to be alarmed at the amount DH eats?

[twosmallbuttons]

I'm not quite sure how to even describe this in AIBU but here goes.

Every mealtime DH seems to eat enough for at least 2 people. I think he's forgotten what normal portion size is. When I express surprise at how much he's eating, he puts it down to not eating a proper lunch earlier, or some such reason.

I really don't want to comment all the time on what he eats, but I just sit there like thinking how does he think this is normal?

DH has never been 'normal size'. Since the 10 years we've been together his lightest weight has been 16 stone (at our wedding). He is at least 3-4 stone more now. He tried a(nother) diet earlier this year but falls off it if he goes away on business, holiday etc.

I feel too because it's affecting our sex life; I can't find him as sexy when he's so much bigger. I feel ashamed to admit this as I know physical appearance isn't the bee all.

His family have health problems relating to their size & lack of exercise. He knows he needs to lose weight. I fear for his future tbh - the longer it takes him to lose weight the harder it will be.

I support him fully in his diets etc, make dinners for me & DC that can be easily tailored to fit his diet; don't have any crap foods in the house, etc, but it's not enough. I know this is a sensitive topic but I just want to help him get his energy & zest for life back

[foreverondiet]

Well who is making and plating up the food? Make enough for a normal person.

Make lunch too if necessary. tbh his stomach is probably v stretched so he probably feels hungry after a normal portion.

I would find it a turn off but I suspect if a women came on here and said her DH found her unattractive as she was so fat then everyone would be nice to her and not side with her DH.

[SpecialAgentTattooedQueen]

How about just bluntly telling him not to be a cunt and at your lunch when he feels like a fucking snack?

If he wants to kill himself, fine. He doesn't greedily gulp down his wife and D's food as snacks because he feels like it.

[SpecialAgentTattooedQueen]

*eat your lunch and DC obviously!

[SolidGoldBrass]

OK, we live in a culture that is hysterically stupid about eating and weight. It's not wrong to like food, and it's NOT, actually, wrong, to be fat. However, the real problem here is that this man is, by the sound of it, eating so much that other family members are going short of food. If the household has a limited food budget then it's not OK for one person to eat much more than everyone else ie when a batch of food has been prepared that's supposed to do two/three meals but one person eats all the leftovers, that's simply unfair. So I would suggest the OP discusses it with her H in these terms: there is not going to be enough food to go round if you just keep eating everything in sight.

[RevoltingPeasant]

OP I feel so sorry. My poor aunt worked hard all her life and retired at 65 to spend time with her much loved DH. He had always smoked and drunk. They sold the house, bought a boat and wanted to travel the world. Only he had a heart attack before they got to go anywhere. It was awful - she was a PE teacher and v fit, but he always just laughed at her. He will miss his daughter's wedding this summer.

I think it may take knowing someone like that to jolt your H into the reality of what he's doing.

[Saidar]

"foreverondiet Sun 23-Jun-13 22:42:51
Well who is making and plating up the food?"

Does your DP/Friend/Family monitor your food intake since you are forever on a diet? Or are you allowed to be an adult and regulate your own food intake?

OP is not to blame for her husband's health.

[monicalewinski]

Lots on here about diet, only some on exercise.

For men especially, they will shred LOADS by getting active (my husband is a pain in the arse with this, will realise he's getting a bit "soft" then train harder for a few weeks and be back in shape - doesn't work quite as fast for me!). Cycling, walking (fast) and strength training - the more muscle he has, the more he will burn fat.

He needs to realise for himself though what he's becoming, stop quietly worrying and get him to have a good look at his habits (if you can).

[twosmallbuttons]

Update

Last night I was totally honest with DH and told him I was worried about his health and the direction it was going. I told him I was worried he wouldn't be healthy enough to see our kids into adulthood. I have dreams of us all skipping through meadows but currently he can't even hop let alone skip.
I did mention diabetes as a very real possibility - I suggested a visit to the GP so we'll see if he takes himself off there.

He was quite taken aback at first but in the end admitted he has some sort of addiction to food, it's been a problem all his life (his DM over fed him & his sibling as kids). He sees food as a treat, and lets himself treat himself whenever he wants.
He is particularly vulnerable when he's stressed, busy, sad etc. He had a very sad year last year with family stuff, and I don't think he's come out of it fully yet.

However, he thanked me for my honesty, and I think this was his 'lightbulb' moment as pp said upthread. He has been quiet today, I suspect is still working his way through all these issues.

Thanks to everyone for their advice, it was a difficult but necessary conversation, and one that I was struggling to do before starting this thread

[monicalewinski]

Yay! Good luck with everything. x

[TeWiSavesTheDay]

I'm glad the talk went down okay twosmall. I hope everything goes well for you all in the future.

[Saidar]

So glad you've came out of this together feeling positive.

Hope the GP can give him a good bill health wise so it's just about prevention and enjoying life with each other.

x

[CinnamonAddict]

He may need professional tbh. It's very hard to start a healthy eating regime if the unhealthy eating is a lifelong habit of using food to cover up or cope with emotions. He needs alternative strategies for those issues first.

Good luck!

[twosmallbuttons]

Thanks Cinnamon, I hadn't thought of that possibility. Do you have any suggestions for what would help? Tbh if DH is not jumping up to go to the GP I'm not sure how he'd react to the suggestion of professional help

Ps Do you mean seeing a counsellor, or a personal trainer?

[CinnamonAddict]

I meant therapy. He will probably run a mile at the suggestion , but maybe he would read a book? You can google emotional eater, or go on amazon.

[SpecialAgentTattooedQueen]

Good on you OP! Best of luck to your DH, addictions are hard and admitting you have a problem is the first step which he has taken. He is very lucky to have such a loving, supportive wife. :)

[BriansBrain]

I've just read from beginning to end and I'm so glad to read a positive outcome, as in you spoke to him about how worried you are.

My experience is a bit different because it was my DH who asked me to help him loose weight.

Because of working hours I cold eat with the DC and then cook a fresh meal for him in the evening. Veg and chicken.

Every night

Night after night

I have a tiny appetite and sort of talked DH out of eating until it became normal for him to only need normal size meals.

He still doesn't have any carbs although we do now eat togeather again but I have carbs (because I ned them) and he skips them.

A treat in our house for him is cauli and broc cheese, I've mastered the sauce so it has more mustard seed and black pepper in it than cheese.

He has now started going to the gym and is really enjoying it and feeling so much happier in himself.

It's little steps but now a lot lighter ones than before.

[BriansBrain]

Lose not loose ffs - although his trousers are a lot looser these days

[twosmallbuttons]

Emotional eating...that describes DH very well. Thanks for the diagnosis

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

There are some nutritionists who cover the psychological aspects of eating/comfort eating/overindulging so he could get the counselling without labelling it as such IYSWIM.

Well done, OP, I hope this is the beginning of a healthier DH. I was going to come on here to post in a jokey way to tell him that his winky looks smaller under a big tummy but I think your approach was better

[twosmallbuttons]

Hearts

[Southeastdweller]

Glad to read he's turned a corner. I would encourage him to do exercise - even brisk walking is great and perhaps something you could do together. Exercise is fab for weight loss, mood and many people find they become addicted to it.