.. to wonder if we all wee outdoors in the same way

[5Foot5]

Since reading another thread today regarding children weeing out of doors, I have been musing on how one would supply practical instructions to a novice (or very young female) for having an al-fresco wee.

My first stab would go as follows:

1. Pull underwear, tights and/or trousers down as far as they will go.
   
2. Stand with feet as far apart as possible. (This will not be as far apart as usual because of your pants etc. being around your ankles)
   
3. Pull the aforementioned garments forward as much as you can.
   
4. Squat - but try to angle your body slightly forward so lady parts pointing downwards.
   
5. Commence wee but try to avoid full flow initially so that you have time to observe the trajectory and adjust position if necessary
   
6. On completion shake from side to side until all drops stop then adjust clothing.
   
   I suppose one should include instructions up front about choosing a suitable location (in much the same way that road crossing instructions always start with choosing a safe place to cross)
   
   Does anyone disagree strongly with the above? It would be interesting to find out if I have been doing it wrong all these years or anyone has any useful additional tips.
   
   Also how would one go about setting up safe environments and opportunities for a young person to practice this skill?

[storynanny]

Try a whiz freedom, better than a shee wee, doesn't leak , comes with its own snazzy bag .

[ijustwant8hours]

A tip from an adventurer, camp on mountain type was to pee on a high absorbancy nappy... Don't even have to leave the warmth of your sleeping bag....

[ConfusedPixie]

Seriously, just get a shewee. I use them a lot, have portable Johns too for emergencies but the shewee is really good. You just hold it against you (tightly, it does leak if you don't hold it tight enough and you go full flow) and then pee. When finished you shake it, maybe rinse it and shake again and then put into it's carry case which either you buy seperately or buy one with the travel case and extension!

[marriedinwhiteagain]

Anyone got any tips for french holes in the ground? What do you do if you need a poo.

The dc did al fresco wees for years - dd knew every putney drain at one stage - she was scared of toilets until she was 4!!

Mine always seem to splash and go everywhere - liking the sound of a she wee - where do you get them?

[MooseBeTimeForSpring]

Great company name for a "crap" idea

[ConfusedPixie]

Waswondering: they are the same as the johns, work fine for camping, DP and I used them on camp, mine lasted a few nights at least (for last thing at night and during the night pees!) and I used one in the car when we got stuck a mile from our house in traffic and snow earlier this year

You can use that brand without shewees, not sure about the peebol brand though.

Though as mentioned by somebody earlier, nappies work as well. Apparently you can get hold of the crystals that are in the travel john's for much much cheaper and then pee in bags but the ones I've found are the flower arranging ones and take a while to absorb the liquid so I'm not sure

[NorbertDentressangle]

PMSL at the 'Shit Box' on Moose's link.

Rules out any confusion as to what it's for I guess!

[FreshLeticia]

Hereyou are, pet, a portable pisser lol at that one.
Also oopslateagain I am most impressed. My DD1 can wee standing up. I can't as my ancient pipes flow gently rather than gush, so dribbling down thighs is inevitable.
I have weed all over Wales behind gates and hedges, tbh, it's much cleaner than most public loos. Trousers and pants only need to come down to just below bottom, squat and wee forwards between feet. easy peasy and I'm old and arthritic. Pulling them down to knees or further means they are in danger of being weed on.

[oopslateagain]

DD aged about 4 got caught short in the car once and I pulled over in a tiny country lane. She refused to wee anywhere near the road as she might be seen, so we had to walk partway into this field FULL of stinging nettles. I had to hold her up in a sort of crouched position, with her back against my chest and my hands under her knees IYSWIM so her bum would clear the nettles. But halfway through her loooooooong wee, she started slipping down. It was a race between her bladder and my shaking arms to see what would give out first. Her bladder won by a fraction; if she'd taken a second longer, her arse would have been toast.

[thegreylady]

I bought a she wee and recommend it. I keep it in the car and have used it in the country on walks but mainly in car. Park in secluded spot, sit on very edge of seat back to road and rug over lap. Pull trousers/pants down. Position she wee and hold with one hand. Pull clothes forward and pee. Sorted :-)

[ThoughtsPlease]

Thanks for the thread, looking for tips for the weekend's training seeing as I seem to have failed my DDs so far in the al fresco weeing department.

On a different note at least last year and this year they both passed their Yr1 phonics test.

Although I suspect a few people will be along shortly to inform me that the test means nothing and their energies should have been focused on learning how to wee outside.

[BreconBeBuggered]

1. Keep tissues about your person at all times.
   
2. Forget tights and trousers. They complicate things way too much.
   
3. Be prepared to brazen it out if you're caught midstream. If you follow step 2 above, you can simply drop your skirt hem, to minimal embarrassment for either party.
   
4. Nettles get everywhere. Avoid.

[Hobbknobb]

I find grabbing hold of a tree/fence with both hands and leaning back as far as possible I'd easiest. No splash back on shoes then.

[OhMerGerd]

Loving this thread. We wildcamp in Europe, so sometimes we have the car but no facilities for miles. I mention this to qualify the number and bizarre methods I am about to share in case you think we just rock up and piddle in public as some sort of kinky hobby.

1. In secluded off road ramble situations with plenty of cover - as OP ( excellent instructions btw).
   
2. In vehicle, on major road and usually with other cars parked lay by in fron or behind - open near side front and rear passenger doors to provide little cubicle effect. Sit in front passenger seat with legs dangling out of vehicle. Pull down any garments to knees. Lower bottom so sitting on sill with legs splayed to steady oneself and avoid stream. Hold garments to front to avoid any sudden gush or wind directing stream onto clothes. Piddle freely. Shake. Do not under any circumstance use paper or wipes and throw in the hedge that is disgusting!
   
3. On the side of a hill/ mountain/ grassy slope no cover and people every where . Sit on grass. Check for ants, bugs and spikey plants. Wriggle surrepticiously to lower garments. Yes, bare botty now in contact with grass. Wee slowly to avoid a flood and to allow soil to absorb. Have news paper handy to cover lap and disguise lowered garments by feigning a pitstop to read and relax while taking in the view should other folk ramble by. You're fooling no one but at least you're not smiling and saying good morning to entire families as you relieve yourself with arse on display.
   
4. In forest or dense wood. Lean back against tree. Legs splayed. Garments scrunched to side or pulled outwards and release the flow.
   
5. If you near sea or river and desperado with no cover etc ... Wade in to upper knees as if paddling with clothes trousers on as normal( u can gather skirt up to avoid it getting too wet but this is a pants on and possibly through trousers too methid. piddle slowly to avoid a huge spread on garments, and then swish around to 'rinse' . Walk out as if bottom wet from the paddle and get back to where u can change ASAP before you start to attract flies and animals looking for a mate.
   

All methods tried and tested. Method 5 really is a last ditch end of the day scenario.

[livingdownunder]

Jenny I'm with your sister.
I refuse to wee outside without hanging backside over a log. You eliminate any issues of worrying about where it's going to go.
More advanced individuals can use rock. :)

[paperclips]

Fond memories of Asian squat toilets, especially wearing those baggy fisherman trousers all the backpackers buy in Thailand, that tie at the top. You had hold of an armful of fabric, and always had to double triple check that the long ties were not dangling in your wee, or worse, other people's. Not good after drinking several strong beers.

[digerd]

My mind is boggling as to how those who can wee standing up manage to contort their pelvis into a position where the wee can spout like a hose pipe? I used to be able to do a back bend and walk in to grab my ankles, suppose that would work.
And the squat until bare bum is touching the grass? We did it with bum backwards and body leaning forwards in a crouch.

[digerd]

OmerGerd . Excellent instructions on survival skills in the wilds, and very entertaining.

[Splashsplosh]

Forget squatting or aiming at all - all you do is make sure you have a plastic disposable pint cup or two in the car/when out walking. Find a sheltered area, pull down trousers a little (if covered by coat then you don't even have to risk bare arse being seen), hold cup right 'under' and proceed. NB - make sure you either don't have more than a pint to pee or strong pelvic floor control. Then gingerly pull cup out and dispose of responsibly.

Did not come up with this strategy when young and shameless and the line for the portaloo was too long at a gig.

[Splashsplosh]

Just realised my username does me absolutely no favours here