To be terrified of potty training my DS

[DrDumbass]

DS is 2 years and 5 months. For a while he has been showing an interest in wanting to sit on the potty and now he has started following me into the bathroom. He also now says "I need a wee wee" or "I want to go to the toilet" Not sure if he knows or if he is just copying, I dont know.
I contacted my HV for advice and she said that I should just reward him for doing anything on the potty. I asked about when do I move from nappies to trying pants she said "whenever feels right for him", I asked if a toilet trainer seat would be better as they use small toilets, not potty's at nursery and I think its best to keep things consistent but didnt know if he was too small for those and was told "whatever suits you both better".
I just feel really kind of confused, I don't want to (for want of a better phrase) miss the opportunity while he is interested, but I really don't know what I am doing. I feel so crap at this (sorry should've mentioned, still suffering the effects of PND and feel really overwhelmed sometimes).

Don't get stressed, its not worth it :)

Buy a cheap potty, a toilet seat & perhaps a travel potty (mine was the potette & it was a travel potty & a toilet seat as well so bargainous) & let your ds use whichever he prefers.

Feel free to ask nursery for advice.

And relax, no child starts school with nappies on (barring additional needs). Its not rocket science, its just a bit of poo.

Have a potty around and next time he says it, stick him on there for a bit. If he does something on it, lots of praise, cuddles, "what a grown-up boy" etc. If he doesn't, a breezy nevermind, no big deal etc. Let him see you go, and his dad as well, as he'll have to do it standing up eventually. Before his bath, when he's naked, sit him on there while you run the bath and chat to him. When he comes and says to you that he doesn't want nappies any more, buy him pants and start on a day when you are both at home, preferably when it's good weather (ha!) and go for it. Ask every 30 min and go mad with praise when he gets it right, and don't show any stress about accidents. Keep him in pull-ups at night until you are taking dry ones off in the morning. That's how I did it!

www.mumsnet.com/toddlers/potty-training is a great resource, there's also a talk section on potty training where they can (virtually) hold your hand.

Agree above but definatly don't get stressed over it.

It's just learning weeing and pooing on a toilet, wiping bum,washing hands and pulling the chain.

That's it... No rush, no hurry he's just over 2. He will do it either sooner or later. It's not a race or a competition.

You will manage fine. Don't ask lots of people for advice, everyone tells it differently as each child is different.

I wouldn't bother with the potty to be honest, straight to the loo, he's old enough. Just pop him on, lots or praise, don't bother with pull ups, keep a nappy on at night until he's ready.

Good luck. Don't get to bogged down with it, it's not that hard .

Onetiredmummy is right. Your DS will let you know what is right for him. If he feels more confident on a potty he'll use that, if he feels more confident on a trainer seat he'll use that, so get both. Go and buy some pants too and explain they are for wearing when he starts to use the potty or toilet. Then let him put them on one morning and anticipate a lot of laundry!

DD has been toilet-trained for well over a year and still has the odd day when she'll insist on using the potty even though right at the start she hated it and would only use the toilet. Don't worry about being consistent with nursery - at 2.5 he'll be fine if they do things slightly differently to you so long as everybody involved is calm and kind and supportive when he has a success and doesn't mind when he has an accident (which is inevitable).

Personally I think the word training is misplaced. You are doing exactly the right thing, waiting until your DS shows an interest and calmly showing him what to do. He may take to it quickly. Or he may have a flurry of interest then want to use nappies again for a while. Or he may take aaaaaaaaaaages to get his head around the idea and have daily accidents for a while. And all of these patterns are normal and fine.

You're not alone in feeling the way you do, please don't feel useless. He absolutely will get it, and it doesn't matter how long it takes.

You might also feel you're going forwards one week, then backwards the next week. This is totally normal.

I got through it with my ds by almost ignoring it in a way. I tried really hard not to be "in control" (because of course I wasn't!), and just let my son go at his own pace. Praise him to the skies when he does it, and keep it light and happy when he misses/doesn't go.

When it came to my dd 3 years later, I had a momentary panic about it as I had forgotten it all! So you see, even having done it once successfully doesn't stop you feeling stressed!

Having done this 3 times (and watched countless friends and acquaintances go through it too) the best advice I can offer is wait until he's really ready - then it will be relatively straightforward I promise you.

I like the idea of buying a potty and next time he says he wants to do a wee or whatever then take him to it and see whether he wants to sit on it (or on the toilet if he prefers) Lots of praise and encouragement for sitting on it and really go to town on the praise if he then produces the goods. Ask nursery to keep an eye on it too (ours used to take the nearly ready children to the toilet along with the already trained ones so they could see it in action) Also like the idea of trying before bath each evening too.

Ime they can go quite quickly from interested but not ready to totally ready to do it. If you have a go and it doesn't work then really I wouldn't worry about going back to nappies for a while - much better that than you getting really stressed by it all imho. I remember trying ds2 at the end of May and it was a bit of a disaster, 6 wees on the floor by lunchtime - put him back in nappies and 6 weeks later he was ready to go - we had the odd accident but it really went very smoothly.

GooGirl was talking the talk from about 2.2. She had NO CLUE how to make a wee come out.

'THEY' said 'give it a couple of weeks and try again'. I was a bit as DS had just got it straight away. I thought she'd never suss it out. But on the third try, (I mean attempt at leaving her nappy off for 8 hours at a time) she just seemed to crack it :)

So I shall vouch for the 'if it's not working, just stop and chill for a bit' method :)

Another vote for stopping if it doesn't work - we tried DD at 2.5 and she was having none of it, she was getting stressed and upset and just wanted her nappies back. Tried again at 3 and she got it very quickly, and because she was that little bit older bribery/the nappy fairy worked for her.

I left DS1 bottomless with a potty nearby for a day to see what he did. And he did it fine first time!

Just relax, give it a go and he's ready he'll crack it, if not you just wait a bit and try again :)

I remember the first time I went out with DS in pants. The night before I was in bed really stressing about it (and I am not a worrier) and then I just thought - what's the worst that can happen? He craps himself and wets himself. No biggy, every parent has to go through it.

And he didn't.

I agree with stay chilled, he will do it and it sounds like he's really ready.

If you're terrified, then it isn't the right time to start. You should feel confident in yourself and your child when you want to start potty training. It really isn't worth the hassle.

I was anxious about potty training my dd as knew that unlike ds (3 years older than her) I couldn't just run life around it for a few days to get the hang of it, as I still had to get ds out and about to nursery, groups, etc etc. Lots of people will say to make a clean break - transfer into pants and only use nappies at night, and if you use nappies in the day time at all it will be a backwards step. Well, I will be forever thankful for the mum who said that do you know what, if the idea of playing potty roulette on an outing is going to make it too stressful, stick them in a pull up! From then on we used a mixture of knickers at home and for most journeys out, but for the occasional "it would be a disaster if she wet/poo-ed herself on this trip" outing she wore a pull up, and we never looked back. I had PND too so can relate to the anxiety. Good luck!

The way I saw it was that either dd would get it eventually or we would never have to worry about a teen pregnancy!

We just didn't worry at all - kept her in a nappy but too,it off and put her on the loo / potty if she wanted to. Eventually I would take the same dry nappy off at the end of the day as I put on at the star so I suggested to her to not wear them any more. Had a few weeks of going to the loo every 5 minutes but very few accidents.

All in all very painless.

we had 3 attempts with DD, 3rd was successful and we haven't looked back. She was just over 3. Each 'go' lasted a week, the first one she contracted tonsilitus (nothing to do with potty training, obviously!) so we stopped; the 2nd I thought she did very well (we bought a potty and toilet seat together, her choice, and had a reward chart) but she was witholding poos and got constipated so we stopped again. On the 3rd successful go, I could see how she really hadn't been ready the other 2 times and it fell into place with barely an accident very quickly.

So, give it a try, but if it doesn't succeed then stop and try again in a few weeks, months, whenever he seems up for another go. And ignore anyone who says he 'should' be potty trained by X age. And use potties or not, as you choose, we have found potties to be very helpful in giving DD independance, and we don't have a downstairs loo. Rarely taken one out and about, she seemed to get to grips with public loos quite quickly, though she hates hand-driers.

Have you got a garden? Next sunny-ish day, camp out there with toys, potty and no nappy on and see what happens. I dreaded potty training too but we cracked it in one warm weekend, outdoors for minimum stress! We read him this story a couple of times to get over anxiety about pooing without a nappy too - worth the world!

Sorry only just got a chance to respond, am at work (on lunch) There is some great advice on here so will give it a try.

Honestly, my potty training technique was very simple. All 3 of mine were about your child's age when they trained. I took their nappy and trousers off and left the potty out. At first I asked them regularly if they wanted to sit on the potty. I praised successful use of the potty and shrugged off accidents with a reminder to use the potty next time. And that was genuinely it. If they had been unwilling to use the potty or had more accidents than successes then I'd have stopped and tried again in a few months. After a few trouserless days when it was clear they had the hang of using the potty I put them in knickers/pants.

If your child is ready then it should be pretty straightforward, if they're not then put them back in a nappy and don't worry about it!

I'm starting with my 2.6 year old in a couple of weeks when the summer holidays start and we have no toddler groups to go to so can stay in and concentrate on training for a few days. I've been advised to try going cold turkey with daytime nappies and expect lots of accidents to start with so I'll try that and see how it goes, got the sticker reward chart all ready. I'm dreading it a bit but trying not to let DD see it and staying very positive about "big girl pants." DD is bright and very verbal and definitely interested in the potty process but she also has a stubborn streak and tends to rebel against being told what to do so I really don't want it to turn into a power struggle. She's also going through a stage if saying she isn't a big girl and wants to stay a little baby but hopefully the peppa pig pants will convince her otherwise.

YABU to be terrified, but YANBU to be a bit nervous about it. I don't think your HV was being much help. I would disagree with her one piece of concrete advice because if they are ready, they are ready and don't need rewards. Her other advice is just too woolly - what on earth does, 'whenever feels right for him' mean?

With regard to a potty or a toilet seat, I would recommend you get both. DS certainly alternated between the two. Also, if he is quite small, you can get a step to so he can wee the toilet standing up. I also left DS bottomless and he managed to wee in the potty without any prompting but, unfortunately, this did not translate into being able to do the same when wearing trousers, so we didn't try properly until the summer.

Like ShoeWhore, I had one failed attempt, loads of wet trousers, put DS back in nappies and tried again a month later and it just worked. Total non-event really.

You can't really know until you try but, as it is summer, at least wet trousers and pants will wash and dry quickly.