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AIBU?

To send the little boy from next door home?

103 replies

waltermittymissus · 20/06/2013 15:39

DS1 is 6. This little boy is 5. DS2 is 2.

The little boy is always in here playing, either in the garden or in the house. That's fine. His sister comes in to play with dd too. And sometimes they go next door.

I get on well enough with next door. Coffees, BBQs etc and would consider the mum a friend.

However, their ds is the baby of the family. She openly admits to spoiling him to keep him happy/quiet (eg: the other day she opened a pack of cookies for the children and he ate them all because she just kept giving). No judgement, just a picture of what goes on.

His speech is also very, very bad. I think this could be relevant.

He is really nasty to my 2 year old. Doesn't let him play with his own toys, gives out to him constantly. In the space of 15 minutes I had to speak to him three times about shouting in ds2's face. One time is was because he was on the trampoline and ds2 was jumping on it?!

The reason I think his speech is relevant is because he speaks very like ds2 and I don't know if this makes him think they're the same?

I am always explaining to him that ds2 is younger/doesn't understand as much/just wants to join in but he's relentless and he's also getting worse, as in, more aggressive.

To top it off, if I bring ds2 into next door's he's not allowed to play with any of this child's toys unless he expressly chooses what ds can play with or unless mum says she told ds he could play, apologises to him and gives him a treat!

Anyway I sent him home today. I said that I couldn't keep having ds being upset or shouted at when he's trying to play in his own garden and I said he'd have to go home.

His dad was in the garden and so would have heard so before one of them comes knocking (and they will) WIBU?

Sorry for essay.

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IloveJudgeJudy · 22/06/2013 11:19

OP, I wouldn't even confront the other family. It will make life too difficult for you. I would just not allow the boy to play in your home/garden any more. If you don't want to do that, i would just send him home as soon as anything horrible happens.

As for I think you need to have him over less, but when he does come busy your 2 yr old with something else, words fail me. The only DC I never allowed back in our house was a schoolfriend of DS1 who was mean to DS2. It only happened once. He was never allowed back.

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ImperialBlether · 22/06/2013 11:50

He was annoyed with you because you sent his child home and his own personal free time was disrupted. He would've been just as annoyed if you'd sent him home because you were going out.

He sounds vile and if he used words like that about my child, I wouldn't speak to him again. I know you have to remain civil as they are neighbours but this man is not a friend of yours.

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/06/2013 12:13

If you do let this child come round again, I'd suggest setting the grou d rules right from the word go. Tell him that you expect him to be nice to your 2-year-old, and that if he is nasty, you will be sending him home. The fact that you have sent him home this time will mean he'll know you mean it.

You did absolutely the right thing - you stuck up for your own child.

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waltermittymissus · 22/06/2013 13:27

Thank you all for your advice and support!

I do feel a lot more confident with my decision since posting and I won't be backing down!

I won't turn him away if he comes over again but I will absolutely not tolerate mistreatment of my toddler!

FWIW he wasn't even 'in his way' he was bouncing on a trampoline!

I will update when they return from holidays. Usually mum would have messaged or said a quick goodbye but nothing this year.

Ah well. Maybe she was just busy in the lead up. Either way, I haven't done anything wrong so I'm not going to worry about their reaction overmuch.

I'm surprised they haven't been in yet tbh.

I know up thread there was a question re: the children in school. They've been up countless times about their children being bullied by children/teachers/staff/other parents. So far it all seems pretty unfounded.

Can't believe how much my eyes are opening!

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NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 22/06/2013 16:46

Could they be over protective of the child due to his speech delay?

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waltermittymissus · 22/06/2013 17:00

I don't think so Neo. He's their youngest of three but they're pretty much like this about them all.

For example: totally outing myself if mum is here! eldest DD stole a bracelet from her teacher who'd left it on the desk.

Teacher noticed girl wearing it and told her off, quite sternly I would think, took the bracelet back and mentioned the incident to mum.

Next day, dad has a meeting with the head to complain about the teacher's treatment of his dd!

That's a tiny example of some pretty off the wall behaviour (IMO)

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NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 22/06/2013 17:38

God why have you been so magnanimous to them!? They sound awful Walter.

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waltermittymissus · 22/06/2013 17:54

I'm not sure tbh!

Reading my posts I can't quite believe it. I don't usually tolerate bullshit of this magnitude!

I suppose I didn't really notice it because I'm just sort of used to it. And I've always been conscious that I have to live beside them and that my dc had friends to play with.

I'm not sure I want them to be friends now. But I'm willing to allow them to play here. Just a lot less often and with definite boundaries in place!

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5Foot5 · 22/06/2013 17:57

IME children without younger siblings are very often very intolerant of them.

TBH I always found the opposite to be true!

DD is an only and when she was playing at friends or with cousins where there was a younger sibling she seemed to like the novelty and wanted to include the younger child. Whereas it was the older siblings who seemed to be intolerant of their younger brothers or sisters.

Whenever she spent time with one set of cousins she always came home a bit bewildered about how much they fought and how the older cousin never wanted her little brother to join in with them

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cannotfuckingbelievethis · 22/06/2013 18:19

IME children without younger siblings are very often very intolerant of them.

My two (ds 5 and dd3) have only just started playing with a neighbour's son (6) and from what I've witnessed I would have to say the above comment does have some truth in it. Neighbour's boy can be very rough with DD (I pull him up every time) and I've caught him encouraging DS to be a bit mean to her too (thankfully he wasn't). But on the other hand this boy can be quite sweet sometimes and gave both DCs a toy from his room when they were playing together the other day. He's an only child, his parents have split up and his Mum has admitted to me that he's spoilt and isn't used to playing with other kids outside of school. I like that DS has a friend of a similar age across the road but I do watch him like a hawk with DD....

Oh, and you are most definitely not BU....

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waltermittymissus · 23/06/2013 16:55

Sort of update:

Mum's sister has obviously been recruited to mind the dogs as she arrived this morning while I was at my car.

Usually we'd do hello/chit-chat. I said hello this morning and was completely ignored!

I was cleaning out the car so was out there for quite a while. Came inside for a cloth and as soon as I stepped inside my house she ran out and jumped in her car

She was quite literally running and jumped into her car to speed off so I assume she was waiting for the right moment.

I can't quite believe, after seven years, it's come to this!

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ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 23/06/2013 17:55

What have you lost? Really?

So you won't be 'pally' with the neighbours? Fair enough. You also won't have to deal any more with a little boy who is unkind to your own child in your home.

I can't help thinking it's a good thing.

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waltermittymissus · 23/06/2013 18:15

You're right hecsy this is probably for the best.

I just never saw it coming iyswim. There again, I'm quite sure I don't need people like that in my life!

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hermioneweasley · 23/06/2013 18:21

No loss, waltermitty. And it sounds like it's inconveniencing her more than you!

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pictish · 23/06/2013 18:22

Makes you wonder though doesn't it, at the gall and mindset of some people?
I cannot even begin to imagine taking the self righteous huff with someone because they told my kid off for being rude. I'm the opposite - I'd totally view it as an opportunity to teach my child a well needed lesson in manners!

But to some...they view a refusal to put up with their kid's crap as a personal attack...like the arseholes they are!

It's no loss to you walter - but in your shoes I'd be hopping mad at them anyway. It seems so unfair to treat you like this, just for daring to look out for your toddler in the mildest way.
Pathetic really.

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BoundandRebound · 23/06/2013 18:41

She's visiting dogs to look after them while their family are away?

Dogs?

That is not OK either, they should be rehoused or kennelled not left alone

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waltermittymissus · 23/06/2013 18:46

They had asked me to feed them and walk them everyday so I assume she's doing the same?

They're not allowed in the house at all so I don't think it's that different to regular life for them anyway!

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RenterNomad · 23/06/2013 18:48

At least she doesn't want a confrontation. Mind you, who knows what she was told about you, you ogre!

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waltermittymissus · 23/06/2013 19:03

I can't even imagine Renter

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SarahAndFuck · 23/06/2013 19:54

Agree completely with BoundandRebound about the dogs.

That sister is going to have to be there every day OP. Make sure you keep a look out and do something garden orientated every time she arrives.

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waltermittymissus · 23/06/2013 20:56

Oh I'll make sure they're fed. Not sure what I can do about it if she doesn't take them out though. She didn't take them today

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SarahAndFuck · 23/06/2013 21:16

No, I mean so you can see if she scurries away again and ignores you or not.

She might speak to you sooner or later, and then you can drop something into conversation about what really happened, and the 'silly' comment.

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RenterNomad · 23/06/2013 21:19

I hope the sister's not under duress from her rather high-pressure sounding family/IL....

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waltermittymissus · 23/06/2013 22:00

No, I mean so you can see if she scurries away again and ignores you or not

Ah I see what you mean

I'll keep a look out for her tomorrow. But if she doesn't speak to me I won't lose any sleep over it!

I have to say I'm very pleased we'll be having a break from each other! Can only be a good thing at this point.

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Thepursuitofhappiness · 10/07/2013 08:42

Anything to update OP?

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