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AIBU?

To send the little boy from next door home?

103 replies

waltermittymissus · 20/06/2013 15:39

DS1 is 6. This little boy is 5. DS2 is 2.

The little boy is always in here playing, either in the garden or in the house. That's fine. His sister comes in to play with dd too. And sometimes they go next door.

I get on well enough with next door. Coffees, BBQs etc and would consider the mum a friend.

However, their ds is the baby of the family. She openly admits to spoiling him to keep him happy/quiet (eg: the other day she opened a pack of cookies for the children and he ate them all because she just kept giving). No judgement, just a picture of what goes on.

His speech is also very, very bad. I think this could be relevant.

He is really nasty to my 2 year old. Doesn't let him play with his own toys, gives out to him constantly. In the space of 15 minutes I had to speak to him three times about shouting in ds2's face. One time is was because he was on the trampoline and ds2 was jumping on it?!

The reason I think his speech is relevant is because he speaks very like ds2 and I don't know if this makes him think they're the same?

I am always explaining to him that ds2 is younger/doesn't understand as much/just wants to join in but he's relentless and he's also getting worse, as in, more aggressive.

To top it off, if I bring ds2 into next door's he's not allowed to play with any of this child's toys unless he expressly chooses what ds can play with or unless mum says she told ds he could play, apologises to him and gives him a treat!

Anyway I sent him home today. I said that I couldn't keep having ds being upset or shouted at when he's trying to play in his own garden and I said he'd have to go home.

His dad was in the garden and so would have heard so before one of them comes knocking (and they will) WIBU?

Sorry for essay.

OP posts:

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hippohugger · 20/06/2013 17:44

If they're friends, then you need to explain. But they do indeed sound unhinged, so possibly you need to buy blackout blinds and hide when they ring the bell.

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NicknameIncomplete · 20/06/2013 17:44

I wouldnt speak to mum. I would just stop allowing the child in for a few weeks.

Maybe when they stop getting a free babysitter they might wake up and see how horrid their child is.

I cant stand people pussy footing around their children.

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RenterNomad · 20/06/2013 18:11

Are the neighbour lady's problems anything to do with her H, by any chance?

That could also be a reason for his dismissive/putting-down behaviour to you and yours...?

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AvonCallingBarksdale · 20/06/2013 18:18

Bloody Nora - these people sound awful! There would be no coming back from a neighbour calling my DS a cunt!!! That's not "blunt", that's absolutely, totally and utterly unacceptable!

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PointlessPost · 20/06/2013 18:22

YABU ..but only for not sending the little boy back sooner

I found that my DCs always preferred shortish play dates when they were that age.

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expatinscotland · 20/06/2013 18:22

No, YANBU. I'd have a word with them about his behaviour, too.

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expatinscotland · 20/06/2013 18:27

You have been a mug. When the man called my child a cunt that would have been the absolute end of our relationship forever.

Now is your chance. Bar the child entirely and get these users out of your life.

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TattyDevine · 20/06/2013 18:29

Yep, at the "c word" point, no child or adult from that household would be welcome in my home, nor would I allow them to go over.

The C word isn't totally off limits to me; but in the context of children, it totally is.

End of >

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SarahAndFuck · 20/06/2013 18:36

Well he sounds lovely.

You did the right thing sending him home.

You are going to have to talk to the mum, say you understand her DH and her DS were not happy but he can't shout in your DS's face and that in future you will be sending him home every time it happens.

They will get the message. And good for you.

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TapselteerieO · 20/06/2013 18:49

Your home, your rules - you don't have to justify this - neighbour child and parents are unreasonable . You need to set boundaries, and ignore their existence as much as possible - your ds deserves to feel safe and happy to play freely without the neighbours interfering and upsetting him. Stay strong - but I would wait for the next natural opportunity to speak to the mother but not seek her out.

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Allalonenow · 20/06/2013 19:03

YANBU I wouldn't have the child back in to play in the house or garden. Your own children should come first, and they be able to play with their own toys without being upset.
Also, it sounds as though you are being used as a free childminder.

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formica5 · 20/06/2013 19:30

Your home, your rules. Tel the boy he can only stay if he is nice to your son. The moment he is naughty, send him home. And repeat every time.

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MerylStrop · 20/06/2013 19:35

the father sounds awful
the mother a bit weak
I dunno about "your house your rules" - this is about basic standards of behaviour. Being consistently mean to the person you have come to play with is not on. You can't let him pic on your DS in his own home
I would have a chat with the mother at another time
and avoid the father like the plague

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WilsonFrickett · 20/06/2013 19:38

YANBU at all. You need to stick up for your DS and model appropriate behaviour to him - like it's ok to take calm, considered action when people don't treat you well.

However nickname I do think it's a bit off to call a 5yo horrid. He clearly has communication issues and a completely shit father for a role model. His behaviour may be horrid, but I don't think any 5 yo is horrid.

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Floggingmolly · 20/06/2013 19:48

Never mind sending him home every time he misbehaves; don't let him in in the first place! How much shite are you prepared to take from these people?? They're not your friends.
Tell her to fuck off with her dogs as well... Total users.

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SingingSilver · 20/06/2013 19:51

It's hard because it's nice to be cordial with neighbours, but you need to set some boundaries OP. I would say, every three times he calls round, send him away twice (or obviously, all three if it's not convenient!) Start to make the friendships slightly less familiar, but don't give them anything gossipworthy to get their teeth into.

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Jestrin · 20/06/2013 21:03

Well, dad was very vocal just now out in the back garden

Mum's at work. He's just been loudly telling Little Johnny how I've been a bit silly and I'll be fine by tomorrow!

You heard that and did nothing?? Why didn't you go round and say 'Look I couldn't help but overhear just now....' and then tell him what really happened and that you won't tolerate your 2 yr old not being able to play in his own garden

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Jestrin · 20/06/2013 21:03

Bold fail

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Helltotheno · 20/06/2013 21:30

Sheesh op get a backbone! Nothing but trouble ahead here..

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bellybuttonfairy · 20/06/2013 21:49

Its not worth having an argument over. If mum says anything - just tell her in a non confrontational way that little johnny was on one at your house and that it was directed at your 2 year old so you sent him home as you thought it was best to seperate them.

If it happens again - dont go into details as she will get defensive, send him home and say that they just dont get on. In a couple of years they will grow and may be the best of friends.

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waltermittymissus · 20/06/2013 22:11

The thing is I'm usually very assertive but I am conscious that I have to live her. No chance of moving sadly!

Dad has been stuck at home after a work accident since last year and he has gotten progressively worse in terms of letting them away with stuff.

And actually, now I think of it he was bloody horrible to other neighblur's 4 year old at Little Johnny's party. Made all the children chant his name as the naughtiest child

I did stick up for other boy then and told him it was wrong, and I did tell him I wouldn't tolerate him saying that about my ds.

DH is abroad though so the only way I could have confronted him about today's comments would have been to take dc in with me and I don't want to fight in front of them!

OP posts:

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helenthemadex · 20/06/2013 22:25

calling my child an cunt would be the end of it for me, you did absolutely they right thing sending little johnny home I wouldnt be having him round again I cant see how his behaviour will get better when he has a bullying arsehole for a father and a jellyfish for a mother

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Mother2many · 21/06/2013 14:54

YANBU

I also have a little girl that does the same. In fact she won't go home, and we have to go get her mom to drag her screaming out of the yard...

You need to set boundaries so this child knows he can not treat your DS2 like that...

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StuntGirl · 21/06/2013 16:06

I wouldn't have anything more to do with them other than a friendly enough neighbour relationship.

And I sure as hell wouldn't let Little Johnny play tomorrow either.

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Journey · 21/06/2013 16:18

You were not being unreasonable sending the boy home, however, your view and phrasing of his potential speech issue is insulting.

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