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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ds 6 saw porn

63 replies

omgitcantbetrue · 17/06/2013 12:47

I went out with dh.Good friend and her son (6) came to stay over/babysit.
Her ds had a new ipad.I didn't think to ask her if it had security locking.I regret that.I also do not blame her.

The boys were in his room.I agreed they could stay up late and went out.
In the morning after friends had left DS approached me, giggling and said...

'last night xx typed in boobs in the ipad.Cut a long story short were upstairs for a good hour or so looking up boobs

" boobs rubbing against each other, old long boobs??? WTF women kissing and giggling around.

Upon further questioning there were no men in the images and VIDEOS they watched.

I feel upset, and that this is premature! I am upset.

I told him we all have boobs and bits, me , your grandmother, your friends mums.They are normal.

AIBU to feel upset? DH is a bit whatever, shame ,but it is normal boy behaviour

OP posts:
ubik · 17/06/2013 17:55

Little kids giggle about 'rude' things all the time. My dds think 'bum' is hilarious and if let loose on the internet for a while would eventually google something silly.

McBalls · 17/06/2013 18:02

I would be very concerned about what they actually did see.
Not sure how I would approach it though if DS doesn't seem troubled but I think even as innocent a search as 'boobs' on an unrestricted device would throw up stuff that would be pretty disturbing and confusing for a 6yo.

Poor things.

McBalls · 17/06/2013 18:05

I just typed boobs into google and the top result was a site called biftits.com - click on that and there is a page filled with dozens of very graphic porn images.

Fucks sake...your friend is a div.

Comfyseat · 17/06/2013 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thisisaeuphemism · 17/06/2013 18:08

The problem is not kids curious about the word boobs - that's cute- the problem is that even an innocuous word like that will throw up some vile hard core images. It won't be like page three pics.
Before I got internet controls, ds looked for 'sexy naked ladies' - I still haven't got the images out my head - but it was very far from what I imagined. :(
It's done now but I think you're right to have had a chat with him and your friend. He'll forget about it soon I'm sure.

Timetoask · 17/06/2013 18:09

Your friend is a idiot! Sorry for the word but I am fuming your behalf.
I would be furious. To allow two small children on their own with free access to the internet! It's not like the issue with access to porn hasn't been highlighted everywhere recently.

5madthings · 17/06/2013 18:13

Well I think six year olds think 'rude' words are funny, ds4 is just five and thinks its hilarious to write 'bum'... He doesn't have access to a PC or tablet/internet unless I am sat next to him or I imagine he might type it into a search engine.

Really you can't let kids have access to internet with no supervision.

Can you not look at the history on the iPad so you know what they saw?

neontetra · 17/06/2013 18:20

My mom told me yesterday that she had read some research which said that the average age for dc to first be exposed to porn (because of phones etc) is now 8. Sorry, no idea of source so can't link. Terrible if true. And sadly likely, I think. However vigilant we are as parents, there will always be some kid in the playground with images on their phone., etc. Think we just have to try to explain it to our kids as best we can. I have no idea how though, really!

Original poster
omgitcantbetrue · 17/06/2013 18:44

Just to clarify the i pad was NOT MINE.
I have asked her to search the ipad history so that i can know what exactly was seen.I am trying to sound all casual and not upset because I want to know the truth and not scare her into a corner of denying or not sharing the whole truth.

I talked to ds on the way home from school.He repeated that no men were in the films.I do not want to sound paranoid, buy I just find it hard to believe.Like I said, when I typed in boobs it went straight into porn.He just thinks it is so funny.He was laughing .He said something like " next time I will look again with him"?

I stayed calm ( thanks to mn advice) I said that bodies are private and that I wouldn't like to hear of him doing that again, also that if a friend ever did it he should call an adult.He agreed.

OP posts:
ParadiseChick · 17/06/2013 19:09

I just Googled boobs and clicked the first link. Pretty hard core videos.

This makes me sad. That natural curiosity of boobs or naughty things leads kids straight to hard-core videos. No titillating over flashes of nipples, finding page three, a big brothers girly mag etc. Straight to hard-core sex. Nothing in between.

AnyFucker · 17/06/2013 19:16

Straight to hard core sex, indeed.

This is what cumulalive years of normalising the sex industry and the objectification of women will do

Anybody that defends it is completely clueless

AnyFucker · 17/06/2013 19:17

*cumulative

kerala · 17/06/2013 19:18

Rather pulls the rug out from under all the "my 8 year old boy is perfectly fine in the womens changing rooms" threads doesnt it Hmm

Damash12 · 17/06/2013 19:19

Yanbu, I would definitely tell the other child's mum. My son is 4 and if he sees page 3 he wants to know "why is the lady outside showing her booby loobies?" I don't want my son to think naked bodies are wrong but I would probably be concerned if he saw this kind of stuff .
Tough one and to be fair it sounds like they could've seen a hell of alot worse so probably no lasting damage.

cosydressinggown · 17/06/2013 19:21

I agree it sounds like the son (not yours) has done it before.

I also think you need to take this very, very seriously. If your child tells anyone that they have seen pornographic images, it is actually classed as sexual abuse, and is a child protection issue. Confused

You can't just let this slide, and let him think that he can google this again another time. You also need to speak seriously to your friend about the repercussions of what the boys have viewed.

They may have been innocent before (although I'm not convinced that this is normal for a 6 year old) but what has been seen cannot be unseen, and they will have a lot of questions and thoughts now that you need to be ready to communicate with them about.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 17/06/2013 19:27

Looking up things like 'boobs' is perfectly normal for 6 year old boys.

It doesn't sound as though they saw/understood anything that frightened them or anything - it's probably good they are 6 and not 8 or whatever - far less comprehension of what they saw.

I have no idea what your friend thought she was doing giving them unrestricted acess to the internet but hopefully now she understands that she needs to get that sorted.

Unfortunately, it is hard to keep any control over things like this when they are in other peoples care :(

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 17/06/2013 19:30

He's not going to go around telling people he has seen pornographic images is he? He will probably tell his friends he has seen boobies and they'll all giggle - end of.

MerryMarigold · 17/06/2013 19:35

You'd be surprised at how it comes out Chipping. I know of a young child who started sticking his tongues in girls mouths. Then, with some clever questioning, it can come out.

MerryMarigold · 17/06/2013 19:35

Sorry, he only had one tongue!

phantomnamechanger · 17/06/2013 19:49

This is why internet controls are so important and why I for one would prefer an "opt in" system, so that the majority of family PCs can be safe & porn free.
yes children very young can & do access very graphic things - they are not trying to! As a pp said, they will google bum or willy and there is no telling what is a few clicks away. It's awful and nothing like giggling at writing BOOBS on the calculator! In my day boys tried to sneak a look at P3 or a lads mag, but things have moved on since then. Graphic porn, beastiality. Things I would not want to see let alone my child see.
And its not just sex/porn that you need to be careful of - there are very graphic pictures of brutal murders etc - and the other week DS wanted to show me a video they had watched as part of an RE lesson on islam - he wanted to google "islam muslim video" to find it and NO WAY was I going to let him do that! Our DC use the computer with us in sight, and we always know what they are doing.

phantomnamechanger · 17/06/2013 19:51

cosy - I was thinking that too - if your child tells the teacher what he has seen, they will be duty bound to take it further to see exactly what he has been exposed to.

ghayes · 17/06/2013 20:00

An opt in system just allows parents to pass off responsibility to the authorities.

AnyFucker · 17/06/2013 20:15

No, it doesn't

it allows for the sort of communication breakdown that has happened here

I also don't want porn in my home for my own sake too, so I support an opt-in system

however, I am realistic enough to know (and have taken on board lots of discussions and advice from people much more knowledgeable than me about internet workings) that this is too difficult to police

I still can't shake a nagging suspicion though, that if enough influential people wanted it, it could be made to happen

slight hijack, sorry

Original poster
omgitcantbetrue · 17/06/2013 20:24

What shall I do.Do I tell the school.I really would rather not.

I have spoken to friend who has now searched the ipad history.She said there was only one url she could not open and that must be what they saw.She said there was lots of mine craft? A computer game and this one url that could not be opened.

Whilst I geel remorseful and guilty for allowing ds to be in this position I am disgusted at society as a whole, for allowing this content to be just so THERE.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/06/2013 20:25

I don't think you need to tell the school. This happened outside of school time. I wouldn't, anyway.