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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a teacher should not tell the children to go and have a wee in the churchyard?

161 replies

ThoughtsPlease · 19/06/2013 16:46

After lunch the children were rehearsing a play in the church a two minute walk from the school. They did the whole play once, and DD who is 7 waited until they finished to say that she needed the loo. The teacher asked the other children, about 15 in total, if any also needed the loo, about 7 children said they did, and the teacher told them all to go outside in to the churchyard and find a bush to have a wee behind!

DD is not familiar with outdoor weeing, and the result was that she managed to wee on her pants, socks and most importantly to me as they are now in the bin all in her school shoes!

AIBU to think that a member of staff should have taken the children back to school to go to the loo, there were two members of staff in the church.

OP posts:
MissAnnersley · 19/06/2013 20:15

I would not be happy with this at all.

Yanbu.

I can't imagine ever doing this with a group of children when loos are just two minutes away.

Strange.

crashdoll · 19/06/2013 20:39

Not sure why you've got such a hard time. YANBU!
However, YABU for throwing the weed on shoes away, what a waste!

Original poster
ThoughtsPlease · 19/06/2013 20:41

I like the teacher and I like the school, I really don't want to make a great fuss over this.

I think you are right it is probably a one off, so I think that I'll tell her to ensure she asks to go to the loo before they go, not just if they are all told to go. And in the event she needs to go while there, to say that she would like to go back to school not the churchyard.

I would be surprised if they knew that they would be gone for 2 hours though, so she may not have thought about it.

OP posts:
Turniptwirl · 19/06/2013 20:43

A lot of churchs don't have toilets

I don't think a teacher should be encouraging kids to wee behind a bush in a church yard 2 mins away from school toilets. I'm surprised there was no plan for what to do in this situation as surely anyone can predict at least one child would need a wee at some point!

Do try and teach her to wee outside though as another time it might actually be the only option

Hasitfallendownagain · 19/06/2013 20:50

YANBU at all, I wouldn't have been happy with any of this (though probably wouldn't have binned the shoes).

I know my DD would have been extremely upset if she'd been told to wee behind a bush. I don't think my son would have been happy to do it either, especially in a group of classmates.

poor planning and bad decision on the part of the teacher(s).

Kithulu · 19/06/2013 22:23

Well if they went straight after lunch then they would have all used the toilet during their lunch break. Lunch break is when children should use the toilet, not lesson time. On a normal school day a teacher would not expect them to be dashing out of class to wee.

How does your daughter feel about this now though? Has your disgusted reaction put her off alfresco weeing for life??

Original poster
ThoughtsPlease · 19/06/2013 22:33

Who said I had a 'disgusted reaction'?

I don't know whether she went to the loo during lunchtime break, but normally they would at school mid afternoon and there is a break, around the time that she needed the loo, so she would have gone then.

I would think that the children did not know that they were going to the church for 2 hours, maybe the teacher didn't know exactly how long they would be, but she would have had a better idea than the children and should have probably said we may be a while does anyone need the loo before we go. Even so children may well need the loo again anyway depending on how much they have been drinking.

OP posts:
ReallyTired · 19/06/2013 22:37

It is not respectful to wee in a church yard. The dead deserve far more respect.

Surely toilet stops need to be better planned with a school outing. Seven year olds should be able to manage without the toilet for two hours if they all go to the toilet before leaving. (Baring special needs)

TimeofChange · 19/06/2013 22:46

I went on a school trip as a parent helper 20 odd years ago.
There were no loos, so boys went for a tiddle behind one lot of bushes, girls behind another lot of bushes.

My granddaughters go to Rainbows and weeing alfresco is a skill that they all have to learn for their torchlight walk across fields in the dark.

They had great fun practising in the garden.

I don't expect the spirits in the grave yard mind the tiddles.

Fakebook · 19/06/2013 22:59

Haven't read the whole thread, but you threw away shoes because she wee'd in them?
Why can't you wash them and dry them? shoes are made to be waterproof, unless she wee's 5M hydrochloric acid and its eaten through them.

The churchyard thing is another issue. Yes it is disrespectful but shit happens. It's happened now. Tell your dd not to do it again, even if the Teacher suggests it.

bonkersLFDT20 · 19/06/2013 23:09

I am all for al fresco weeing, but would never do so in a churchyard or allow my children to. Very disrespectful.

Dawndonna · 20/06/2013 00:03

I think this disrespectful stuff strange, the dead are dead, they aren't,t going to worry about it. You could say the same for the pyramids and many other holy sites,the only difference is time.

Valdeeves · 20/06/2013 00:26

Funny one this - me personally I'm from the country and have been al fresco peeing all my life ( wouldn't have coped with last pregnancy if I couldn't as my pelvic floor was on the floor) - my son is an absolute pro at it too as we are frequently outdoors and there's no loos etc.

However I am also in the teaching profession and I think it boils down to the fact that she should have prepped the kids and taken them before then built in a loo break in the middle. No need for kids to wee in a church yard ( I agree, not really appropriate)

Not the end of the world that they did though, I honestly wouldn't make fuss - that teacher will be spending hours doing that play with the kids - she'll probably build the set, costume etc - if you complain she'll get into trouble.

Not what you want really is it???

Valdeeves · 20/06/2013 00:27

Not when she's probably doing that play in limited time and under pressure? Hence the quick wee break???

exoticfruits · 20/06/2013 06:59

I don't think she was suggesting weeing on the graves!!

valiumredhead · 20/06/2013 07:33

Interesting point about the pyramids.

ExcuseTypos · 20/06/2013 07:59

YANBU.

It's just gross to let a whole group of children pee in a churchyard. I'd be really cross if my children had been told to do this.

I also thought that as some of them were 11, there could very well have been girls having their periods. Not nice to be told to pee outside on that situation.

The teacher should have ensured they were able to go back to the school. If it was only down the lane they could have jogged down there and been back in 5 mins.

I would phone the school and tell them your dd spent all afternoon in wee soaked clothes and shoes.

And people saying 'how come at 7 your dd doesn't know how to pee outside.' What the heck are you on about? Last time I looked there were toilets all over the place. Unless there is a SN, or under the age of 5, the vast majojity of children should be able to wait 5 mins until you get to a loo.

megandraper · 20/06/2013 08:09

It's disrespectful to wee in a churchyard IMO. Churches all have loos, don't they? All the ones I've been to have.

Embracethemuffintop · 20/06/2013 08:12

I am surprised the kids agreed to it. My kids have always been fine about going to wee behind a bush or in our garden, but I know many kids who would be very upset by it. For that reason I think YANBU because the teacher should know that not all the children would be ok about it.

bonkersLFDT20 · 20/06/2013 10:34

Dawndonna I wouldn't wee at the pyramids either!
We bury our dead in church grounds as a mark of respect to their life.

I'd be disgusted if I saw anyone wee in the woodland burial site where both my parents are buried. I go there to have some quiet time to think and remember.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 20/06/2013 10:53

I think YANBU. If they were at the church all afternoon there should have been proper provision for going to the toilet. Is there a church hall nearby? If so I think the teachers should have arranged access to that to use the loo there. If not then they should have arranged to take everyone back to school for a mid-session loo break.

I don't think 7 year olds should pee in public unless there is no loo nearby; in this case there was one. Potty training toddlers are different but even then I do think a church yard is a disrespectful place to go.

I'm pretty relaxed about al fesco peeing in an emergency or off the beaten track but this situation is different.

Floggingmolly · 20/06/2013 10:58

Jesus, it'd be fine to have a slash on the Pyramids because they're older??????

drudgewithagrudge · 20/06/2013 11:05

I was sitting outside Salisbury Cathedral a couple of weeks ago and was amazed to see a man casually saunter up to the corner of a stone buttress and have a crafty wee. The cathedral grounds were packed with people everybody pretended it wasn't happening.

I am surprised that any church would not have a toilet. Many of the congregation would be children or elderly and it would be very inconvenient.

xylem8 · 20/06/2013 11:27

Oh for goodness sake, the teacher was being pragmatic! I wonder if any of have any idea what the reality of working with large groups of young children is!
2 minutes walk to the school -maybe for a purposeful adult, not for a group of 7 yearolds. By the time they had got there, all had their wees and got back, 15 minutes would have gone. By which time the other 8 would have decided they fancied going back to school for a wee too.
Does the fact that 50% of the group said they needed to go to the toilet (even though they would have certainly been told to go before they set off) not sound a little suspicious! I think me squatting down on a marked grave for a piss is one thing but a 7 yo going behind a bush is completely different.
I have never heard of a church in a small village having a toilet

Dawndonna · 20/06/2013 11:38

My point was that there are lavatories at many famous burial sites, bonkers.