue · 23/06/2013 11:47

I think YABU and he should take the new job. It may be easier with him at home to 'mind' DS occasionally but you'll cope alone and the positives far outweigh the negatives IMO.

jelliebelly · 23/06/2013 11:48

I'd take the new job. Bit of a no brainer really.

jelliebelly · 23/06/2013 11:48

Oh yes I think YABU

diddl · 23/06/2013 11:49

Oh goodness, he should def take the job!

Why wouldn't you want him to?

McNewPants2013 · 23/06/2013 11:52

i think he should take it and the extra money put into saving for when you move.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 23/06/2013 11:52

If it's lots more money would you be able to buy in some help when baby comes - e.g. cleaner or post-natal doula?

apostropheuse · 23/06/2013 11:53

I think he would be insane not to take the job. It's a win-win situation - a twelve month contract and you're leaving the country in twelve months anyway.

Twenty-five thousand pounds isn't to be sniffed at, but even not taking the extra salary into consideration it will be good for his CV to have the new post on it.

Also, if he's working from home he should be treating it the same as being in the office anyway. You really shouldn't be depending on him to let you go to the toilet etc. You should be able to cope on your own as millions of other parents have to do. You just put the baby in a safe place and go to the toilet/have a shower/do whatever you need to do.

You will be perfectly fine on your own, honestly.

kungfupannda · 23/06/2013 11:57

I think he should take the job. It's a huge amount of extra money, and it sounds like it would actually be a good idea to have a home-work separation. You say you were looking forward to "loads of help", but really, he should be working from home, not using it as time to help out with childcare. There's a real risk that his work will start suffering if you're expecting him to be able to provide that level of help with two children.

If you're moving abroad, presumably you won't have the same set-up then, so it's probably a good idea to get used to managing without that extra help. Lots of people manage as SAHMs to two children, so it's perfectly do-able.

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2013 12:02

In what way is the extra money not worth it?

He'll still be able to see the DC after work and at weekends, won't he?

TheCrackFox · 23/06/2013 12:07

Take the job. 25k can give you more money to buy in help.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 23/06/2013 12:08

Take the job

You will learn how to manage loo breaks/personal hygiene/cooking etc/toddler and baby wrangling like a pro

FutTheShuckUp · 23/06/2013 12:11

I don't get all this needing so much 'help' unless you are disabled to be honest. It's just what you do, when you decide to be the SAHM parent.

ihearsounds · 23/06/2013 12:18

He should take the job.
You will learn to stand on your own two feet and pee, shower and various other things. You at the moment are just too dependent on him.

trinity0097 · 23/06/2013 12:25

I say take the job and get a housekeeper/mothers help for the mornings,s o that whe he does come home all the jobs have been done and you are not stressed out dealing with two kids and a house!

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