"Did you mean to be so rude" yes.

[EliotNess]

Yes I did.
Whoever invented that as the ultimate put down? It's so jean Brodie.

It's become like anti pasta and Eton mess

I've used it at work quite successfully, as long as you say it assertively it works well.

or even

Yes I don't like it, I've always felt faintly guilty that I'm not keen to use it (having certain extremely rude people in my life to deal with, particularly my mum). So this thread makes me feel a bit better.

It just seems a bit aggressive and sarcastic to me, rather than assertive. If someone didn't mean to be rude, then it's a bit harsh. if they did, then it won't help, will it?

However I have actually been helped by "No is a complete sentence" as I have a tendency to over-explain myself and make excuses, which pushy people then just argue with. I find it too abrupt to say just "No." by itself ut I have learned to say "No, that's not what I want" or "No, that's not what's happening." And it works.

With rudeness, instead of challenging it in itself I ask the person to amend it, eg "Can you be a bit more polite to DS about his writing, don't forget he has dyslexia."

I know of a patient using it with a Consultant. I'd have loved to have been there.

Not a fan of it but don't see how it is passive aggressive. Its a direct question. Also gives the opportunity to clear up a misunderstanding.

That sounds like a really appropriate use. Aftermay
will remember that

Oops, just wanted to add, wasn't the original MN phrase "Did you mean to sound so rude"? Both non-confrontational and totally confrontational at the same time (hey presto!!)

Sometimes though people don't know that they are being rude. My mum is one of them. She can be quite abrupt at times and I just cringe inside when she is being like that but she seems to be oblivious to the fact. She might think she is being direct but I would say it is rudeness.

Oh thank god I found this thread. Usually the front page of MN makes sense to me, even if it's not immediately relevant stuff. But I have no real idea who Holly Willoughby is or why I should care about her Malory Towers rip-off.

I have said similar "I'm sure you didn't mean that to sound rude. But it did."

Bit of a cop out, but has resulted in an apology.

lol at anti pasta

I read the HW thread with open mouthed incredulity. Where are the probing questions?

Just compare it to the days of the Sheherezade thread.

I totally agree with some of the comments - how on earth is anyone supposed to take HW seriously as a broadcaster, author and all round good egg when she appears on CJ like a fool.

What's the HW thread? Link please!

Its a sticky at the top of Chat.

So I'm interested, EliotNess. Why did you intend to be rude?

"That's very rude/hurtful."

Is better than "did you mean to be so rude"

Watched the YouTube clip on the HW thread
The sleep suit made me want to vom......

I prefer to say ''Don't be so rude!'' (with a silent 'OR ELSE' implied at the end).

Argh. Because of this thread now I've watched a clip of CJ. What rubbish.

LeGavrOrf please go ask a probing question of Holly, I'm not up to the task!

I like the idea of asking 'why do you think it's ok...?" and then waiting silently for the answer. I ask it of the DC so I think I should be able to ask it of adults too. I am going to try that next time.

I agree. It's lame. It's touted as some arch, devastating comeback but it's weak. It's got about as much punch as a mouse in boxing gloves!

Makes me cringe every time I read it.

People who are rude want to be rude. They don't care!

I have used it

I missed the HW thread, unless it is the live chat one. Am I a bit sceptical to think that HW sister joined forces with her famoussister knowing that the book would sell that way? Why not try on her own?

Yes, its the love thread.

live

I've just looked back and read it. They didn't answer much did they?