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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this couple I am withdrawing the invitation to our wedding?

50 replies

Castafar · 22/06/2013 10:27

I have invited the close friends of my brother to my wedding, because I wanted my brother to have a friend there, and also because this couple invited us to their wedding.

I've now fallen out spectacularly with my brother and he will not be attending the wedding. However his friends remain invited. They won't really know anyone else at the wedding and we don't socialise with them normally.

What do I do? I keep thinking it would be best if they don't come because

a) it will get my brother's back up and possibly cause a problem between him and his friend.

b) they're not great friends of ours. The only time we have socialised with them is when we went to their wedding.

C) they won't really know anyone else if my brother is not there.

It would be rude to ask them not to come now, I'm very aware of that. But I keep thinking how odd it would now be to have them there and we are having a rather small intimate wedding.

OP posts:
Tiredemma · 22/06/2013 10:29

Are you likely to remain estranged from your brother?

CadleCrap · 22/06/2013 10:29

Make up with your brother - life is too short.

Madamecastafiore · 22/06/2013 10:30

Why did they invite you to their wedding?

lottiegarbanzo · 22/06/2013 10:31

Presumably they know your brother won't be going, so are quite capable of arriving at the same conclusion themselves and pulling out.

Do they understand they were invited as 'his friends' more than because you attended their wedding?

usualsuspect · 22/06/2013 10:32

No you can't uninvite them.

Original poster
Castafar · 22/06/2013 10:34

I have tried for weeks to make up with my brother. He knows I am here when he wants to make up.

They invited us possibly because we happened to be on holiday in the country where they're wedding was being held, at the time of their wedding! I congratulated them, and they issued the invite (much later than the original invitations had gone out).

OP posts:
tumbletumble · 22/06/2013 10:35

I don't think you can uninvite them. However I can see they might not want to come but find it difficult to say so - and end up coming when neither they nor you really want them there. Hmm, tricky.

Agree with Cradlecap - make up with your brother.

Original poster
Castafar · 22/06/2013 10:36

No I don't think we will remain estranged for years, but it may take another few months for this to be resolved.

I don't know how they think I will have invited them - probably they will think it's because we went to their wedding. I haven't invited any others from my brother's group of friends.

OP posts:
Trills · 22/06/2013 10:37

Rescinding an invitation is rude.

You could speak to them and let them know the situation. Don't hint so you shouldn't come any more, but let them know what's going on.

Maybe if you speak to them they will help your brother to be more reasonable.

RoooneyMara · 22/06/2013 10:38

I think you could probably contact them to say, look, you may know that I have fallen out with my bro and he is no longer coming to the wedding, so I would understand if you wanted to decline the invitation as he won't be there - however if you still wish to come you would be most welcome, of course. And let them decide with no pressure.

You could probably word it far better than I have.

usualsuspect · 22/06/2013 10:38

if they are your brothers close friends,they will probably side with him and not attend anyway.

lottiegarbanzo · 22/06/2013 10:39

Well then, it's up to them. So long as they know your brother won't be coming they can make their own decision. Maybe they are quite happy to spend time with people they don't already know and you're projecting your feelings about that onto them. Whatever, they're grown-ups, they can decide, you can't uninvite them.

ParadiseChick · 22/06/2013 10:41

Just leave it as is. Who is to say you won't be making up with your brother before the wedding?

HighBrows · 22/06/2013 10:48

I would leave the invitation stand because you might make up with your brother or they might decide not to attend your wedding.

I would not revoke the invite.

Dackyduddles · 22/06/2013 10:51

Spend more time resolving the issue with your dear bro and less on the guest list.

MrsBungle · 22/06/2013 10:52

I'd just leave it. If you've not made up with your brother by then they will probably not come anyway.

Definitely keep trying to make up with your brother, though.

Lovelygoldboots · 22/06/2013 10:53

The invitation is neither here nor there. The fact that you have fallen out so badly with your brother should be the most pressing concern. Can you really not sort thingd out with him?

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 22/06/2013 10:54

I agree with cradle crap, life is too short to fall out, uninviting his friends is bound to deepen the rift between you and is probably a knee jerk reaction, you'll surely enjoy your wedding so much it won't make any difference on the day. Do they know you've fallen out with him?

TheYoniWayIsUp · 22/06/2013 10:55

When is the wedding? I would leave it until about a week before, and then do what RooneyMara says.

PavlovtheCat · 22/06/2013 10:58

See, the problem is castafar that I am now intrigued as to why you have fallen out with your brother to the point of him not coming to your wedding and him not fixing things even if you are trying. Is this in fact a stealth post where you don't really want to be talking about this couple coming, but, really, you want to spill the beans on your bustup with brother? If so, I am listening nosey

quoteunquote · 22/06/2013 10:58

If you want to build bridges in the future with your sibling, then behave like an adult towards his friends,

Be kind and great hosts, you do know these people, and they must be reasonable nice, so make a point of introducing them to people they enjoy getting to know,

If your brother does have a change of heart (life is far to short) then he will find it useful having them there,

also if you behave impeccable towards them , when your brother is sounding off, they will be able to put in a good word.

Don't create anymore drama for people to get in a huff about.

OwlinaTree · 22/06/2013 10:59

You can't un-invite them. Leave it.

LeGavrOrf · 22/06/2013 11:03

That's a great post quote.

What she said.

Original poster
Castafar · 22/06/2013 11:03

You're all right, I should leave the invitation as it stands. They are nice people and it would cause more drama if I now started talking to them about falling out with my brother.

I don't know if they know, but if they don't and my brother didn't want it to be common knowledge, I will deepen the rift between my brother and I by mentioning it to his friends.

I don't want to go into the falling out with my brother. Suffice to say I have tried and continue to try to resolve the issue. But if someone is not ready you just have to be patient. I cannot force him to make up with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Castafar · 22/06/2013 11:06

I am wondering who I will seat them next to and introduce them to. They are about 15 years younger than our friends group!

The fuss of the wedding is beginning to get me down. I completely see the upside of simply going to a registry office.

OP posts: