.. to wonder if we all wee outdoors in the same way

[5Foot5]

Since reading another thread today regarding children weeing out of doors, I have been musing on how one would supply practical instructions to a novice (or very young female) for having an al-fresco wee.

My first stab would go as follows:

1. Pull underwear, tights and/or trousers down as far as they will go.
   
2. Stand with feet as far apart as possible. (This will not be as far apart as usual because of your pants etc. being around your ankles)
   
3. Pull the aforementioned garments forward as much as you can.
   
4. Squat - but try to angle your body slightly forward so lady parts pointing downwards.
   
5. Commence wee but try to avoid full flow initially so that you have time to observe the trajectory and adjust position if necessary
   
6. On completion shake from side to side until all drops stop then adjust clothing.
   
   I suppose one should include instructions up front about choosing a suitable location (in much the same way that road crossing instructions always start with choosing a safe place to cross)
   
   Does anyone disagree strongly with the above? It would be interesting to find out if I have been doing it wrong all these years or anyone has any useful additional tips.
   
   Also how would one go about setting up safe environments and opportunities for a young person to practice this skill?

[LadyBryan]

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

LadyBryan, I'm glad it's not just me!

[TheGashlycrumbTinies]

I'm with chickens on this, never have, and neither have DDs.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

I do it your way, but the trajectory of my wee is very inconsistent.

It was an absolute bugger when I was pg and trying to do wee samples. What with the enormous bum as well, it was a messy procedure

[foreverondiet]

When DD was little I used to:

a) put down trousers/tights/knickers
b) pick her up into a squat like position with legs higher that body facing away from me - holding her as far away as possible

This worked very well until she was about 5. Then too heavy.

In a tent I recommend travel johns they are amazing - always take camping - usually take a pampers bed mat to stand on though in case of any leakage. Take trousers off - stand on bed mat, hold travel john on tight etc.

[K8Middleton]

A she-wee for a birthday present? I think that's one of the most depressing things I've ever read on here.

Her you are, pet, a portable pisser

[oopslateagain]

If caught short outside, I wee standing up - trousers down to knee height, one hand out in front against a handy-dandy tree, other hand yanking knickers to one side. Lean forward as far as possible keeping legs close together, wee comes out pretty much like a man's, missing toes most of the time.

By 'outside', of course I do actually mean 'out in the country', not in Morrisons car park.

[toldmywrath]

Whereas I thought it a brilliant idea for a birthday present!

[Tanith]

Some of us don't

[LadyBryan]

I was on a ramble from uni once. No loos and open scrub. I was absolutely bursting for a wee. Seriously never needed a wee as bad in my life.

So finally about 3 hours after deciding I needed a wee (felt like 24) we came upon some bushes, so I dived behind. I squatted down to test the water (badoom tish) as to whether I could be seen.

My bladder clearly thought I was squatting to release and I just started weeing and couldn't stop so I just squatted there, weeing forever through my trousers.

Woeful

[Dorris83]

chicken, tanith et al... I would have been in your crew, until I got pregnant...
It's torture to desperately need a wee, but be physically unable to rush to get to the loo!

[Dorris83]

(on dog walks in the countryside btw, not randomly in a built up area or anything!!)

[Dorris83]

Oh lady Byron the shame!!! I've been there, when I was a kid I didn't get physically on the loo in time and weed a big puddle onto the floor. Mortifying.

[DownyEmerald]

Apparently when I was four or so I was the only girl at my childminders and I learnt to wee standing up.

Unfortunately it is a skill I have lost. I have tight hamstrings so am not very good at squatting which doesn't help.

Foxglove/dock leaves are a good substitue for loo roll.

[HaveTeaWillSurvive]

Just googled shewee - there's even special knickers!

[DownyEmerald]

oppslateagain
By 'outside', of course I do actually mean 'out in the country', not in Morrisons car park.

PMSL

[Jan49]

I just hold on no matter how desperate I am. I think I'd always hold on unless I knew for sure I wasn't going to be able to use an actual loo in the next few hours. I'd probably wet myself rather than actually attempt to wee somewhere outdoors.

I haven't got a dd, but the only time I can remember my ds being desperate and in the countryside he was extremely reluctant to go behind a tree and just held on til we reached a toilet.

[ijustwant8hours]

The first time dd had to wee outside she tried to copy her brother - that did not go well.

The second time, she did squat, but peed all over her trousers and stung her bum on something.

I fear that I am not a good wee coach....

[PeazlyPops]

OP your last sentence gave me the shivers.

[sydlexic]

I haven't either. DS was desperate once, I told him to go behind a bush, he said "what do you think I am, an animal."

[Stoneinwelly]

As I have a bladder weaker than Charles & Nigellas' marriage and am off to Glastonbury, hurrah, it's either a sheewee or a catheter. Are there DIY surgical kits available?

[5Foot5]

Just googled shewee - there's even special knickers!

Oh god yes! They are even approved by NATO. Who'd have thought it!

Mind you I can't wear the same knickers for a week, nor do I want to buy a pair for every day I am away. Some days, most of them probably, I will be able to last between facilities.

[drivingmisspotty]

Agree with whois. Pull clothes down to knees then squat as far as you can. Ie your thighs meet your calves and you can kind of sit on your ankles/heels. Most relaxing way only discovered it when I was travelling in Asia.

[trinity0097]

I have only weed outside a couple of times when a child/teen, I found the best situation was to remove all my clothes from my lower half and use the toilet paper that my mum always carried in her handbag for when she is caught short!

As an adult I plan my drinking to coincide with what I am doing, so if I know I will be away from a toilet I don't drink before hand to avoiding needing to wee!

[Jenny70]

My SIL swears by the sitting on log, with bottom over back edge - wee goes onto log and feet well protected by log etc. Haven't tried it myself.