To think my husband is not a teenage boy and I am not his mother?

[Mazzledazzle]

My husband says he is more than happy to get out of bed in the morning and help with the kids - so long as I wake him. And that's the bit that really bugs me. Why is it my responsibility to get him up? He's a grown man FFS! I'm a v light sleeper. He never wakens when our two DCs wander through in the morning, I do. I get up with them and silently seethe. Hence the resentment. I've told him if he can't waken himself, set an alarm so he gets up on time to help me out in the mornings.

AIBU?

Yes, just wake him up!! What does it matter?

Buy a cattle prod.

A stiff nudge in the ribs then turn over and go back to sleep. Easy peasy

Train the children to sit on his head in the morning...

how will he know when to set the alarm for? do your children always wake up at the exact same time?

I always wake up first in the night if dd starts calling out (or I'm already awake feeding ds). I just poke dp and he wakes up.

Presumably his alarm would wake you too? I don't see what the big deal is YABU

- you have been woken already by your children but you don't want to wake your DH up? Surely if he has an alarm it will wake you up anyway as you are a very light sleeper. I don't understand unless you sleep in a separate room and therefore don't want to be woken by the alarm?

You are a light sleeper and you wake when the DC wander in. He is a heavy sleeper and doesn't stir. So wake him up. It's not as if he is pretending to stay asleep ( or is he?) Setting an alarm is pointless unless he sets one in the DC's room for the same time. Just wake him up as he has asked you to or encourage the DC's to jump on him

Huh? Just prod him and tell him to wake up, what's the issue?

If you can't help being a light sleeper then he can't help being a heavier sleeper so just wake him. He can't help if he's asleep and unaware.

Yabu. Some people, not just teenagers, can sleep through anything.

It is extremely "teenage" to silently seethe about something and not address it directly with the person who is annoying you.

I sincerely hope YANBU :o

Otherwise you are breaking a few laws...

I can store of see where you're coming from, I'm a light sleeper where the kids are concerned and even if dh is getting up with them I wake up.

Yes they usually wake at 7am. I'm happy to get up at that time every day. I'd just like him to do the same, without me having to wake him up. He then says he'll get up, but doesn't. I then have to ask him again. Then he gets narky that I'm nagging him.

Despite me telling them, the kids always come to me first thing.

Uh, just wake him up. What's the big deal? Some people are really heavy sleepers (my DP is one of them) and he won't wake up unless a very loud alarm goes off or you literally shake him awake. Otherwise, he's dead to the world.

So you do wake him and then 'he says he'll get up, but doesn't.' That's a different issue. He should get up. You sound tired :(

I've tried talking him about it and suggested we have certain days we both get up and take turns having a long lie, but he just reminds me how exhausting his life is. Then we get into the age old debate of who is more tired than who.

Lots more to this, isn't there, op ?

I think you are cutting your nose off to spite your face - "I get up and seethe"
Wake him up !

Sounds like you want him to actually take responsibility for the children instead of leaving it up to you.

What would happen if you weren't there? Would the children just roam around while he snored on?

My dh always wakes first, and then wakes me (sometimes more than once ). I don't think of myself as a teenager or him as my parent.

However it sounds more that you think your dh isn't pulling his weight, which is a different issue really.

Could you start by having a designated morning off, where you don't get up at all (well not first thing anyway!) and the children are totally your dh's responsibility?

I grew up in a house where nothing was ever discussed and a lot presumed. I find it hard telling people outright when they do something that bugs me. Hence the seething. I'm trying to overcome this. In fact I told DH exactly why it bugs me when he doesn't get up in a bid to clear the air, but he just doesn't get it. And I suppose time and time again it seems that since the kids have came along, I've had to make most of the sacrifices.

buy am alarm clock

tell him your having mon, wed, fri lie in

I am terrible in the mornings - DH is like a bloody lark at 5am
He used to get up early and in the evenings when he would fall asleep on the sofa I would put the DC to bed and let him snooze .

Discuss and find a compromise - silently seething wont solve anything.

Dopey sheep, I was away overnight and returned at 8.30am to a snoring husband and roaming kids, despite the fact that school starts at 9!

It always seems that he gets peace to do jobs around the house and I get the kids. I want some peace! I suppose it will be easier once they are at school. It just seems like I never get time to myself at home to get on with things. The kids generally leave him alone and cling to my legs!

Nooka i will suggest a designated day off.

It sounds like I should be a bit more proactive in giving him a kick in the morning!