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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to think HES being unreasonable

31 replies

sweetsummerlove · 19/06/2013 21:53

I work 60 hrs per week. Care for DC full time- DC is bad sleeper.

DH thinks we should be having sex 2-3 times pw

I think thats unreasonable given his workload is less than half mine so can't possibly fatham the tiredness.

I think once pw unless the mood takes us is reasonable.

first aibu post. be nice!

OP posts:
RiotsNotDiets · 19/06/2013 21:55

YABU

once a week ffs

....once a moth is excessive.

Gonnabmummy · 19/06/2013 21:58

Yanbu you should have sex when both of you feel up to it not just because he wants too. Me and DP both work 48 hr weeks but split shifts we are always nackerd and rarely have sex once per week! Sometimes he may want to I don't, sometimes the other way. It's not a one sided thing.
We are currently preg with first and all I can say is thank god we conceived the first month because one week of everyday around obv was murder! Haha we felt like dying by the end. I say when the mood takes both of you let it happen not on a rota/set amount of days type
:)

Scrubber · 19/06/2013 21:59

I'm with Riots!

Shutupanddrive · 19/06/2013 22:00

YANBU, I would rather go to sleep! Blush

Purple2012 · 19/06/2013 22:01

He should feel lucky at once a week. We don't manage it that often but that's because we work crappy shifts so don't spend a lot of time together! Although it's our wedding anniversary tomorrow so I'd best make an effort!

Pigsmummy · 19/06/2013 22:01

You work 60 hours per week and care ft?

UniqueAndAmazing · 19/06/2013 22:02

fucking hell!

Yanbu with knobs on!

tell him to have a wank.

Original poster
sweetsummerlove · 19/06/2013 22:04

yes pigs, dc comes with (trying not to out myself! )

Thaaaaaank youuuu MNetters. been lingering (secretly addicted to aibu) I knew we were on the same page. Think OH needs a reality check yes?

OP posts:
ihearsounds · 19/06/2013 22:04

i think that main issue is that he needs to man up and start taking care of his family. This includes more than bringing in a bit of cash. It includes parenting your children. They are his children, and he needs to start parenting them. Why should it be down to one person. He enjoyed the fun bits, wants to continue to enjoy the fun bits, well he also has to start dealing with the hard, boring bits.. There shouldn't be an option about this either.

Original poster
sweetsummerlove · 19/06/2013 22:05

shutupanddrive ..im with you!

OP posts:
ChaoticTranquility · 19/06/2013 22:06

I think thats unreasonable given his workload is less than half mine so can't possibly fatham the tiredness.

YANBU If he wants any chance of you agreeing to have sex more than once a week maybe he should look at reducing your workload.

Original poster
sweetsummerlove · 19/06/2013 22:08

TBF he is a v.good dad and pulls his weight around the house so really can't slate him on that front, and despite shorter days is main breadwinner.

literally just a debate over sex life that's annoying!

bottom line is priority:

food

sleep

sex.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 19/06/2013 22:09

what chaotic said.

also tell him that only abusive men pressure their oh for sex. (long stare)

margaery · 19/06/2013 22:13

tell him that women are more likely to put out if they are relaxed. So he needs to care of DC, do all housework, cooking, paperwork, back massages, nice chit chat, work more so you dont have to work 60 hours, and then you MIGHT feel like doing it.

UniqueAndAmazing · 19/06/2013 22:19

I work 6 days a week and dd comes with me.
dh comes in at lunchtime, makes my lunch and takes dd away for a bit while he does it.
he gets up at 5.

we've had sex twice in 18 months.
he's not exploding...

Dahlen · 19/06/2013 22:27

Who is earning what is irrelevant unless you are working 60 hours pw for £50 or something.

What is 'normal' for sex is also irrelevant. Compromise doesn't really apply to sex, since unwanted sex is actually rape. I know it's not really that black and white, but for shock value it may be worth just saying that.

Has he heard of the hierarchy of needs? Does he realise that if you get adequate food, sleep and rest you are more likely to be jumping him at every given opportunity.

In which case, surely the real question is what you can both do to your lives to ensure that you are getting more sleep and nourishment. Sex will follow naturally thereafter.

LivingThings · 19/06/2013 23:13

My DH works away so all childvare (preschoolers. X2) falls to me, plus all cleaning, shopping, etc and I also work 3 full days with 40 mike commute each way. Sex once every few weeks but since DH hit 40 its like hes having some mid life crisis. Constantly on about sex like some desperate teenager and groping me all the time. I hate it and to be honest its pyt ne totally off. (sorry just hijacked thread!) anyway basically we dont do it much!

Dahlen · 19/06/2013 23:17

Why is it so hard for some people to understand what motivates others to have sex?

People who are happy, refreshed and who feel desirable and fulfilled are much more likely to want sex. People who are put-upon, stressed, knackered and subjugating their needs for the greater good of their family are less likely to want sex.

McGeeDiNozzo · 20/06/2013 05:33

YANBU - sex quotas are always ridiculous.

Embracethemuffintop · 20/06/2013 05:48

I am quite Shock that people are having such little sex! I have four DCs, homeschool, work part-time, and my husband works from home 50 hours per week. We do have sex once a day or every other day. It was probably a little less when he worked away from home as now he can have cheeky breaks Blush. I do agree on the one hand that you should only do it if you want to, but on the other we both find that we make the effort for the other (unless we really, really don't want to), because the not-completely-up-for-it one always gets into it. Hey, that might just be us, we've been married for 17 years so this works for us. But I must say I would be miserable if my guy only wanted to do it once a week.

Embracethemuffintop · 20/06/2013 05:55

Livingthing - since DH hit 40 its like hes having some mid life crisis. Constantly on about sex like some desperate teenager and groping me all the time. I hate it and to be honest its pyt ne totally off

My DH is like this, and always has been. I love it and if he ever stopped I would be very worried. Are you not flattered that he is so into you? Isn't it a good thing that he still sees you as very sexually attractive?

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn · 20/06/2013 06:08

Embrace, are you kidding?! How is it sexy to be pawed at like a piece of meat?

Bully for you for managing sex almost every day, but I think you will find you are an exception, not the rule.

Embracethemuffintop · 20/06/2013 06:20

Frank I don't 'manage' sex everyday I like having sex everyday. Am I really the exception? I have just never found tiredness or stress to be a prohibitor to having sex - it normally is something I find makes me feel better/happier even when I am not feeling great. I am really not trying to be smug, just a bit surprised that people have sex so little and consider their partner giving them a grope being treated 'like a piece of meat'. I just don't get that.

maddy68 · 20/06/2013 06:31

Tbh you sound a bit of a loon for even suggesting it!
It's you that has the issues with her not you bf, she has stepped on. Good on her.
I am sure if you met her objectively now you would think she us s nice person too!
You were children when you fell out. It's not her fault you felt she was your dads favourite.
Honestly I think you need to grow up. So she did unpleasant things when she was a child. Haven't we all?

You a&e both adults now. What is to be gained by unpleasantness. It's in the past. Don't let the past spoil the future.
If you tell him to stop. If I was him I would heave. That's a very controlling and untrusting thing to ask him. U would be straight off!

maddy68 · 20/06/2013 06:32

Sorry wrong thread!!! Lol