Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be alarmed at the amount DH eats?

96 replies

twosmallbuttons · 22/06/2013 22:44

I'm not quite sure how to even describe this in AIBU but here goes.

Every mealtime DH seems to eat enough for at least 2 people. I think he's forgotten what normal portion size is. When I express surprise at how much he's eating, he puts it down to not eating a proper lunch earlier, or some such reason.

I really don't want to comment all the time on what he eats, but I just sit there like Shock thinking how does he think this is normal?

DH has never been 'normal size'. Since the 10 years we've been together his lightest weight has been 16 stone (at our wedding). He is at least 3-4 stone more now. He tried a(nother) diet earlier this year but falls off it if he goes away on business, holiday etc.

I feel Sad too because it's affecting our sex life; I can't find him as sexy when he's so much bigger. I feel ashamed to admit this Blush as I know physical appearance isn't the bee all.

His family have health problems relating to their size & lack of exercise. He knows he needs to lose weight. I fear for his future tbh - the longer it takes him to lose weight the harder it will be.

I support him fully in his diets etc, make dinners for me & DC that can be easily tailored to fit his diet; don't have any crap foods in the house, etc, but it's not enough. I know this is a sensitive topic but I just want to help him get his energy & zest for life back Sad

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 23/06/2013 08:48

You need a little tough love here I'm afraid. People do pussy foot round food. Dh had an enormous appetite (And I do blame his mother for that and her inability to have portion control) - it has to be done subtly but he's opening himself up to diabetes, high BP, cholesterol, heart problems - been through all this with DH - two heart attacks, first at 41, several more scares - mind you he's lost 10 stone now and back to his normal self. Shame it took the heart attacks and stents to give him the shake he needed.

TempusFuckit · 23/06/2013 09:10

I've been overweight and lost loads more than once. No amount of pressure from anyone helped. It has to be your own decision. And once you're there, you have to find your own way of doing it. The cycling is a really positive sign though.

If he's tired all the time though, he may already be diabetic. The constant hunger may also be partly caused by thirst - and possibly sugar cravings. Get him to get checked.

Southeastdweller · 23/06/2013 09:10

I agree that it's time to stop pussyfooting around. He's jeopardising his health, his future, and his future with his family.

There was an article in The Times yesterday about how well men are responding to the 5:2 diet. Do try and get hold of a copy if you can. It might help to know that people like Ben Affleck and Benedict Cumberbatch are on it and doing well. I wonder if he feels dieting isn't the 'done thing' for men?

BsshBossh · 23/06/2013 10:08

Yes, I know quite a few men who like the idea of 5:2 and for whom it's worked really well. Even my fitness fanatic, non-overweight DH fasts once a week nowadays.

AmberSocks · 23/06/2013 10:16

is there really any need to go on a diet?could you not just cook some healthier dishes,maybe he just has a big appetite,if its healthy food hes eating then it wont matter as much if its big portions.

Original poster
twosmallbuttons · 23/06/2013 11:01

Amber I do cook healthy food, as I previously posted Confused

Typical meal is poached salmon with steamed veggies, plus either rice or noodles.

OP posts:
Mimishimi · 23/06/2013 12:00

Only cook enough rice and noodles at night to serve the kids. Get your carbs earlier in the day. Chances are if he has to cook them himself, he won't bother. With the cheese for the children, just get those cheese sticks and only put a few at a time in the fridge, the rest stored away. If he's a grazer, the less that is in front of him, the less he will consume.

Original poster
twosmallbuttons · 23/06/2013 14:55

I do feel that it's not really solving the problem, me keeping food hidden. It will no doubt help though Confused

OP posts:
Saidar · 23/06/2013 15:42

How would you feel about having to hide food twosmall?

Ragwort · 23/06/2013 15:48

You can't make another adult lose weight, as Chipping says, he must want to do it for his own sake.

No amount of hiding food/cooking the right amount/not buying treats/encouraging exercise will work unless he wants to do it for his own sake.

Surely if he wants to eat more than is provided he will just go and buy snacks from the shops? I have had weight issues the whole of my life, I am not stupid, I know I need to eat less and do more exercise - I have lost and gained loads of weight over the years, but it has to be my decision. Your DH will know he is overweight, but if he is not in the right frame of mind to lose weight and exercise more I really don't think any of these 'helpful' suggestions will work.

wigglybeezer · 23/06/2013 15:52

Would he try the 5.2 diet. DH and I are doing a gentle version of it where the only restriction is we cut out sugar two days a week. I have really noticed a decrease in the need to snack on sugar free days and we are losing a little bit of weight ( we only need to lose half a stone or thereabouts ).

Original poster
twosmallbuttons · 23/06/2013 19:25

Saidar I would feel very uncomfortable about hiding food. I don't intend to tbh. I will make more attempt to serve up correct size portions though and make just enough for that meal (goodbye batch cooking then!).

I'll look at the 5:2 diet again, we've both read a bit about it, maybe it will be easier for him to stick to.

OP posts:
Saidar · 23/06/2013 19:30

Sounds like you're doing all you can. Hope you find something that suits the family.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 23/06/2013 19:35

OP your DH is not overweight because of you. It sounds like you serve healthy meals and don't have loads of junk in the house anyway.

My SIL is a WW leader now but her DH is still seriously overweight. I have another friend who has a wonderful DH who just happens to be very big - again she tells him she is worried about it fairly regularly but it appears to make no difference. The desire to lose weight has to come from within, otherwise you turn into his mother/keeper rather than his wife.

Voice your concerns about his weight from a health perspective and support him if he does want to do something about it. I'm hesitant to suggest yet another plan to you, but something that worked well for me for a while was Paul McKenna "I can make you slim". It helps by working on portion size and only eating when hungry, rather than cutting out food groups and counting calories.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 23/06/2013 19:36

wigglybeezer - cutting out sugar two days a week sounds like a great idea, might try that one myself.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 23/06/2013 19:39

Could you persuade him to look at Slimming World? Ruling out any underlying illness - physiological or mental - that explains his appetite, that could at least give him a way to lose weight without restricting his portions.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 23/06/2013 19:47

I can only think of two options, really. Either you have a very honest conversation about your worries for his health and how much he is eating... or you only buy food one day at a time so there is literally nothing in the house to snack on (which would be mad!)

I feel for you - sounds like he has issues with food, and you can't get to the bottom of them for him unfortunately.

Original poster
twosmallbuttons · 23/06/2013 20:21

He's currently eating peanut butter from the jar and rooting through the store cupboard Sad I found it hard not to comment at all, especially when he asks if I want anything Confused

OP posts:
Ragwort · 23/06/2013 20:57

Your DH sounds like me Blush - some people just are addicted to food.

Is he bothered that your sex life is dwindling (can't think of a better word Grin) ?

I don't know how I'd react if my DH really had a go at me about my weight, however I am totally uninterested in sex - although my Dh doesn't seem put off by my weight ! I only know that I have had the usual chat from the GP about being over weight, but quite honestly, it doesn't bother me enough to do anything about it.

Saidar · 23/06/2013 21:04

I take it you've eaten your main meals of the day already twosmall?

You said you were hoping to talk to him tonight. Are you still thinking you might? I know as you said it's a sensitive subject, has he reacted badly in the past to you mentioning his weight?

It's hard, the person with the weight problem has to want to change, no one can do it for them. But it affects you all as a family, whether that's changes in how attractive you find him or him not having any energy.

CityTiliDie · 23/06/2013 21:10

Dont worry................ He'll be dead soon.

There is no reason to be over weight. All the shit excuses are just that. Shit excuses.

I was fat beacuse like your DH I ate too much of the wrong stuuf and didnt exercise enough. Then my mum died at the age of 69 for exactly that reason.

I lost lots of weight and now am lighter and fitter than I have been for more than 33 years. I am well within the accepted NHS limits for my height, can run 5k in 21 minutes, 10k in 45 minutes and am training for the Bridlington Half Marathon in October. I am 49 (male), work full time and have 3 DC.

Your DH can eat what he likes but he will suffer and very soon. Diabetes , heart problems, bowel cancer, restricted circulation, breathing problems, IBS etc etc etc

AmberSocks · 23/06/2013 21:20

Well he is obviously getting the food from somewhere else then,you dont get fat from salmon and veggies.

Theres not really anything you can do is there apart from tell him how you feel and hope he takes notice,like others have said he can only do it if he really wants to.

Im not keen on diets,we dont eat any diet things,everything full fat,milk butter,we eat loads of carbs (italian and spanish)pasta,rice,potatoes,none of us are big.I think its an attitude thing,and bad habits,you cant go on a diet forever,and if you can then it wouldnt be enjoyable.

How about hypnotherapy or something similar?I really do think these things are all in the mind,diets and slimming clubs only work short term.

forevergreek · 23/06/2013 21:26

Do you eat very early? You say he's snacking already. Would eating at a later time stop this?

We Don't eat until 7.30-8pm ( just finished this eve at 9ish) so no one snacks after ( or before as too busy especially when at work)

FurryDogMother · 23/06/2013 21:27

City, I think twosmallbuttons knows that her husband's eating patterns aren't the best - which is why she's asking for advice. No need to be quite so harsh in your reply? I too have lost a lot of weight in the past year (5 stone +) and I too have a husband who seems to be turning into The Blob before my eyes. I'm worried sick about him, and have told him that. All I buy is good, whole food, and I cook everything from scratch. What I can't control are his trips to the local shops for doughnuts, or his Guinness habit. He has to decide to change for himself, I can't make him do it.

I'm actually quite frightened, I have no idea what I'd do if he dropped dead suddenly - and he's almost 50, overweight (4 stone, I reckon), drinks too much, and still smokes a bit despite taking up vaping. Gets no exercise, either. I've told him, in a way that I hope didn't upset him, how much his lifestyle worries me, but no change to date. I have no idea what else I can do - so following this thread very closely and hoping someone comes up with soe good suggestions.

CinnamonAddict · 23/06/2013 22:34

OP, he has to realise that he cannot go on like this. If he WANTS to lose weight, I'm sure any method will work as long as it includes normal portion sizes and exercise he likes.

I can fully understand that you don't want to hide food. That's silly. He's an adult, he can get food from anywhere.

He needs a lightbulb moment. I had one and after that losing weight (and keeping it off) was easy. Because I wanted it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread