to ask why you stopped talking to a friend.

[Chromolithograph]

I stopped talking to a friend because my DS really did n't like playing with her DS, meetings with the kids were stressful. No major drama with the grown ups, just gradually decreased our contact. Friends for a season.

Why have your friendships fallen apart?

TBH, unless a friendship is based on mutual liking and respect, where there is equal give and take, and each friend feels valued and gains real pleasure from their relationship, shared history isn't enough to keep it going. Why should you persevere with something that clearly makes you miserable?

I think it's normal to shed a few friends over the course of your life as you and your circumstances and lifestyle change. Of course that doesn't stop the end of a friendship being sad.

Friend A - that was very traumatic. Though the final death blow was my fault more. I did something, partly because I was angry with her, partly because I thought I was doing the right thing! It was pretty drastic what I did, though I certainly didn't realise the full implications of it at the time, and was too drunk to think it through. I wrote a sorry letter and was very regretful to the point of being traumatised for years about it - but I knew there was no going back. It also managed to destroy my relationship with a whole group of friends in one foul swoop.

Friend B - She just had some narcissistic traits, so was very me-me-me. Also nosy and competitive, can't stand either of those traits, which seem to go together btw! In the end I felt I couldn't trust her. But we had some great times together and I seemed to be able to end the friendship with some dignity when I pulled away. She never asked me how I was, ever.

Friend C - I still like her actually, and I could have "kept in touch" with more effort. But she had bi-polar, and constantly talked about herself and her life, often manically. She never asked me how I was, ever.

Female friendships are often presented in a wholly positive way on TV and film. But sometimes they are difficult to navigate. I think we do need friends, but sometimes I wonder how much...

I think I have changed too, now, and value different kinds of friends/friendships.

Because I realised that I had been an extremely bad judge of character and the persons I considered to be my friends weren't actually who I thought they were and that they were taking the piss out of me.

Friend 1: Stopped talking to her after her drama of a wedding, in which she turned out to be a bridezilla of the highest degree, and I was expected to be her slave of a bridesmaid. I was not exactly a close friend before the wedding, but soon realised in the 2 years of planning of said wedding that she had no friends, hence me being asked. She was a complete cow throughout that 2 year period, and I ended up hating her and her wedding day. No contact from her to ask how I am since. If she did happen to text, I'd probably ignore it now. My real friends are in touch on and off all the time, and know what's going on in my life, and I in theirs.

Friend 2: Sent Christmas cards religiously for 10 years. Stopped 2 years ago when I realised she never returned. 2 years ago she started sending cards to me again. I have yet to restart.
She also expects me to want to hear all about her job with children like she's a martyr. No thanks. You choose to work with children, don't then moan about it!

1. same reason as OP - she was great but her DS was...well it was getting embarrassing when out with them, the noise and tantrums.

1. another slightly more complicated and still hurts event hour I ended it:

I thought we were all friends though knew two were closer (fair enough) but then at times felt left out. I had texts ignored. So I decided I didn't want to stand in the little clique anymore. But also one of them had some incompatible views about the middle east (by DB was out there serving at the time and found it wholly insensitive). I really looked up to them and realised they weren't as good a friends to as I thought so I retreated. Now I can see they weren't right for me but I still feel hurt. One is particular is passive aggressive and manipulates others I think and it bugs me as I probably look like the one that over-reacted by leaving groups. I have never been direct about the issues.

Its telling that only one of them has bothered to ask me what was wrong but now doesn't speak out of loyalty to the manipulative one (I think anyway)

I have plenty other friends but the above situation has made me wary of getting into bitchy little cliques again.

Because she went off me when I told her I was pregnant, didn't send any condolences when a relative died or congrats when my baby was born, never invites me to anything and the last three times we've seen each other have been at my initiation. Plus she's very nosy and only seems to want to ask probing questions about my life when we catch up.

I am officially no longer speaking to her, but she doesn't know it yet (and may never know it seeing as she never calls me anyway, which is slightly annoying )

Arealdame that is a very good point re friendships on tv, also the type of friendship changes as you get older and if you have kids.

I now have friends who I may see once a week wths kids and DH's it is just general banter and having a laugh. I think I've realised as sociable as I am and like to chat I do not need someone there all the time discussing what were are having for tea everyday etc, or to go shopping with, its just not me.

I could almost say I have friends at arms length and lots of casual friends who I chat to at school, gym etc but they normally parents of DC activities.

Mine have often ended because of addiction, or casual drug use, that had an effect on the sort of person they were, judgements that they made, behaviour, etc.

I am in the process of cutting out two of my friends. They don't know it yet.

1. Friend no. 1 - Because our DC don't get along, she is mean to my DC, she is a major show off - always comparing phones, cars, cosmetics brands and because she just uses people and then discards them. I wonder why I have suffered her for so long.

1. Friend no. 2 - Because she is flaky, lies through her teeth and is a fair weather friend.

I ditched a mate because she never came to my house because of the breed of dog I have. She isn't scared of dogs, and me offering to shut the dog away wasn't enough apparently

I cut my best friend out of my life. I deleted her off facebook and blocked her. It really really hurt me to do it but my life is so much better without her. She told a mutal friend that she was very hurt I deleted her off facebook, mutal friend advised me to get in touch with her but I am not willing to step back onto that merry go round.

We met at work and clicked instantly. But she was in an abusive relationship, he cheated on her and used her and spent all her money but she wouldnt give him up. They split up countless times but he always won her round. He bought a house, she moved in and rented her house out, sold all her furniture then kicked her out leaving her homeless.

He was insanely jealous about her and discouraged her from having friends. And yet he cheated and lied to her constantly.

Final straw came when they had split up (again) and I was due to give birth. Friend was very excited about my baby and couldnt wait for my DD to be born, telling me about how she would be there when i got home from hospitial and would be Aunty X etc

But when DD was born she sent one text message then I found out she had got back with the ex and was planning on moving away with him.

I realised that all she ever wanted was someone to listen to her. I spent so many hours listening to her, helping her move, lending her money, giving advice, driving in the middle of the night to pick her up when he had kicked her out again. She couldnt spare 1 hour to see my new baby as she would rather be with him.

She was an emotional vampire and will move onto another victim. I just happend to stick around longer than most.

It is very interesting to go through this thread.

I thought there was something wrong with me! By cutting out these two friends, I am nearly sabotaging my social life.

But there is only so much power you can give to other people to make you miserable.

And after reading the experiences on this thread, I don't think I am doing such a wrong thing!

Because she kept coming up with disabilities for her dc that weren't true (attention seeking) and illnesses. Then started coming up with more elaborate lies - I had dtds then she was pg with dts too but lost one then had the other aborted due to severe disabilities. Sounds like I'm a right cow not supporting her but I did to start with until I heard the different stories she'd told everyone and the knowledge I have of dates and appointments re twin pg just didn't match her story. The sad thing is I think some of it may be true but I couldn't work out which bits.her dp is also violent in front of dc and ss are involved - didn't want DC round that.
If she came asking for help I would but I won't be doing the running.

Because I don't 'gel' with her DS . He is the same age as DD and I just don't get on with him. We were very close friends, but briefly. I think we both needed a friend at the time, we spent a lot of time together, felt better about our lives and then for some reason started to rub each other up the wrong way.

I firmly believe that some people come into your life for a reason and then leave again. I still care about her and I'm sure she cares for me, she is a lovely, beautiful and caring person. But our lives have just moved on.

Because she would not stop asking DH if he was terminally ill because he had lost a lot of weight. Then refused to believe him when he said he wasn't as if it were any of her business anyway.

Because she constantly belittled me. Called me ugly, tried to burn me with a cigarette, threatened me with a broken bottle and told me that I deserved the violent relationship I was in because I was so pathetic.

It was only after I met my now husband that I realised how not friendly this behaviour was. She has recently been through a very nasty time and I was there, again, to pick up the pieces. That was ok, as I limited the time I spent with her carefully, then she suggested we hit the tiles "like olden times" I refused. She hit the roof.

All of my school friends as I realised that they were constantly doing things behind my back and never bothered with me, except when they wanted to. One in particular (my best friend) was a user. Spent years being friends then her dumping me when someone she thought was cooler came along then she would come running back later. I had some bad problems at school as well and another best friend let me spend 1 whole lesson crying, I was at the end of my tether and just ran out of the gates at the end of the lesson, I was actually going to throw myself in front of a car. When I did go back to school she said "I didn't think you were that bad"

I ditched them both when I went to uni but we have been back in touch but nothing has changed so I don't really bother now.

Friends from first job, I got ill and eventually had to give up work and stop going to social occasions. They were just pissed off at me, would come around when they had a problem but I wouldn't see them when they didn't. They were my bridesmaids as well. They also made me feel like an extra on my own hen night and was pissed off at me because I hadn't arranged transport for them to leave my wedding reception.

In the process of phasing some out now. One always arranges then cancels, one has been rude and is all very nice to my face but her actions say otherwise, another I am getting fed up with her oh so busy life and shes expecting me to be all happy when she can finally squeeze me in. Plus she keeps having a go at me about not being invited to stuff when she either is and forgot about the text or she wasn't invited because she isn't that close to the person who is doing the event. She is free to do things with her friends all the time though without including us, but it is not the same the other way around. I haven't got the energy for this shit. Plus my main group of friends are going off her as well and I can see their points.

Friend in previous post is also bugging me wrt our children. They started an activity together a few years ago but hers have changed places. My DS is flying and hers are really not, but she pointed out that if my DS had a natural ability for it, it would have shown itself by now (he is 5) and one instructor told her a year ago that out of the 3, one of hers was the strongest, well a year later says much differently, but she won't have it.

Also 1 of hers aggravates mine a lot to the point that mine would get antagonised by just being in the presence of hers. She would always make a point of saying how they are as bad as each other though.

When I mentioned that a friend of hers DS was purposely throwing a hard football onto my DS's head (he was a few years older) at a party (where she was suppose to be supervising this child), she just said "that's not like x, I'm surprised", then had to tell me about my DS and some boy having a but of a go about each other, that had nothing to do with anything and I was stood there at the time and hadn't seen anything so it could not have been anything bad.

Actually reading that together is putting me off her more and more.

Mostly because they couldn't be arsed to stay in contact after my divorce and then a really bad bereavement.
Because they are married and have children and I am divorced now and don't and so I "don't understand and have nothing in common with them" (these are the most annoying form of plastic twats who think everything is lovely and shiny and for them it is - but for a lot of people life is bloody difficult).
Because they are boring, thick as shit and irritate the hell out of me.

Hey ho. I'm a bitch.

I stopped talking to a friend after she and her husband tried it on with me at the same time!

I'd gone round to stop for a few days and they asked if I wanted to put a film on when the children had gone to bed.

They put on some dodgy German porn, sat either side of me on the sofa and proceeded to, well, um, you know... I think I just sat there for a few minutes wondering if I was imagining it!

She continued to phone me for ages afterwards and even resorted to contacting my mother to see if she knew why I wasn't answering my phone to her!!!

She saw her arse about the fact that I was getting married before her, and gave me completely lame I'm-washing-my-hair type excuses about why she couldn't attend my hen night or wedding. I was always the one to make contact so I just stopped doing it and waited for her to call, and she didn't ever bother to contact me.

Kept cancelling on me, often last minute. Sod that. I have lots of friends, don't need ones who make no effort.

Because she came into my workplace and caused a nuisance. Kept it up when I asked her to be quiet. Then grabbed something off a shelf and asked me why I didn't use my staff discount to buy it then resell on eBay. In front of the Head of Retail. Then denied she'd done anything wrong.

But I am so glad I no longer speak to her. She was really toxic, constantly ringing up to whinge about bugger all, particularly when I am trying to work at home. And asking for advice and doing the opposite.

Keeps asking everyone what she can do to make it up to me. But all the suggestions (flowers, drink at pub) seem to be incompatible with her meanness and pretending to be poor.