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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SAHM to full time WOHM 'career' job. Got to make a decision.

26 replies

ArabellaBeaumaris · 21/06/2013 08:49

Background - had DD1 when I was 24, hadn't started a 'career' yet as been travelling/doing a MA. Stayed at home for the next 5 years, had another child. DC are now 5 in reception & nearly 2.

I applied for a grad scheme & something has gone wrong in their assessments I have been offered a job. It's about a 1.5 hr commute on public transport, min 1hr in the car. DP would go part time for the first year. He is looking forward to this.

I should feel excited but I feel sick. Suddenly sad at the idea of the end of stay at home mum-ing, playgroups, mooching around the park, all the usual. Afraid that they will find me out as I won't be any good! Worried that the commute is going to make it really hard & I won't see my kids during the week.

I definitely want to go back to work & it makes so much sense to go with this opportunity (except the commute). Talk some sense into me?

OP posts:
Original poster
ArabellaBeaumaris · 21/06/2013 08:51

Whoops didn't mean AIBU, meant to post in chat.

OP posts:
Dackyduddles · 21/06/2013 08:52

Firstly make that commute work for you, read, work, learn something, sleep.

Finally your dcs will love you regardless. Your not emigrating. You are allowed to mourn old life though a bit.

Helltotheno · 21/06/2013 08:53

Go for it. It's not going to be as bad as you think. You need to establish some sort of career and get skills under your belt and now is the time, especially if you have support with your DP going part time.
You'd be mad not to give it a go.

yabyum · 21/06/2013 08:54

Congratulations!

Embrace this fantastic new opportunity which many women would really give their right arms for.

HoleyGhost · 21/06/2013 08:55

Congratulations!!!

It is a massive change in your lives, it is natural to be apprehensive and excited.

Advice from one who has been there - consider moving nearer work so you have more family time. Look at youtube videos on excel etc to get up to date with the latest versions, read a book on assertiveness in the workplace as it will be a culture shock at first.

and enjoy it Grin

SkinnyDecaffGiraffe · 21/06/2013 08:57

Do it especially if your partner is going part time. It's your turn to work and his turn to do home stuff.

I'd be thrilled if my partner would consider working part time. Takes away childcare guilt when your job is demanding.

Roshbegosh · 21/06/2013 09:09

It will be hard to commute and work hard all day and come home to find the kids already in bed. Of course mooching around a park, nattering in a play group and making a bit of housework take all day etc is much less demanding. No doubt about it.
You will probably regret not giving it a try though since these opportunities don't come along every day and you will enjoy the mental stimulation and the sense of purpose. I know being mum gives a sense of purpose too but that won't go away. You might feel more like part of mainstream society not a boring women with nothing other than her children to talk about.
Think ten years down the road of days of domesticity and then the kids grow up and leave and then what?

aftermay · 21/06/2013 09:16

The only thing I'd worry about is the commute. Your DH going part-time sounds great.

Don't regret an end to mooching around. When I look back all I remember is the stress associated with getting them dressed and out of the house. Add to that the need to be anywhere on time and it wasn't exactly relaxing. I find I take these much better in my stride nowadays.

Of course you'll be up to the job. You haven't been their last choice, have you? :)

Original poster
ArabellaBeaumaris · 21/06/2013 11:22

Think ten years down the road of days of domesticity and then the kids grow up and leave and then what? this is exactly why I want to take the job. I don't want to be a SAHM when my kids are both in full time school, but by then I will be 33 with no real work history behind me. I am sure I could find another opportunity, but it makes sense to take this one. Just - argh!

OP posts:
MarshaBrady · 21/06/2013 11:24

The commute does sound hard, but otherwise it's sounds great and you should go for it.

09870987 · 21/06/2013 11:27

Go for it and well done on getting the job. They have chosen you over all the other applicants - so they believe in you. It doesn't have to be forever if it doesn't work out, but go in with a positive attitude and with your supportive DH I'm sure you'll make it work. Use commute to work/read/catch up on sleep. Really good luck.

Roshbegosh · 21/06/2013 11:32

If it really doesn't work out you could leave. You would have to give it a year though, at least, or your CV would look worse rather than better.

Original poster
ArabellaBeaumaris · 22/06/2013 09:47

Thank you. I haven't had great reactions in real life as very few of my mum friends work even part time & my mum thinks full time is too much but I can't really start out part time.

OP posts:
CharlotteBronteSaurus · 22/06/2013 09:55

it does sound like a great opportunity, and i think definitely worth giving a very extended (1 year??) trial

TBH I have never found commuting that stressful since having DC. Rather pathetically, I consider it me-time, and stick on a talking book or something.

I have recently increased my hours at work, and after a 3 month trial DD1 (dd2 is too small to get sense out of) said she was fine with it, so we carried on.

The one thing that I do think is important is to try and make the most of your weekends with the DC. Either get chores done on weekday evenings, lunch breaks for stuff like online banking/shopping, outsource them, or just don't do them.

mumofthemonsters808 · 22/06/2013 09:57

Go for it, opportunities like this do not come along very often. If it does not work out you can always leave. Sometimes the thought of change can be very daunting and overwhelming but the reality is very different. Give it a go, I would love to have this dilemma.

celestialsquirrels · 22/06/2013 12:17

Go for it. Give it a go. If you hate it, stop.
How nice to have the opportunity!

motherinferior · 22/06/2013 12:21

Congratulations!

Boomba · 22/06/2013 12:33

Going from SAHM to full time will be hard. It will feel like 'too much'. Be prepared for that.

But great opportunity. Well done

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 22/06/2013 12:35

It will be a bit of a shock to the system, but much much less than if you wait too long (10 years in my case)

Try it. See how it goes. Good luck!

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 22/06/2013 12:38

It is totally normal to feel a bit unconfident, but when you get back into it , you might well realise how much being a SAHM has given you:

sense of perspective
not panicking if things go wrong
assertiveness
problem-solving
negotiation skills
the maturity to ask for help

Being a bit rusty on IT is nothing compared to that

MummytoMog · 22/06/2013 12:38

I have a long commute, which generally I use as reading time. I could not be arsed with part time at all, most of the part time people I know end up doing a full time job in part time hours or working at home after the kids are asleep. I will say that the first year of working properly after uni was knackering, but then so is staying at home with my toddlers.

CinnamonAddict · 22/06/2013 12:42

You have been at home for too long if you think they made a mistake in their assessment Grin

Well done!

Can't you just give it a go and see how the commute feels like?

Maybe there are other solutions to the commute if the job turns out to be the dream job.

Go for it. I just packed in a 3 hours-round-trip-commute-job, and it was because that the job wasn't for me. For something I enjoy doing I think it wouldn't have been an issue.

thompson369 · 22/06/2013 12:50

Congratulations, go for it. I'm a WOHM with 3 DC. Certainly has its ups and downs and at times I have thought about giving my career up but have always chosen to stick with it.

I work for a large company which runs a grad scheme and believe me it is bloody tough to get a place - if you've been offered a place on such a scheme it is based on your merits and you will do just fine.

itsblackoveryonderhill · 22/06/2013 13:38

Just set yourself a time limit of say 6 months. If you still mourn for your sahm life, then just quit the job.

You may not get the job opportunity again, but you could easily go back to being a sahm.

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 22/06/2013 14:36

Don't panic or doubt yourself if it takes a long time to get used to it. I'd say it took me two years in my career to feel comfortable and settled with working life - and that was without having been a SAHM first.

Make that commute YOUR time. I used to hate mine until I started a masters on top of a 60 hr a week job. It then became the only time in the week I could fully relax and actually I found that I loved it for that!

Congratulations and well done.