To be gutted DS didn't get invited

[Smilehappy]

Went to nursery to pick DS up and the teacher was handing out invites for one of the kids birthdays, my child however didn't have one I heard some of the other parents talking about it etc and feel a bit sorry my DS didn't get one, I'm not sure who got and who didn't but is say 90% of the kiddies got one now starting to wonder why, and if I was to have a party for DS I would invite ALL kids as I find it only fair, not sure of the other persons circumstances... I can't help but feel sorry for my DS missing out on a social event his friends will be attending, it saddens me he may miss out...

Anyone else

I don't think everyone should have to be invited, but handing them out in class seems a bit cruel to those that are not.

Our nursery has a notice board in the foyer for invitations and similar. Parents address the envelope to 'Brian (Class 1)' and pin them to the board. Parents then take them off and the kids don't know who has/hasn't/whether the birthday kid is in their class etc etc. it works very well :)

I hate the idea of invitations being publicly handed out by the teacher. It is so unfair on the uninvited children. Imagine if a colleague started handing out wedding invitations to selected people in the canteen in front of everyone? Why is it okay to do this with children?

Clarachu - my 4yo DS did know what was going on as the teacher handed them out at the end of the day, calling out all the kiddies names but 4 or 5 children, this is how I knew 90%were invited, this is how DS knows about it I think it's very sad, I do understand that not every child can be invited but I think it's mean how they were handed out...

In pre school my ds only got invited to 1 party. I was a bit worried as everyone else seemed to be going to lots of parties. I did ask a few friends why they thought ds wasn't invited and they didn't understand why either. At the start of school he didn't get many invites either but the teacher has told me he is slower to make proper friends. He is a loveable idiot and everyone loves him but he doesn't have firm friends as such. He now does and has calmed down alot and goes to more parties. We've now had everyone say yes to his party so he must be doing ok. Our invites go in book bags and it's far nicer and also being a mum and having someone not invited ask where their invite is is truly awfull

That is mean. Our school have always refused to do this, and they've gone a step further recently and banned them from being given out in the playground at all.
This was in response to one little madam lining up the class as they emerged from the classroom to receive the Royal Invitation.
It went along the lines of, A, B and C, wait over there for your invitation. D, you're not invited. E and F, stand over there and wait, G and H you're not invited...
All this while her adoring mum stood by smiling fondly

Flogging- that is truly horrible! Some people xx

Seems a bit mean if the teacher giving out. Either whole class or given in book bags. But OP is not personal or reflection on your child. Probably as others have said children mums knows.
To be honest I think number of children as age is a better idea more fun for the children.
When my older dd at school she had very few girls in her class. One girl she didn't like I made her invite every year as I would never leave one child out.
Don't make a big deal out of it and you will be teaching your son to be strong and confident. He could always invite a friend to play that day, maybe from outside school.

OP,if only a few children left out that is terrible. I would ring the school tomorrow ask why it was ok to do this ? Maybe there is an explanation.
Did the mum not realise? Is your son new to the class?

From when mine were dots I have told them not everyone gets invited to every party and they have been fine

I had a bit of shock when I asked my DD (2 turning 3 yrs)nursery how many kids she was in contact with so I could invite to a "sing happy birthday and eat cake" rather than big party. Was told as she is in 4 full days a week and so many kids are in for a just the odd morning/day/afternoon that she probably would see 35-50 in total. I was gobsmacked! Thinking about it though it made sense as there are 15-20 in each session.

So I just asked for a list of 10 or so that she got on well with and trusted her key worker . Felt awful when the invites went out then all she talked about was XXX who was not on the list! But no harm done she's only 3.

My DCs have always been to schools where you are not allowed to distribute invitations unless the whole class are invited. It was suggested that if you were only having a few children invitations were not handed out at the school gate either. It's much simpler if the school just has a blanket policy.

I agree, not very nice to hand the invitations out publicly. But I think you really need to model an incredibly relaxed attitude towards this sort of thing ahead of your ds starting school. Some children will have whole class parties, some won't, some people spend loads of money hiring out fancy venues, some have a small handful of friends round for games and cake. Some don't have parties at all. Any and all of these is absolutely fine, and it's just not worth getting stressed about the whole party thing. He'll no doubt get plenty of invitations once he starts school anyway.

I don't invite everyone in DS's nursery class to his birthday party. His room has the 3-5 year olds, and over the course of the week there are maybe 50 children (there's not that many there each day, many are part-time etc).

I ask DS who he wants to invite - 50 is way too many, and he certainly doesn't get invited to 50 parties. So he invites around 20 people. The teachers do give out invites, though as people picking up at various times it's probably not so obvious.

No of course you're not being unreasonable. It hurts when your child is left out and it makes you angry as well. I know I used to. My D.D was the only one not to be invited to a party with a group of friends and anytime the mum would try and talk to be I'd be cold and give mmm, yes, and no answers. I felt like saying and sorry in advance for the bad language "Stick the party up your fucking arse, she's not short of it.

Like I said totall reasonable to feel gutted, you're a mother!. xx

It's a bit sad, but it's just the way it is. DD is in reception, she has been invited to plenty of parties, but there have definitely been at least 3 she was not invited to- I know as either she mentioned it or another mum has said to me 'oh, see you at the party on saturday...' .

It doesn't bother me in the slightest and I just tell DD she can't expect to go to every party. I also don't mind the teachers giving out the invites- I don't always do the pick up and when DD had her party thete was one girl whose parents I just kept missing so I asked the TA to pass it on.

All I will say, OP, is that when your DC is one of the few invited to a fabulous go-karting party in the not-too-distant-future, you will feel proper smug like I did

I think YABU to be upset. He won't notice or be that bothered at nursery age. I know my DS hasn't been invited to some parties from nursery and I don't plan to invite all his room to his. I will pick invitees where I know the mums, and other children my DS talks about regularly even though I don't know the mums. I have no plans to invite children whose names I have seen on a board but I wouldn't be able to put a name to a face, and who I have never heard my DS mention. It's not a big deal.

We didn't have problems with nursery invites - there wasn't a hard or fast rule. What I did think awful was when a particular girl's parents thought it was completely acceptable to ask the nursery staff to hand out cupcakes in labelled bags at the end of day to the girl's named friends. A lot of The children weren't even 3 the first time it happened and they did it at least twice that I'm aware of. It was so blatant and a child at the age of three or under is going to be bewildered as to why only certain children get the treats at the end of the day. I'm all for teaching children that they can't always be invited to everything but given this was something that had been done at home and then brought into nursery really pissed me off. I was annoyed at the gall of the parents but even more annoyed at the nursery. It's one thing ensuring a party invite is discretely handed out but this was in front of everyone and left not only DS but other children visibly upset as they were at an age when they were too young to understand. I thought the nursery misjudged it and yet they they went on to do go along with it again. On my part it made me feel that the parents were deliberately encouraging a queen bee attitude in their DD although I admit I could be completely wrong. However, I did get a bit of satisfaction from talking "loudly" to DS about inclusiveness and how you have to make sure you don't make a public show of deliberately excluding people when I knew full that the girl's dad was within hearing distance. Was I PA, yes I fully admit it, but I did feel that encouraging and endorsing such behaviour was not fair. It is one thing to acknowledge that children will fall into particular friendship groups but to use it as a deliberate tactic to distinguish who your friends are is very sad.

I just asked dd's nursery key worker for the names of 5-10 children who dd plays with regularly. I don't know the names of 50% of children in dd's pre school class as there are different people there on each of the days and it's hard to keep track!
Absolutely nothing personal against the children who weren't invited, it's just that numbers were limited and at nursery age they don't really have fully formed friendships so didn't think that anyone would feel left out.
I really wouldn't take it personally.

Been there OP. I agree re either whole class or hand out discreetly ie get the TAs to put in book bags. There is no need to do a grand presentation in the style that flogging describes. Awful.

My DS has been left out this year. There's a core group who get asked to all the mixed parties. A lot of the girls seem to do girls only. We invited everyone, although not all of them came. I am pissed off that we didn't get reciprocals from some parents.

Next year y1 I think it will split boys/girls and smaller parties and then there's more of a risk if hem feeling left out