To be gutted DS didn't get invited

[Smilehappy]

Went to nursery to pick DS up and the teacher was handing out invites for one of the kids birthdays, my child however didn't have one I heard some of the other parents talking about it etc and feel a bit sorry my DS didn't get one, I'm not sure who got and who didn't but is say 90% of the kiddies got one now starting to wonder why, and if I was to have a party for DS I would invite ALL kids as I find it only fair, not sure of the other persons circumstances... I can't help but feel sorry for my DS missing out on a social event his friends will be attending, it saddens me he may miss out...

Anyone else

I agree with the poster that the parents have a huge about of influence at this age. Some tend to invite their friend's children rather than whom the birthday child plays with.

It is easy to take this to heart and feel sorry for a loved one being left out. Your ds will be invited to parties and probably doesn't mind or understand as much as you do.

The way invitations are given oit and that you are witness to it doesn't help. This type of thing will even out. quite a lot of people have parties the first few years in school. It does tail of though - thank goodness

If the school are handing out the invites, then yes I would ring them; not to shout and complain, but to find out if it was 90 percent invited. I expect it was not; maybe a handful. If 90 percent invited then this is cruel and a school should not be part of that. The OP is entitled to complain in that case. Maybe the children invited were for example all the children the same age/school year as the birthday child. An explaination might help the OP. Yes children need to learn that they are not going to be friends with everyone and they will not get invited to every party, but no need to be cruel about it.

NannyOwl I sort of agree but I don't think the nursery are going to reveal guest lists....they'll either say they don't remember or that they cannot police these things....and I don't think they should either.

But no harm to ring and voice an objection to invitations being handed out so publicly. As I said earlier, adults wouldn't be impressed to be treated like this so we shouldn't do it to children either. It just promotes a queen bee, I'm popular, he isn't, type of attitude.

Well I have to disagree really. I have had two DDs go through nursery and it happens...it's part of life. I don't think we can protect them from everything...they need to get used to not getting invited to ALL the parties. It doesn't promote anything...many parents are too busy working to hand out invitations....and with nursery children, they don't usually have a book bag....it would be obstructive of the staff not to ever help working parents hand out invitations.

But surely the staff's first duty is to the children. Why should they help out working parents if it's at the expense of the feelings of the children in their care?
I'm not saying children should be invited to all parties and of course they have to learn to deal with rejection, which is a normal part of life. But so is treating people with a bit of consideration and manners and publicly handing out invitations to a party to which only some children have been invited is rude and inconsiderate. It is up to the parents to ensure the invitations are given out and they have no right to expect teachers to do this for them if it involves causing upset to some of the children.

I remember being a little upset that Ds didn't get invited to one of the first birthday invites I saw at preschool but honestly by the time your Ds leaves nursery your heart will sink when you get another party invitation. At our nursery it is totally random who gets invited. Usually the nursery ladies just give us a list with x number of names on it. I doubt it is 90% it will probably just be a selection of kids.

DS is having his 5 birthday in July and I am compiling a list of names and after I have included all the kids who invited him this year DS is still completely vague about who his friends are after 2 years in pre school. No doubt someone will get left out. In our place invites are left in the kids trays- which also causes a problem as some parents never check them.

I would say: get used to it because the politics of party invitations will only get worse when they start school. If your DS is upset, just be breezy about it and say "well, you can't get invited to everything, it doesn't matter at all". Don't take it to heart and definitely don't ring the nursery to complain.

Children can't be invited to all parties, but staff can send invitations home with children without it being a big public presentation, regardless of the work status of the parents.

I would say that your either invite everyone or you invite up to half the class but no more. That way no one can feel like they are the only one or one of a few not invited.

I think that when you're feeling a lot have been invited it seems like they're all waving one, when actually it isn't that many.
If it wasn't a child your ds is particularly friendly with, or you are friendly with the parents then you really shouldn't be that worried.

I think the best thing you can do for you child is to not make too much of it. One of my dc got one party in year 1. Turned out for some reason all the invites had been given to the child with the same name but different form. It was only when a parent came up and apologised that there'd been a mix up, and a whole group of parents turned round and said "yes, that happened with us too-we were expecting your dd, and the other child came instead" that it came to light.
Dd did get upset at times, but I always made as little as possible of it, and now she's quite happy to talk about the wonderful time others have had at a party without jealousy, and just pleasure that her friends enjoyed it.