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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take our children to Australia for 3 weeks without DP?

55 replies

Elouie · 19/06/2013 13:25

My nan will be 90 in January and my mum and dad are going to visit them, I'd love to go, I haven't seen my Australian family for about 10 years. DS is 5 and DD will be 3 and I'd love them to meet my family.

DP doesn't want to go. We have been before pre children, he runs his own business and doesn't want to take that amount of time off work to go back to Aus at this point and his idea of 3 weeks in with my family probably fills him with dread Grin.

He says he doesn't really mind me going, but I know he will miss the kids terribly, and them him. I feel a bit torn as I desparately want to go, but can't quite decide whether I'm being selfish. Obviously I would rather he came with me, but he doesn't want to????

OP posts:
raisah · 19/06/2013 19:59

Just go because your gran is 90 and you dont know when you will see her next. Life is short and your dh is an adult so will be able to manage by himself for a few weeks.

Melawen · 19/06/2013 20:04

Go go go! My cousin has brought her children out here (UK) from Australia without her husband because he had to work. Yes, they missed each other but my cousin wanted to introduce her children to the UK family.

tattle · 19/06/2013 20:13

He could join you on the 2nd week for a week/10days that way it isn't too long between seeing the kids.

If that doesn't suit then you should still go with kids,he doesn't mind you going,he will live.

MrsGrowbag · 19/06/2013 20:21

Just go! Skype is the way forward here. And it's only 3 weeks FFS, lots of people have to work away from home for longer periods than that. My only reservation if I were in your shoes is coping with 2 small children and all the luggage at an airport. Think of the money you are saving by not having to buy another ticket!

sparkle12mar08 · 19/06/2013 21:06

Go! He obviously doesn't/won't miss them enough to want to come with you, so that's his look out.

fryingpantoface · 19/06/2013 21:19

Go! I took ds when he was 3 months to Saudi without my dh, same again when he was 15 months. For little over 2 weeks each time. We're going again next year with the new baby and ds and just me. Dh would like to come but his holidays are restricted

Bue · 19/06/2013 21:28

Of course you should go. You would be insane not to, and would likely regret it. He is a grown man, he can manage without his children for 3 weeks, and the kids really won't miss him that much as they'll be having a great time.

Mrsrobertduvall · 19/06/2013 21:36

Definitely go.
Dd takes ds to Oz for 3 weeks ago...I have no Interest in going, neither does dd.

ThePinkOcelot · 19/06/2013 21:41

Go! I took my dds to visit my sister in Australia for a month a couple of years ago over Xmas without DH. It was slightly different as we had split up and I booked it when we were split up but were back together when we went.
They "missed" him, but not too much as we were busy going places and doing stuff so didn't really have time. It flew by as well.
Go, you gran is 90 it will be lovely to see her.x

Christelle2207 · 19/06/2013 22:05

I definitely think you should go, my only concern is the journey with two kids by yourself. However if your parents are going to travel with you then surely that would make it ok.

SquinkiesRule · 19/06/2013 23:02

When my boys were young I used to take them back to UK without Dh, he only got two weeks off a year (normal here) and it had to be over Christmas. We couldn't afford to go at Christmas, he used to stress over flying, and staying in other peoples homes (he has a whole host of stressers, nothing intentional), so I'd do it alone and see his rellies as well as my own, kids loved it, I had fun Dh relaxed and caught up on household stuff like painting and watching TV in his undies. Win all round.

Original poster
Elouie · 20/06/2013 06:21

Thank you all, you're right, I will regret it if I don't go. My nan and grandad would be thrilled to meet the kids and it might be outer last chance.

I'll be flying out with mum and dad so plenty of help in the way, but I may have to fly back alone with them as they will be staying out longer, but I think I'll be ok.

OP posts:
melbie · 20/06/2013 08:48

Would he think about flying out part way through and flying back with you?

Original poster
Elouie · 20/06/2013 08:52

No he has no interst in going at all. There's nothing to stop him except he doesn't want to.

I've tried to talk about it this morning. He just says he doesn't want me to take the kids but sort of understands. I know though that the sort of understanding is far outweighed by me not wanting to take the kids. And is likely to come up as an issue at numerous points in the future. I don't think I'm going to get his blessing to go which makes this all the harder :(

OP posts:
crumblepie · 20/06/2013 08:58

you might not get another chance to go for years , you might regret not going if you leave it and your nan never gets to meet your children .

PointlessPost · 20/06/2013 09:03

I would go. You will all miss each other but it is a one off.

Maryz · 20/06/2013 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ben5 · 20/06/2013 09:17

where abouts are you going? I'm near perth!!! come and visit. We have internet access in Australia which means you will be able to Skype.

tattle · 20/06/2013 09:21

If he tries to guilt trip you into not going just remind him its his choice not to go and this trip is important for you and your kids.
It's shoddy behaviour.

CecilyP · 20/06/2013 09:26

You are not being selfish - not at all. He has told you he doesn't want to go and he doesn't mind you going. He will miss the kids, and hopefully you, but that is only natural. He will cope - lots of men who work away from home cope without seeing their families for 3 weeks.

When I was a child, we used to visit my mums family every other year, for 4 to 6 weeks of the school summer holidays and dad only ever came once and that was all the way - to Holland. You really shouldn't think twice about 3 weeks in Australia. Book those tickets now!

lachrymavitis · 20/06/2013 09:41

GO!

Longdistance · 20/06/2013 09:43

I went back to the Uk on my own last year for over a month without dh.
Yes, he did miss dds, but we Skyped most days.
Dds were 13mo, and nearly 3, and dh didn't have enough holidays banked.

Original poster
Elouie · 20/06/2013 09:52

Ben5 we will be going to Perth, diannara?

OP posts:
lisianthus · 20/06/2013 10:17

Dianella? There's a few Mnetters around that way!

Robotindisguise · 20/06/2013 10:22

He's being very selfish in my view. Not the not going - but putting pressure on you not to go. And your suggestion that he'd make you pay for it by bringing up every five minutes for the rest of your life is a bit shit as well...

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