Help me, I am a truly awful Mother!

[peppapigmustdie]

According to dd1 because at the age of 13 she should be allowed to go to an all night beach party 25 miles from home.
All her friends in her Form class come from the same town as this beach is on, she is the only one from our City in her class.
I tried to compromise by saying she could stay in one of her friends houses or get the last train home and stay at my Mothers house which is 5 mins from the station ( DM would meet the train)
She has many issues which are undergoing CAHMS treatment at the moment and a huge part of these issues is feeling on the outside of life and in particular paranoia about her ( very lovely) friends secretly hating her. I have spoken to several of her friends parents and they are allowing their kids to go with a few of the parents doing regular patrols.
So aibu to say no, as all the other kids are only 10 mins or so from home but dd1 would be stuck after 10pm ( I don't drive or have any family that does either)
She is nearly 14 if that makes a difference ?

YANBU. I remember being invited to an all night party at a friends house when I was 15. Everyone was going apparently. My mum flatly refused and I was really upset and embarrassed. Anyway, at school on Monday morning, they were all looking a bit sheepish. It turned out that the parents were away and the house got trashed. I am so glad that my dear mum didn't let me go.

I remember going to parties on the beach without may parents knowing, how I'm still alive I don't know. Swimming in the Irish Sea and in dodgy lakes at 2am in October anyone? Maybe I was just lucky. I shiver when I look back at the dangers, and that was many moons ago, no drugs, some alcohol, and trustworthy people.

Yes, I was lucky.

Omg. 13?!?! Yanbu to say no. I find it quite shocking that its considered normal! Yoyr compromise sounds more than enough for a 13yo.

You're definitely not being unreasonable.
I find this very hard to believe, tbh-13? And its been happening for years. I would imagine that the other children don't stay normally and a group of them are trying it on this year.
When dd was the same age she was blue lighted to a&e after passing out from drinking vodka. Social services were informed, the police interviewed the mother of the house she'd been at, we were sent to CAMHS referral, etc. if you get a chance ask her CAMHS advisor- I'm pretty certain they'd advise it would be a massive misjudgment to leg her go, bordering on neglect.

Update, after consulting with her CAMHS worker I didn't let her go and she spent all of last night acting out against me. Either refusing to eat and meals or shouting how I was making everything worse for her.
I spoke to several parents of her group of friends and they were all going but I just couldn't risk it.
This morning I took her breakfast in bed and got in with her as I explained again why I had made this decision and she broke down and said she had been secretly happy that I had said no but felt "The normal thing to do was to hate not going and therefore me"
Three of her friends came over for Pizza and films this afternoon and told her it was a rubbish night anyway as they didn't want to drink or "go with" boys. They were just sat playing games on their phones and got their Parents to pick them up early to go home.
Thank you for all the advice Mumsnet is an invaluable sounding board when you need it.
Paradisechick she goes to the local school it is her group of friends that travel everyday as it is considered the best School in the area. She was placed in a form group with them all.

No 13 year of mine would be allowed to go to an all night beach party. I know what I was like at that age!

verytellytubby I didn't let her go.

My DD is nearly 16 I would not allow her to go to a all night party.

Peppa I'm glad you sorted it out satisfactorily and that your Dd is ok with your decision albeit under the angry facade initially :)

Well done peppa, I will bear in mind that they do secretly want boundaries when my DS is older, sounds like a good result for her and you.

Peppa, a fantastic outcome, well done for sticking to your guns and how wonderful that your daughter confided in you after giving you the teenage grief....

I am also a single mum, mine is 21 now but have been through all those things. sigh

Wish they'd give you a handbook at birth....