To think my husband is not a teenage boy and I am not his mother?

[Mazzledazzle]

My husband says he is more than happy to get out of bed in the morning and help with the kids - so long as I wake him. And that's the bit that really bugs me. Why is it my responsibility to get him up? He's a grown man FFS! I'm a v light sleeper. He never wakens when our two DCs wander through in the morning, I do. I get up with them and silently seethe. Hence the resentment. I've told him if he can't waken himself, set an alarm so he gets up on time to help me out in the mornings.


AIBU?

[dorothyelmhirst]

Go away more.

[Mazzledazzle]

When I'm not there he relies on my DD to wake him! She's 4...

[dorothyelmhirst]

Out of interest what does he do when you are not there?

[MrsLouisTheroux]

He'll often say "that was some tantrum she was having this morning" when he was in bed 'asleep' the whole time. So he's not a heavy sleeper after all. He's just staying in bed leaving you to take responsibility for mornings. That's really selfish if you are tired out.

[OutragedFromLeeds]

It's impossible to say until I know how old your husband is and whether there is any chance you could be his mother?

If he's 19 and was born the same day the baby you gave up for adoption 19 years ago was born then chances are YABU.

[FingersCrossedLegsNot]

My brother used to sit on my fathers face in the mornings with his shitty nappy. That generally woke him up. Worth trying!

[crunchbag]

So he doesn't really need waking up then, he just doesn't want to get up and hopes you forget or won't bother waking him.

That would seriously piss me off, you both are their parents and he will need to step up.

[Shitsinger]

Mazzle he is up at 5am eating his bloody breakfast and watching the news !
He likes it and it was very useful when our DC were little
The point is we recognised our differences and compromised - he loves a kip on the sofa in the evenings !

[Mazzledazzle]

Crunchbag - it's interesting...if he knows he HAS to get up (if for example he's promised me a long lie). He leaps out of bed as soon as our wee one's foot hits the floor. This would suggest he chooses to stay in bed every other morning. He'll often say "that was some tantrum she was having this morning" when he was in bed 'asleep' the whole time.

[Mazzledazzle]

Lol at shitsinger's husband! 5am

[crunchbag]

YANBU he should take responsibility for getting up even if it means setting the alarm

Does he genuinely not hear the children or does he know you will get up any way?

[Mazzledazzle]

Dopey sheep, I was away overnight and returned at 8.30am to a snoring husband and roaming kids, despite the fact that school starts at 9!

It always seems that he gets peace to do jobs around the house and I get the kids. I want some peace! I suppose it will be easier once they are at school. It just seems like I never get time to myself at home to get on with things. The kids generally leave him alone and cling to my legs!

Nooka i will suggest a designated day off.

It sounds like I should be a bit more proactive in giving him a kick in the morning!

[Shitsinger]

I am terrible in the mornings - DH is like a bloody lark at 5am
He used to get up early and in the evenings when he would fall asleep on the sofa I would put the DC to bed and let him snooze .

Discuss and find a compromise - silently seething wont solve anything.

[Tortington]

buy am alarm clock

tell him your having mon, wed, fri lie in

[Mazzledazzle]

I grew up in a house where nothing was ever discussed and a lot presumed. I find it hard telling people outright when they do something that bugs me. Hence the seething. I'm trying to overcome this. In fact I told DH exactly why it bugs me when he doesn't get up in a bid to clear the air, but he just doesn't get it. And I suppose time and time again it seems that since the kids have came along, I've had to make most of the sacrifices.

[nooka]

My dh always wakes first, and then wakes me (sometimes more than once ). I don't think of myself as a teenager or him as my parent.

However it sounds more that you think your dh isn't pulling his weight, which is a different issue really.

Could you start by having a designated morning off, where you don't get up at all (well not first thing anyway!) and the children are totally your dh's responsibility?

[dopeysheep]

Sounds like you want him to actually take responsibility for the children instead of leaving it up to you.

What would happen if you weren't there? Would the children just roam around while he snored on?

[Shitsinger]

I think you are cutting your nose off to spite your face - "I get up and seethe"
Wake him up !

[AnyFucker]

Lots more to this, isn't there, op ?

[Mazzledazzle]

I've tried talking him about it and suggested we have certain days we both get up and take turns having a long lie, but he just reminds me how exhausting his life is. Then we get into the age old debate of who is more tired than who.

[MrsLouisTheroux]

So you do wake him and then 'he says he'll get up, but doesn't.' That's a different issue. He should get up. You sound tired :(

[livinginwonderland]

Uh, just wake him up. What's the big deal? Some people are really heavy sleepers (my DP is one of them) and he won't wake up unless a very loud alarm goes off or you literally shake him awake. Otherwise, he's dead to the world.

[Mazzledazzle]

Yes they usually wake at 7am. I'm happy to get up at that time every day. I'd just like him to do the same, without me having to wake him up. He then says he'll get up, but doesn't. I then have to ask him again. Then he gets narky that I'm nagging him.

Despite me telling them, the kids always come to me first thing.

[ParadiseChick]

I can store of see where you're coming from, I'm a light sleeper where the kids are concerned and even if dh is getting up with them I wake up.

[AThingInYourLife]

I sincerely hope YANBU :o

Otherwise you are breaking a few laws...