To think that anyone going off on an exciting far flung foreign parts holiday should be forced to shag Bernie Ecclestone until his eyes pop out

[HoneyDragon]

Or

You could go off and donate some blood before hand instead, as they might not want it for a while afterwards.

Or if you're able to donate and haven't before you could go along anyway and seethe at all the people going on nice expensive holidays.

And if sex with Bernie or blood donation doesn't put the wank in your badger you could always email the nice people at Anthony Nolan and they'll send you a gorgeous tube for you to spit into, and a pre paid envelope to send it back.

G'wan you know you want to

What? I don't follow.

I'm not going on holiday to Forn Parts but I have spat for Anthony. I may consider donating blood in about 3.5 months time.

Oldi

Some trips to interesting places can prevent you donating for several months, like tattoos and piercings.

So if you are off to one of those fabulous places than its best to donate before you go

Excellent Pascha. I went today, and they were reminding people so thought I'd pass the reminder on.

The spit bit lost me? Am I being thick?

Ahh! Unfortunately I'm not eligible to donated anyway, that could be why the reminder passed me by. Please don't say this means I have to shag Ecclestone

No.

I have excluded those who can't donate from shagging the leathery weasel.

Spit in a tube to get yourself on the bone marrow register. That's all you need to do and if you are a match they'll contact you

I have a blood donor appt next week. Hope that's okay? And I'm on the NHS bone marrow register.

Blimey well if tattoos and piercings prevent you from donating then pretty soon there will be a major blood bank shortage across the western world, and not a drop to be found in the UK at all.

No Fell. If you have been tattooed or pierced within 4 months they don't want you. After that you're fine.

I'm tattooed and pierced.

Tattoos and piercings only prevent donation for a limited period of time.

In England it's 4 months before you can donate but you need to highlight it for 12 months.

I think I'll give Bernie a miss...

Unfortunately I'll also have to give blood donation a miss because my blood is so low in iron that a drop of it will probably propel any magnet in the opposite direction. And with luck the magnet will hit Bernie.

Ah well, you'll have to squeeze out a few drops on my behalf, HD.

Thanks for reminding me about the iron. I take a multivit + iron tab for about a week in advance just to make sure my iron levels are over the minimum.

Do you know what the minimum iron levels are?

I tried to donate blood last month and they told me they didn't have any slots available. Bah. Although I suppose that's encouraging in itself. I need to have another look for the next local date. Not that I'm off anywhere excitingly exotic at any point in the forseeable future.

Will do Kniddy.

I shall ask them to take it on your behalf when I next go in October.

I LOVE the iron test they do when you go. It's so cool.

What a vile, vile thought! Mr Ecclestone is a bit too short for me as I am quite tall. The thought of being intimate and his toenails scratching my kneecaps is quite upsetting.

I do give blood though.

I am forgoing the trip to forrin parts (of all kinds including Bernie's) but you can have a pint of my O neg just as soon as the baby will eat solids. No sign yet though

Minimum iron levels = 125g/l for women and 135g/l for men prior to donation. From NHS website.

K8

Have you tried mashing a steak slice with a drop of fruit shoot?

Tolliver, that's brilliant for your local area' you can book and register online to get a spot if that helps?

I failed the iron test last time. It was most humiliating.

125g/l for women? Excellent, I'm half way there!

It's ok motherinferior, I was rejected on my last donation as it was FREEZING and my veins refused to play.

Had to do the walk of shame past the retro biscuits and naice crisps

And the time before I felt incredibly feeble afterwards - the van was in the Sainsbury's car park and after a while of lounging around crisp-eating I took the Inferiorettes into Sainsbury's while DP was giving his blood and I nearly passed out in Sainsbury's while insisting on buying some hair dye

Then I went back into the van and had to lie with my feet up opposite DP whose blood was refusing to flow - the nurses were practically squeezing his chest to get enough out. I felt extremely embarrassed about our mutual patheticness.

I am a health journalist btw