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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed that she blamed MY son!!

56 replies

howardbear · 20/06/2013 10:44

it's trivial but it's the most recent of a long list of things she does to annoy me, so here goes:-

took my ds to playgroup this morning and whist in the cloakroom my 'friend' and her ds came in, I was putting his coat and bag on the peg and I noticed her ds grabbing both hands of my ds, he was getting a bit agitated by his moithering and the next thing my ds was on the floor, banged his head quite hard and started crying, I went to pick him up and give him a cuddle and whist he was on my knee her ds started whining saying 'ouch my hand' etc his mum asked what's wrong with you (because obviously there was nothing wrong) and she did NOTHING to correct her son or make him apologise to mine and had the cheek to say 'are you boys being rough?'

i'm annoyed with myself for not asking her what she meant by that, my ds is NEVER rough, he's a sensitive little boy and did nothing wrong, her lad however is rough and doesn't leave my ds alone when he quite obviously doesn't want to be manhandled!

i'm not annoyed with the child, I don't know for certain if he pushed my ds over or if he stumbled because the lad is so much bigger than him and he was trying to get away from him moithering, but IAM so cross at his mum for not correcting his bad behaviour and then having the audacity to accuse MY son of being rough!!

OP posts:

TheRealFellatio · 20/06/2013 13:23

I am just amazed that the OP has used the word moithered three times in htis thread and I have never heard it before in my life.

pianodoodle · 20/06/2013 13:25

I assumed it was supposed to be "mithered" but has been written in the OP's accent? I'm Northern Irish we don't use either term so can't be sure!

User21276799 · 20/06/2013 13:25

therealfellatio

en.wiktionary.org/wiki/moither#English

We've both learned something

complexnumber · 20/06/2013 13:28

"We've both learned something"

I had to google it as well.

DoJo · 20/06/2013 13:32

Perhaps your son could benefit from a little more physical interaction with his peers - it certainly won't be the last time a child tries to play with him and he either needs to learn how to stand his ground or get involved with some more physical play as you won't always be there. If you are concerned about the way this child plays, there's no need to 'tell him off' just say 'oh - I don't think he wants to play just now' and move him away from the situation. By letting it carry on, I would probably assume it wasn't a problem if it were my son trying to play with yours, especially if it was just hand holding rather than anything overtly rough.

Lavenderloves · 20/06/2013 13:36

You are being a lit PFB, that's ok.
I think it takes time and experience to learn how to deal with things like this.

I would say loudly oh don't do that sweetie, you will hurt him.

Mum will then sort it out.

I always watched mine at playgroups, you can spot the problem children and step in.

thebody · 20/06/2013 13:37

Op I have 4 kids, child minded lots and work in a reception class.

One thing I have learned.

Never ever say ' my child would never do that' or be surprised by children's actions. The roughest can be gentle and the most sensitive plants can bite back.

They all can and they all will.

Original poster

howardbear · 20/06/2013 13:47

I have never said I want him to be punished.

I am happy it was an accident.

i'm just surprised so many of you think its okay for a child to manhandle another, and not say sorry when that child then gets hurt.

I wouldn't hesitate to apologise if it were my son.

OP posts:

babyhmummy01 · 20/06/2013 13:49

you don't know your child was manhandled - you admit you didn't see what happened.

YABVU to be so incensed by it all!

thebody · 20/06/2013 13:52

Because this young toddler grabbed your toddlers hands and your child ended up on the floor while this other lad told his mum that he hurt his hand.

Your attitude is that this other child wasn't hurt and so by implication is a lying unpleasant bully who needs disciplining from his mother.

They are toddlers!! They overbalanced, are demonstrative and can't judge their strengths or judge others feelings.

Get a grip.

imnotmymum · 20/06/2013 13:57

You have a boy...be ready for the world of primary school football...rugby..rough boys and girls for that matter my boy is generally not as rough as most and is a skinny mini but eh they learning about personal space

pianodoodle · 20/06/2013 14:23

I think your reaction is very disproportionate. It was an accident as you say yourself.

Original poster

howardbear · 20/06/2013 14:30

babyhmummy01 im not incensed, im just responding.

thebody I don't think that about this child at all, I am well aware they are toddlers, that's not what this thread was about, I was annoyed by the mothers reaction.

I will tell future over zealous children to be careful/leave alone myself in future, I just thought this was considered rude but lesson learnt.

OP posts:

Lavenderloves · 20/06/2013 14:33

It's rude when they bite, scratch or mark....

You have it all to come :-) and yes your own will be an offender.

imnotmymum · 20/06/2013 14:55

I will tell future over zealous children to be careful/leave alone myself in future,
Do not do that OP please for the sake of your Sons social life as he grows up. I appeal on his behalf

Boomba · 20/06/2013 15:03

Or maybe you could concentrate on socializing hour son, so Je can cope with children who have different personalities to his own

WorraLiberty · 20/06/2013 15:09

Huge over reaction on your part OP

Just because your child isn't rough, it doesn't mean he can never be rough, or a bit less gentle than he normally is.

But even if your child wasn't rough, does it really matter?

Two 3 year olds were arsing about, one ended up on the floor...the other ended up with a sore hand and no-one saw what happened.

I'm surprised you gave it another thought after it happened.

User21276799 · 20/06/2013 15:12

Agree with Imnotmymum - for the sake of your DS's social life (and your own too), I'd really hold back from commenting unless it's quite an extreme situation. You won't find many other mums on your side from my experience.

I know you think your friend was rude, but to be absolutely frank I find mums who are over sensitive about this kind of thing pretty rude too. When DD was very little (about seven months) and just started crawling, she would occasionally grab faces. She had no idea what she was doing (I still told her no and intervened if I could get there in time) but some mums would act as if she'd deliberately tried to gouge out their child's eye, get into a huff, make loud noises about her being too rough. It's quite upsetting to be on the receiving end of undue criticism - and the 'be careful/leave him alone' type attitude would get my goat.

I got a bit fed up (as did other friends at the same playgroup) and DD just played with the kids who could give as good as they got until she grew out of it. She's brilliantly robust now and isn't fussed by the odd knock. I'd much prefer that than having mollycoddled her against every babyish swipe.

SoleSource · 20/06/2013 15:15

Maybe your child squeezed the other child's hand in self defence or something.

I think you are both unreasonable.

pianodoodle · 20/06/2013 15:28

Toddler's are remarkably resilient if you let them be. If you jump on every little thing you'll make a rod for your own back.

Bumped noggins are part of everyday life I think my DDs head has caused more damage round the house than it has sustained to be honest. It's a big wrecking ball of a head :D

MrsMook · 20/06/2013 15:59

It's not worth stressing over.

My friend narks me occasionally. He has a DS age 3, mine is 2. They frequently get into conflicts over trains/cars etc. When it's just the two of us mums together, we know they give as good as they get, and let them get on with it. We intervene when we clearly see something, but they also have to learn for themselves. I'm not pretending mine's an angel, and being younger, he's hit the snatching, possessive phase which theirs is growing out of. A year ago it was their DS doing it to mine who was 1. Their DS is more inclined to whinge over something than mine. I also have seen him tell a story that my DS did something that blatently wasn't true as they were doing different things. Where I get bugged is that the dad always believes his DS when it's 50:50 over whether it was true, and he forgets what his DS was like when he was the same age. But it's really not worth getting into an argument over- that would bring us down to the toddlers' level.
Oh it's going to be fun in a couple of years when our DS2s are both 2 and their DBs are 4&5...

Norfolknway · 20/06/2013 16:08

YABU

you should've intervened, you saw what was happening.

Original poster

howardbear · 20/06/2013 16:24

boomba that was out of order, you don't me or the way I bring up my son!!

worraLiberty I didn't over react at playgroup, I didn't even react, just cuddled my son and they left, it was on my way home I thought it was wrong, im overthinking it know because of this thread!

somanystripes I don't mollycoddle my son, this is one incident in 3 and a half years that I have had a problem with, I would like him to be a tough, robust little thing to, but he's not!

I have never intervened when other people's kids have been rough etc, but today got to me, I think this mum was rude even if you don't.

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 20/06/2013 16:29

It's just what goes on at playschool,you can't make a drama out of every bump, stumble and push.

Don't sweat the small stuff

piratecat · 20/06/2013 16:35

well, you're aware of previous rough behaviour of the other little boy towards others, and this has really wound you up I'd say.

Yabu to feel annoyed with the mother if she didn't see, but yanbu if she continuously ignores his behaviour, and this causes rough play.

It's hard when others don't dicsipline, or don't even seem to notice. At playgroup he'll hopefully learn (the other boy) about boundaries and behaviour.

You know your son, and I'd just forget about it tbh. Really not worth getting too upset about in the long run.

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