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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Too much to expect from a 14 month old...?

28 replies

WhiteShakette · 20/06/2013 11:28

I take my 14 month old son to a weekly music/ singing action songs session in our village. (To be honest, I find it expensive for three quarters of an hour of singing 'Five Little Monkeys', but it's the only thing on in the village for his age group, and I don't drive, so feel rather isolated...) The children attending range from just turned one to those about to start school.

What I am wondering whether I am being unreasonable about is how much sitting down and 'obeying' one can legitimately expect from a toddler of his age. The woman who runs the sessions is rather strict, I think, and seems to get impatient with children who don't sit in a circle and 'behave' eg. wait to be invited to come into the middle and take a toy as part of a role-play song.

I think that might be fine for older pre-schoolers, who understand the concept of waiting for a reward etc. but it's starting to drive me slightly crazy to see the leader continually telling DS 'NO' and holding up her palm like a stop sign at him. He isn't disrupting the sessions or bothering other children at all, he's just toddling around outside the circle babbling to himself, or walking up to her and standing looking at her, because he's just started walking and doesn't want to sit on my lap for long chunks of time. I spend the whole time retrieving him, which feels a bit mad, as he isn't in danger or being disruptive. (I should add that other children also do this and are 'corrected' by the leader, but he's slightly anomalous in that he's probably the youngest mobile child there - many are a year or two years older, or are younger and not walking yet...)

Am I being unreasonable to think that a paid-for music session that takes children from babyhood onward should be a bit more realistic about young toddler behaviour? Or is she reasonable to expect a 14 month old to sit quietly when told...?

OP posts:
mrsjay · 20/06/2013 11:32

I think your baby is too young for it do you try and get him to sit down she sounds a complete nightmare though the music classes should be fun with a little bit of structure but not her barking out instuctions to a baby which he is, is there not a playgroup or anything you can take him too

NeedlesCuties · 20/06/2013 11:34

She is BU. Maybe she doesn't realise he's only 14 months old?

He's a toddler, he toddles about, he's exploring, learning about the world.

I'm assuming you aren't trying to teach him scales, how to read music etc at this stage, so please try to relax. He is doing nothing wrong.

I'd say it takes till around 3 years old to get them to sit down and pay proper attention.

YoniRanger · 20/06/2013 11:36

I know which session you are talking about and it just doesn't suit some kids at all.

DD loves it and has always sat through since 7 months old and she sits for nothing else. All the kids in her class sit too. But my friends DD won't at all so she stopped taking her.

FWIW they are not just sitting and singing, they are learning. DD was assessed as having language skills a year above her age and its nothing I've done! They are all words she learnt there.

She also is great at imaginary play because of it.

Crinkle77 · 20/06/2013 11:36

He may be a bit young for the class but to be fair to the lady running it if all the kids decided they wanted to get up and toddle about there would be chaos

kc77 · 20/06/2013 11:37

Hahahaha at the idea of my 14 month old sitting still for longer than 5 seconds, unless he's asleep, and even then he wriggles a fair bit! YANBU!

notso · 20/06/2013 11:37

DS3 is 14 months and just about manages to sit and clap through about 5 nursery rhymes before snack time Mums and Tots.
If there is a demand why not see if you can start a more relaxed group on a different day?

MolotovCocktail · 20/06/2013 11:41

OP, is it Rhythm Time, by any chance? Like another poster has said, this class didn't suit my dd1. Nothing wrong per se with the class; it just didn't suit her. I managed to take dd1 from 6mo-20mo when I just couldn't take my dd's curiosity seeming like it was disobedience. Fuck 'em and find yourselves another class.

WhiteShakette · 20/06/2013 11:46

No, it's not anything like a music lesson, it's marketed as 'fun with singing and rhymes for ages 1 to 4'. Which is why I tend to think she is the one being a bit unreasonable, or at least inflexible. It is a solo operation ( she tours all villages within 20 or 30 miles) and she is an older woman, so that it sometimes makes me wonder whether she is just exhausted from dealing with little ones. But that's not really an excuse for behaving like a traffic cop with a young toddler!

MrsJay, no, no local play group. That's why I like the idea of this music session, as DS s sociable and loves being around other children.

OP posts:
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 20/06/2013 11:52

Why don't you start a playgroup? You've got two years or more where DS will need a group to attend....this group doesn't sound great.

JADS · 20/06/2013 12:03

YANBU

The problem is that the age range is massive from a developmental pov and she is trying to impose 3-4 yr old behaviour on much younger children.

JackieTheFart · 20/06/2013 12:09

YANBU.

WhiteShakette · 20/06/2013 12:22

I looked into the possibility of getting a play group together, but the local village hall is the only possible venue, and is so busy that the only available daytime slots that I could make (I work part-time) are during my DS's nap time. I'll check again before the autumn schedule of classes etc start.

But good to know I am not n fact being massively U.

OP posts:
loopyluna · 20/06/2013 12:36

YANBU to think that toddlers shouldn't be expected to sit still.
YABU for paying for a structured activity when your child is too young and would be happier at a standard toddlers group (or a "baby" music group, aimed at under 3s...)

Don't feel obliged to do groups just yet. Your DS might love this group next year but isn't really ready yet.

mrsjay · 20/06/2013 12:42

what is public transport like where you are ? could you go elsewhere to find something else for you both as a PP said baby groups are not a must and you dont really need to go to them

WhiteShakette · 20/06/2013 12:50

This is all there is locally , Loopy, I'm afraid. Public transport is poor, MrsJay. I do sometimes take DS to another village play group on the bus, but buses are so infrequent I get there late and have to either leave very early or hang around that other village's two streets with a stroppy toddler for an hour and a half. Am earning to drive, but not there yet.

He does actually enjoy the music group, I didn't mean to suggest otherwise. He's quite musical and recognises all the songs when I sing them at home, and likes cruising around looking at the other children. The 'discipline' thing is more my issue, really.

OP posts:
cakebar · 20/06/2013 12:57

Lots of children that age will sit and listen. If they all got up all the time there would be no point in doing it. I go to a music group run by an older lady and she is quite strict but tbh the kids soon get it. Parents usually take their kid out into the corridor for a bit or go home if they wonder about. I guess parents that don't like that approach stop coming.

moustachio · 20/06/2013 13:02

all the baby groups i go to the toddlers are allowed to toddle about in the centre of the ring. A tiny talk, the woman was a bit arsey because they used to touch all her probs (Ie rubber ducks for 5 little ducks) but that's the nature of toddlers. Speak to her!

thebody · 20/06/2013 13:03

My girls would have loved this, my boys would have been bored rigid and hated it.

It's a leisure activity that he doesn't get and makes you stressed.

Why are you bothering?

WhiteShakette · 20/06/2013 13:08

Thebody, because we're newly moved from London, know no one locally, can only leave the village on infrequent buses, and the alternative is for DS to be home alone with me all day every day, bar going to the (deserted) local park. Believe me, if there was anything else on offer, I'd be grasping it with open arms.

OP posts:
kungfupannda · 20/06/2013 13:19

You're not in the south-west by any chance, are you? The very rare buses sound familiar!

prayingmantisgroupie · 20/06/2013 13:28

Urgh, I took my DD to a group like this, it was hideous. 1-3 year olds being expected to sit nicely in a circle for half an hour and bang tambourines. My DD was having none of it, she liked to run about, sing, clap etc. The woman running the class had perpetual cat's bum mouth and was constantly tutting so we left after two sessions. Luckily there's a ton of these things locally, so we signed her up for a different group, (Mad Academy), and she thrived. The first thing the lovely lady who ran it said was "there's no rules here, if they don't want to join in, if they want to run around, if they want to sit in a corner and play with the balls, that's fine. It's about them doing what they're comfortable with". It was wonderful and I'm very sad she's too old for it now. (I don't work for them, honest!). OP I totally understand your group is the only thing available, but don't stress yourself over it- it's not worth it and your LO won't enjoy it either.

sweetsummerlove · 20/06/2013 13:31

we went to a music with mummy /jolly babies class and I was shocked at a) the extensive mixed age range b) how strict she was. She made me very uncomfortable and I thought her sshhing and telling young children to sit was rediculous. ...and I told her so.

HappyJustToBe · 20/06/2013 13:31

That woman sounds a bit odd. I have never been to a toddler group where they have expected the babies to sit still! Quite the opposite. YANBU.

sweetsummerlove · 20/06/2013 13:34

Has to be said we were later invited by a friend to another class in another area and the teacher was amazeballs and im so glad I was convinced to go. it was the same franchise.....so goes to show its the teacher. Sounds like yours thinks alot of herself if she expects young children to sit down and listen to her intently!

Squitten · 20/06/2013 13:34

I took DS1 to a music group from about 6mths until he was about 1.5. That was the age at which he was no longer interested in sitting down and doing the songs/instruments and just wanted to run around. Constantly.

In the end we stopped going because we were paying a fair amount of money for what we could easily do for free in a park!